Inner Demons
by WeirdMal
Summary: Tris Prior is a private investigator who plays by her own rules. She knows better than anyone that a person's past can haunt them. But when an unfortunate event brings her to meet a certain blue-eyed man with a troubled past of his own, she has met her match. Can two broken souls really heal one another?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello readers of FanFic, WeirdMal here,**

 **This story has been in my mind for the longest and I was finally able to come up with a plot that was actually "normal" I guess you could say. I hope you guys enjoy this story because I enjoyed writitng it. If you guys have watched the Netflix original series Jessica Jones, some of the elements in this story may remind you of that. But I can assure you that I did not find my inspiration from the show. When I was having a Netflix marathon with JJ and Dare Devil, I realized the similarities. But again, what is present in this story is my own invention.**

 **IMPORTANT: For those of you who know me as an author through my other FanFic - Fate Doesn't Exist... I have deleted that story. It was extremely painful for me to read because my writing was just _awful_ so I decided to take another swing at it.**

 **Disclaimer - All rights go to Veronica Roth for the Divergent Series.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

The first thing I see when I open my eyes is the light streaming in from my window. Then I remember that I must have a hangover because my head is pounding so hard it feels like it's going to explode. I groan and cover my eyes with my hand as I sit up from the bed. Slowly and carefully I let my feet drop on the cold floor before I stumble my way over to the window and pull the curtains in. I breathe a sigh of relief before making my way into the kitchen. It's then I notice that I left the window open, letting the cold Chicago air in and I'm only wearing a tank top and underwear. Quickly I run to the window and shut it so that my crappy apartment can re-heat itself. When I walk into the kitchen the first thing I pull out is a bottle of whiskey. Can't start the day without it. I put it to my lips just as my phone goes off, indicating I received a text message. Grabbing it I pick it up and read it.

 **Uri: I'm waiting for you! Hurry up!**

I groan forgetting that Uriah was supposed to help me at work today. I take another sip of my drink before putting it back down and going into my bedroom. After washing up, I get dressed in a pair of jeans, a plain white shirt, a plain beige scarf and my black leather jacket. I tie my long blonde hair up into a ponytail and put on my trusty black combat boots. I grab my camera bag and am about to walk out when I forget another essential piece – my flask. After grabbing it and stuffing it into my coat pocket I make my way out the door.

"God dammit." I mutter as I try to close the door but am proving unsuccessful. It's always giving me problems and I have complained to the office so many times but they don't give a damn about anything as long as they're getting the rent on time. Finally, when I've managed to close and lock it a voice speaks up behind me.

"Maybe if you didn't talk so badly to it, it would cooperate better."

I shriek and drop my keys. Swiftly I turn around to see none other than Uriah. I place a hand over my heart trying to calm its rapid beating while Uriah is holding his stomach from his laughter.

"Damn you Uri." I say before picking up my keys.

"I'm sorry. I was waiting for you downstairs for like… five minutes." He replies and I raise an eyebrow. "It's very cold outside. What happened to you?" He asks but he answers it himself before I can respond. "Wait let me guess, you're hungover aren't you."

I nod my head and take out my sunglasses from my jeans before putting them over my eyes. "It's not as bad as the one two days ago."

"You really need to cut back babe. You're not doing yourself any good."

I smile at him before walking past him, not responding. I love Uri, he's been my best friend since childhood, we're inseparable. I love how we're just best friends and we both know it. Although he does call me "babe", we both know it's out of friendship love, not romantic love. He's like a brother to me. Although, he does like to make sly sexual jokes and innuendos, it makes me laugh so I put up with it.

Without even realizing it we've already made our way out of the apartment building and onto the busy streets of Chicago. We walk together in silence for a few minutes before Uriah speaks up.

"So, whose life are we going to destroy next?"

I chuckle at his question. "You know that the whole point of being a private investigator is that I keep everything, oh I don't know… private?"

He shrugs. "Yet here I am. Now spill."

"Mr. and Mrs. Wetherford. Older couple, she in her late forties and him in his early sixties. She's accused him of sleeping around with other woman, younger woman. She wants me to follow him and prove him guilty than give her the evidence." I answer.

"Sounds fun." He says with a sly grin.

We round the corner of an ally way and walk towards one of the back roads.

"Where are we going?" Uriah asks.

"I've been tracking Bill's - that's his name, movements and hopefully he should be here soon."

"Where?"

I stop in front of a red brick building. It's clearly been around for a long time but when I searched it up online they have lofts in there for twice the price I'm paying at my crappy apartment. "Right here."

"Okay," Uriah pronounces slowly. "How are you supposed to find something. Are you just going to bust through the door saying "Smile for the camera, you filthy piece of s - "Before he can finish a little girl and her mother walk out of the door and look at us. I nod my head in recognition while Uriah waves. They look at us skeptically before continuing on.

"Nice one Uri."

"Thank you."

I look up at the building again. He's right. I can get no vantage point from in front or inside. "We go around the back." I finally speak. I grab Uriah by his wrist and drag him towards the back of the building. "The girl Wetherford is seeing is in apartment B2, which is… right up there." I say pointing to a window that has the curtains open.

"Okay so unless you have some sort of flight power… how are we supposed to get up there?"

"Um…" I look around trying to find a way to see inside. When I turn to the building behind us I see it has a fire escape leading all the way to the top.

Another great thing about it is that this building has been abandoned for over fifteen years. I jog to the building and see that the ladder to get to the fire escape is higher than I had expected. I try to jump up and pull it down but I'm not able to.

"Uri, give me a lift here." I say breathlessly due to my cardio I was not intending on.

He gives me a cheeky smile in return. "You are so short."

"Shut up and just help me here."

"Okay, okay." He agrees and walks toward me. He bends down on his legs allowing me to wrap mines around his neck. Slowly he stands up, me sitting on his shoulders. I reach up to the point I think we're about to tip over but he reminds me that he's steady.

Finally, my fingers grasp the bottom rail and I pull it down. Uriah gently places me back on the ground. I secure my camera bag around my waist before climbing up the ladder, Uriah following. I climb until I'm sitting on the cold metal material, underneath the rest of the stairs, one floor up from room B2, giving me all the access I need while still giving me cover. Uriah plops down next to me, making a lot of noise so I pinch his arm.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"Be quiet." I whisper.

He mutters something underneath his breath but I don't hear it.

Thirty minutes later we are still sitting and waiting for something to happen. Uriah keeps getting more and more antsy with each passing minute.

"I never knew your job was so boring." He mutters.

I'm about to reply when I hear the sound of keys coming from the apartment. I turn my attention to it, to see Bill and some other young chick stumble inside with goofy grins on their faces. Quickly I pull out my camera and start to snap photos of them undressing each other and giving one another sloppy kisses, all the meanwhile Uriah his giggling like a little girl next to me as he watches. After taking all the photos I need, I scoot pass Uriah and climb down the stairs.

"Come on Uri."

"Coming, coming." He says and starts to climb down as well. Once we're both on the ground we walk back towards the bustling streets. We walk until Uriah stops at a newspaper cart.

"Man, look at this," He says and picks up a newspaper. The headline reads **'Teenage Girls Abducted.'**

"Abducted?" I ask. "That's a bit overdramatic, don't you think?"

"Whatever gets people to pay to read it." Uriah mutters. "But why is it overdramatic. These girls went missing."

"They probably just ran away from home. You ever heard of hormonal teenage girls?" I ask sarcastically.

He sighs and puts the newspaper back on the stand. "If it has nothing to do with your booze you don't care about anyone or anything."

"That's partially true," I respond. "I care about you."

He shakes his head but has a small smile. "Let's get something to eat. I'm starving."

* * *

"Relax before you choke on your food." I laugh as I watch Uriah devour his pizza slice.

"I'm hungry." He says through mouthfuls.

The Chicago wind blows harder so I tighten my jacket around me. The fact that I'm sitting in a steel metal chair in the park doesn't help either. I can feel the coldness coursing through my bones making me feel more frigid than I already do. I decide to warm myself up so I take out my flask. I open it and put it to my mouth. Immediately I feel heated.

Uriah who has finished eating scowls at me.

"Don't look at me like that." I grumble and put the flask back in my coat pocket.

"You seriously need to stop." He says and he sounds serious. Uriah is _never_ serious. "What is it going to take you to stop?"

"A miracle." I respond.

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Is it… because of him?" He asks hesitantly.

I clench my jaw and ball my hands into fists. _No, I don't want to think about him._

"I need to go." I mumble and scoot back in my chair. It scrapes across the cement making it harder to move.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned it. I know it's a sore topic for you." He says sincerely. The look on his face shows that he is truly sorry and I appreciate it but now I need to get it out of my mind.

"It's okay Uri. But I really do need to get back to my office."

He chuckles lightly. "You mean your apartment?"

I smile lightly at him, nod and walk away. He's always teasing me about how my office is in my apartment. A very crappy apartment at that. But that's what happens when I don't have enough money for my own building, not that I want one anyways.

* * *

Mrs. Wetherford lets out a muffled cry as she looks at the pictures that lies out in front of her. Pictures of her husband and his whore that I took earlier today. I sit at my desk with a bored expression on my face as I watch the tears from her eyes fall. Her shaky, pale hands hold up one of the pictures.

"I can't believe he'd do this." She whispers.

"Uh… didn't you hire me because you assumed he was cheating?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes I did," She snaps. "But it was just an assumption. I wasn't prepared to learn that it's true."

"Fair enough." I shrug.

"So, I mean… w-what do I now?"

I look at her, this time with both eyebrows raised. "Barbra, I'm just a private investigator. I did my job. Now whatever else you want to do has to be taken up with the divorce court."

At the sound of "divorce" she starts crying again. I sigh in frustration. I don't want to give off the vibe of being coldhearted but pity isn't what she needs right now. She needs to get her act together so that she can find some help with this… and then she can boo-hoo all she wants later.

"Look Barbra, I know someone that does couple counseling and therapy." I say and she looks up at me through her tears. "Maybe they can help you and your husband fix things. I don't know." I shrug.

"Yes, yes please. I'd like that very much, thank you."

I nod and grab a sticky note and pen from my table. I write down the information of the building and hand it to her.

"C-can I take one of these pictures as proof?" She asks.

"Take em' all."

The puts a thick yellow envelope on the table- my money for doing my job. After collecting the pictures, she puts on her gloves and tightens her jacket. "Thank you again." She says before walking out the door.

I rub my temples with my index fingers. I have such a migraine right now. I huff in frustration and make my way into my kitchen. I open the cabinets and scan through what I can have. Scotch sounds pretty good right now. I grab the bottle, not even bothering with a glass, and sit back down at my desk. I take a gulp of the drink and relish the taste. The clock on my wall reads it's half past eleven o'clock. Nothing to do but get drunk. And that's exactly what I do.

* * *

 **Constructive criticism is appreciated. :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

I hear the sound of urgent knocking at my door, waking me up. _Maybe if I ignore it it'll go away._ A beat passes by and I hear the frantic knocking again. I groan and slam my head into my pillow which was a bad idea because I have a really bad hangover. The knocking continues and I groan again.

"I'm coming god dammit!" I yell. I kick the sheets off me and pick up my jeans from the floor and put them on. I take one more deep breath before I make my way towards the door. Still the knocking continues and it's vibrating into my brain. If I had a gun right now, I'd probably shoot whoever is knocking at my door like this.

When I open the door a couple rushes inside, blabbering something but I can't understand when they're both talking at the same time.

"Just shut up!" I roar. They both stop talking immediately. I take this time to look over them. Husband and wife, both in their late forties, middle class due to them having regular clothes on but they both hold the new model of the IPhone in their hands. The wife has shoulder length red hair and the husband has jet black, short hair, both with brown eyes that show nothing but fear. "Now, what can I do for you?" I ask and they both open their mouths. I hold up my hand, silencing them. "Only one of you speak and speak _quietly_."

They both look at each other and the husband nods. The wife turns to me and releases a shaky breath. "We need your help. Our daughter is missing."

"Let me get you guys some seats."

The couple closes the door behind me and stands in front of my desk, taking in their surroundings. After pulling up two chairs for them I sit at my own behind my desk.

"Yeah I know, not the greatest workspace." I say calling them out of their rivet. "Now what exactly is the issue here?"

"Our daughter, Kathy, is missing." The wife answers.

"When was the last time you saw Kathy?"

"Three days ago." The husband answers.

"How old is she?"

"Sixteen." They say in unison.

"Have you tried going to the police?"

The wife gives me an incredulous look. "Are you being serious right now? She is our _daughter_! Of course we've tried going to the police!" The husband leans over and whispers something in her ear and it calms her down… to some extent.

"Yes I'm well aware she is your daughter but I have to look over every possible avenue." I speak calmly. "Now, does Kathy have a phone?"

"Y-yes." The wife stutters.

"Was it with her when she disappeared?"

"No. She went to school that day but left her phone at home by accident." She says.

"Good, I'm going to need to take a look at it." I respond and they nod. "So from my understanding, Kathy went to school three days ago and never came home. Could it be she's with a friend?"

"Kathy had a hard time making friends. She was on the swim team for her school but she didn't really hang out with the girls there. Only her best friend Emily. Kathy's is a straight A student, never really cared about partying or anything like that. She was either swimming, studying or hanging out with Emily." The husband answers.

"Okay, I'm going to need the name of the school, contact information for Emily, the places where her and Emily hung out, a picture of Kathy, and her phone." I say.

The wife nods again but this time slowly. Then she starts to cry. "I-I don't understand. W-why would my baby girl disappear like this?"

"That's what I'm going to find out."

"Thank you." She sniffs. "Oh, my name is Meghan and this is John." She points to her husband.

"It's nice to meet both of you. Now bring me back these things and I'll get to work."

* * *

I've been scrolling through Kathy's school's website for five minutes and researching her case for over six hours. Nothing is adding up. Meghan and John did drop off the things I asked for but it's still getting me nowhere. Kathy's phone has literally nothing except for her parents and Emily's number. She has pictures but it's either of her, her dog, her and Emily or her and her parents. She has no events scheduled in her phone either so that's another dead end. The next step on my list is to visit either Emily or the school.

I sigh and get up from my chair and put on my jacket when my door suddenly opens. Uriah stands there with a goofy grin on his face.

"Whatcha up to?"

"I have a very important client that I'm dealing with Uri. I don't have time for anything immature you may want to do."

"Woah. What happened to the Tris that doesn't give a hoot about anyone or anything?" He asks. "Wait, did you get laid last night?" He smiles and I glare at him.

"No Uriah. I did not get laid."

"Well you need it." He mumbles underneath his breath.

I roll my eyes and grab my flask from on top of the table.

"I'm actually here to give you this." He says and hands me a card.

I take it from his hand and read it.

 **Support Group - Lincoln Center  
Tuesdays and Thursdays 7:00 pm  
Join Us If You Can! **

"What is this?" I groan though I already know the answer. I just want to know why he gave me this.

"It's a support group. You know you sit in a circle and go around and tell everybody why your there. I thought it might help with your problem."

"I don't have a problem." I state simply.

"Don't do this right now Tris. You know you're a drunk. It's not good for your health." He says and I sigh. "Please Tris… just go to one meeting and if you don't like it then I'm not going to force you. Just go to one meeting." I look into Uriah's eyes and see that they are desperate and pleading.

"Fine. I'll go."

A smile breaks out across his face. "Thank you. Pinky promise?" He asks and holds up his pinky.

I roll my eyes and look away but a small smile starts to form on my lips. "I can't believe we're still doing this." I laugh and we connect our pinkies together.

* * *

I hear the school bell ring indicating that school's out. A few moments later children file out of the doors carrying backpacks and books in their hands. Buses line up outside the fence and the kids get on while some walk and others wait for a car to pick them up.

Once the pathway is clear I make my way inside the school. It's just like any other high school I've seen – dull. I look around and spot the main office and walk inside. There's a line to the receptionist desk so I have no choice but to wait. Finally, when it's my turn I approach the desk.

"I need to see the principal or the swim coach." I say.

"Child's name?" The woman asks, still not looking up from typing on the computer.

"I don't have a child."

"Then why do you need to see the principal?" She responds and looks up from the screen.

I glare at her. "It's none of your business. Now is the principal or swim coach available or not?"

"I need a reason for you to see either one of them."

 _I am really not in the mood for this._

"I'm a private investigator and looking into the case of Kathy Smith. Now where is the freaking swim coach?" I ask and her eyes widen.

"O-of course. Just one moment." She says and walks off.

I breathe a sigh of frustration. Moments later she and who I assume is the principal walk back.

"Ah Ms. Prior," The principal smiles and reaches out her hand for me to shake but I don't accept it. Still dealing with a hangover. "Okay. Mr. and Mrs. Smith informed us that you would be stopping by. My name's Samantha Jones, principal of the school. What can I help you with today?"

"Do you know where I can find Kathy's teachers and swim coach?"

"Yes, right this way. I'll lead you to their classrooms." She says and allows me walk behind the front desk. "It's really a shame what happened to her. I can't even imagine what her parents are going through right now." She speaks while we walk.

"Was Kathy acting strange in any way over the past few days or weeks?"

She thinks about this for a moment before answering, "No, not that I've noticed."

By now we're wondering the halls of the school, only few kids walk the nearly empty halls. I hear snickering coming from one corner and I turn my head to see a group of three teenage girls smiling and laughing. One looks up from the group and her eyes meet mine. They look cold and their full of hatred, I would know. Quickly she averts my eyes and goes back to chatting with her friends.

"And here is one of Kathy's teachers." Samantha says breaking my stare at the girls.

We walk into one of the classrooms and a man sits at his desk going through what I assume is homework on his computer.

"Mr. Davidson," Samantha pronounces his name, breaking him out of his trance.

He clears his throat and makes some clicks on his computer screen, "Ah yes, Ms. Jones. How can I help you?" His Adam's Apple bobs up and down. He's nervous for some reason.

"Well I'm sure you know about what has happened to Kathy Smith. This is Tris and she's investigating the case."

"Yes, Ms. Smith it's a shame really – "

"Yeah let's get to the point," I cut him off. "When and where did you last see Kathy."

He thinks about this for a moment. "It was at lunch. She was sitting by herself for some unknown reason. She usually sits with Emily."

"And when was this?"

"Four days ago. Kathy has always been one of my favorite students." He smiles but it fades. "It's just so tragic for what has happened to her." He whispers the last part.

"Was Kathy acting strange or weird these past few days?"

"No. I would've noticed."

I eye him one more time before speaking, "Thanks for the help."

Samantha walks me to every one of Kathy's teacher's classrooms. I question them the same way I did with Mr. Davidson and they answer the questions all the same - they saw her four days ago and no peculiar behavior from Kathy.

Now Samantha shows me to where the pools are towards the back of the school.

"I trust that you can find your way out from here?" She asks and turns to me.

"Yeah." I nod.

"Good luck with finding Kathy." She says before walking off.

 _I think I'm going to need it._

I spot the swim coach by the bleachers talking to one of the students. The student nods a couple of times before walking away. The coach then makes his way towards me but doesn't notice I'm standing there.

"You're the swim coach I'm guessing?" I ask once he's in earshot.

He looks at me before nodding. "Richard. And you might be?"

"My name's Tris Prior and I'm investigating the disappearance of Kathy Smith."

Richard sighs and nods his head. "I'm guessing you want to ask me some questions." Now it's my turn to nod my head. "Fire away."

"When was the last time you saw Kathy?"

"Four days ago, after practice."

"Were her and Emily together at all."

He shakes his head. "No. Rumor has it they got into a big fight and refused to talk to each other."

"What was the fight about?"

He shrugs. "Have no clue."

"Was Kathy acting strange these past few days?"

"Yes." He answers without hesitation.

"Yes?" I echo with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah. Her head was not in the game for practice the past week. I just assumed something was happening at home."

"What do you mean her head wasn't in the game?"

"She would zone out of conversations, she wasn't meeting her mark for the team, and whenever people approached her she'd always seem anxious or nervous. I asked her one time what was going on and she quickly dismissed it, said she had somewhere to be after practice."

"Any idea where?"

"No." He sighs. "Some people just viewed Kathy as a girl to pick on, one of the nerds. But I don't think this was because of bullying. I've seen kids who get bullied and I know the side-affects and her actions didn't show any."

"Agreed."

"Kathy's a good student and an even better swimmer. She wouldn't abandon her priorities like this."

"Thank you for your cooperation." I say and walk away.

When I exit the school's gates I spot one of the girl's I saw in the group, the one who looked my way.

"Hey!" I shout and walk towards her.

She looks up from her phone and stares at me. Just as I'm getting closer she sprints away. _Are you serious?_ I sigh before running after her. She runs down an alley way and knocks over some trashcans but I avoid them. She trips over her footing and crashes to the pebbles that lay on the ground. Quickly so as not to lose her, I grab ahold of her book bag and am able to pin her to the wall.

"Let go off me!" She hisses.

"Tell me what I want to know and I'll let you go." I breathe out, still trying to catch my breath from the run.

"And if I don't?"

I pull her off the wall and shove her harder into it. She groans and clenches her teeth. "You don't want to know."

She glares at me through her fake eyelashes.

"How do you know Kathy Smith?"

"I don't know her."

"Liar." I shove her against the wall again. "How do you know Kathy?" She gulps at the question. "You're her bully, aren't you?" She doesn't respond so that's a definite yes. "Why are you bullying Kathy?"

The girl let's out a dry laugh. "That slut thinks she has it all good, that she's perfect. Well she's not!"

"And why is that?"

"She stole my boyfriend! She has no idea how much that hurt."

I decide to let the girl go from the wall. She stumbles on her footing a bit, trying to regain her balance.

"Who was your boyfriend?"

"His name's Andrew. Andrew Jackson, captain of the football team. We were dating for two years and she took him from me!"

I roll my eyes. "Oh give it a break. High school flings never last."

"We were in love!" She yells.

"Well if he went for a different girl, obviously not." She glares at me. "Not that your much of a prize anyway." I mutter under my breath. "When was the last time you saw Kathy?"

"Four days ago. She was walking home from school but she wasn't going her usual route. She took some detour, down by the docks. I don't know where she was headed but she was alone."

"That your phone?" I ask and nod to it.

"Yeah it's a – " She starts. I grab the phone from her grasp and throw onto the brick wall across from us. I can hear it shatter and it falls to the floor.

"Don't pick any more kids." I say and walk towards the exit of the ally way. There's yelling behind me but I don't listen. I just keep walking.

I know I should keep digging into this Kathy thing but I need to start towards Lincoln Center. If it were up to me I wouldn't go, but I gave Uriah my promise by thy pinky. And I _never_ break pinky promises.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I look up at the brick building in front of me. _Lincoln Center_ is engraved in white over the door. Several people walk past me and go inside. When the door settles, I can see my reflection in the glass. I've been through this already. Day in and day out. I don't want to stir up any old memories. But I gave Uriah my pinky.

I groan and grab the handle of the door and swing it open. The cool air hits me when I walk in. I look around and see the brown walls, the wooden floor. There are two doors on both sides of the building but already being here before I know the group isn't meeting there. Instead I walk up the staircase that's towards the right side. Every step I take brings back old memories and I'm tempted to walk out right now but before I know it I'm standing in front of the door. I'm already five minutes late so I can just tell Uri it was already late. But then I'd never here the end of it. Might as well get it over with already. Before I can put up another mental battle I open the door and step inside the small room. Pop-up chairs are placed in a small circle and people are sitting on them but there's one open as if it was meant for me. They all turn around to look at me, including some woman standing.

"Welcome, so glad you can make it. Please sit." She smiles and gestures with her hand, the empty seat.

I smile lightly and sit down.

"My name is Johanna." She greets. "We were just about to introduce ourselves to everyone since this is a different group than our Tuesdays. Now we're going to move in a circle. Please state your name and briefly why you've joined us tonight. We'll start from my left and work our way to my right. You may begin."

A teen girl stands up and smooths out her shirt. Before she even speaks I zone out of what she's saying. I take in my surroundings and it's the same as before. Only one window behind Johanna but it lights the room enough and a small round table with a vase of flowers on it but they're different from the ones before. Well, I'd hope so, I haven't been here in years.

What calls me back to the group is the sound of someone clearing their throat. I snap my head in its direction to see a man sitting there. Not just any man but a really, really good looking man. He wears a thick black wool coat, a white shirt underneath, jeans and boots. He looks like he just stepped out of a GQ magazine photoshoot. His hair is short and brown but you could mistake it for black, natural tan skin, and haunting blue eyes. Really _deep_ haunting blue eyes. He's clearly tall, his seating looks a bit uncomfortable. Although he doesn't seem to be a body builder he clearly has muscles underneath his clothes. These are the habits I have when I look at people. I don't just look, I observe.

"Four, violence." The man speaks and his voice is deeper and huskier than I expected.

One of the young boy's snickers. "Seriously? Four, like the number?"

This 'Four' guy turns his head in the boy's direction and glares at him. "Exactly like the number." He says quietly and intimidatingly.

I laugh and realize it cuts the tension in the room. Everyone's eyes land on me, Four's too. I clear my throat and look down at my shoes instead.

"Would you like to introduce yourself?" Johanna asks and when I hear no response I look up at her to see she's already staring at me.

"Me?" I ask and point to myself.

"Yes, you." She confirms with a nod.

"Tris, alcoholic." I say and half the room nods. I notice in the corner of my eye that Four is staring at me. Probably judging me for my alcoholism but he said he's a violent guy so… there's no real winner here.

"Thank you Tris." Johanna smiles.

She goes back to letting people introduce themselves and I zone out again. _I just wanna get this over with already._

Johanna claps her hands together causing me to jump a little in my seat. "All of you are here because of a reason, and that reason is because you guys have something to work on… within yourselves." She sits down on her chair. "Every single one of us has some sort of… demon inside us. It causes us to do what we do. It's a constant battle and it may seem that this past of yours is always going to win. I thought so and look what happened to me. Now I'm married and have two children but…" She trails off and moves a piece of her hair that covers her eye. "It didn't come without its consequences." A scar is where her eye should be. I didn't notice it before. It's long, starting from the top of her forehead to the base of her eye. But, I don't know why she hides it. To me it makes it enhance her beauty, to show she survived something.

"This meeting is going to be short because I want you guys to go home and identify the source of your problem - your inner demon." Johanna speaks.

 _Done._

"Then next Thursday I'll go over how I was able to overcome my problem and if it can help you. Class dismissed."

I sigh in relief and get up from my chair. I'm about to leave when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to see Johanna.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I just wanted to thank you. Uriah, your friend, called in ahead of you and told me you'd be joining us."

"Of course he did." I mutter.

"I think you should keep coming back. These classes my help with your problem."

"I don't have a problem." I smile. "Have a nice day."

I walk out of the small room, down the stairs and out of the building. This is the reason I don't come to these things! Old memories. I stop in my tracks outside of the building and take deep breaths.

"Hey you." A voice speaks up behind me.

I turn around to see one of the young boys from the group looking me up and down like I'm his last meal.

"Can I help you find your mommy?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes but still looks at me. "Just thought we should probably get out of here. You know go somewhere more private."

 _Is he serious with this?_

"Listen here. What are you, eighteen?" I ask and he nods. "Well as a twenty-eight year-old, I'd say that's pretty disgusting. I'm betting your balls aren't fully developed for you to be talking to me. So why don't you go and find some porn to watch while you masturbate in the basement of your parent's house."

The boy looks like he's on the verge of tears right now. Slowly he turns around and jogs away.

"A bit harsh?" A voice asks behind me. I know that by the sound of the deep voice that it's Four.

I turn around to face him. "No, not all."

He nods slowly but has a smirk on his face.

"Well what about you, number boy? You think what you did in there was very nice? I don't call that manners."

"Touché." Is all he says and walks away.

I take out my flask and put it to my lips as I watch his retreating figure. I was right, he is tall. Maybe six-two or six-three. When he turns the corner of the street and disappears from my sight is when I walk my way home.

 _Why would someone be named after a number?_

* * *

I throw my jacket on the chair in my kitchen and open up the fridge. Empty. I sigh and close it when I hear a knocking at my door. When I open it I see Uriah standing there with a large grin on his face.

"You went." He says in a sing song voice.

I roll my eyes at his behavior. "Yes I did go because if I didn't _you_ wouldn't stop bugging me about it."

He comes in after me and closes the door. "Yes I would've. So how was it?"

"Gee, you come here to interrogate me? The least you could've bought is food."

He takes out his phone without a word. "Pizza or Chinese?"

Forty-five minutes later I'm sitting at my desk and Uriah on the chair across from me, stuffing our faces with Chinese food.

"Pass me the Orange Chicken." I say through mouthfuls.

"Magic word." He responds.

I suck my teeth, get up and pick up the carton of chicken myself. "Please." I say when I've done sit back in my chair.

"Ha-ha-ha." He mocks. "Very funny. How was work today?"

"Okay. I have to look someone else up."

"Who?"

"A boyfriend."

Uriah chuckles with a mouth full of food. "Those are always the tricky ones."

I look in his direction. He seems uneasy, like he wants to say something but doesn't know how to put it.

"What's on your mind Uri?"

He sighs. "Have you… spoken to her?" He asks slowly.

"No!" I snap. I clear my throat. "No, and I don't plan on doing that any time soon. So if we can just drop it."

"But why Tris? All of that is in the past. If she's – "

"I said _drop it_."

He nods slowly and puts the empty food carton on my desk. He gets up from the chair and walks into the kitchen.

"This place is really dirty."

"I haven't had time to clean it." I respond.

He huffs in frustration, his hands on his hips. "Tris… get me my house uniform."

* * *

"Uriah can you please keep it down. I can't think with that noise." I groan.

Uriah turns off the vacuum cleaner and looks at me. I try to hide my smile as I over look his "house uniform". He stands there wearing a handkerchief that's wrapped around his head, a pink apron around his hips, and his black socks contrast against the white house slippers he has on.

"Something funny Tris?" He asks seriously but his eyes are dancing with humor.

"No, no. It's just now I've figured out why you are still single."

"Hey!" He exclaims, feigning hurt. "But, that doesn't mean I still don't get some." He says and starts dry humping the vacuum.

I laugh at him and puck up a piece of paper on the table. I crumble it up and throw it at him. "Uriah, you are disgusting!"

He stops his movements and smiles. "Only for you."

"I can't believe you're my only friend." I mumble and turn back towards the computer screen.

"I can." He pulls up a chair and plops down next to me. "What are you doing?"

"I am trying to find Kathy's boyfriend on the school website."

I click on the screen and pull up the school's newspaper. There's a picture of the school's football team, all with smiles on their faces. The head line reads **'Football Team Leads Us to Championship!'**

"Which one do you think is him?" Uriah asks quietly.

I move the mouse over to one of the guys in the middle of the team. He has a smile on his face and his helmet is being held by him in the air. He has dirty blonde hair that's combed back, brown eyes and dimples. Typical high school heart throb.

 _I need to find out where he is._

* * *

The next day I'm hungover, which is nothing unusual. I woke up with a nightmare, and I just couldn't shake it. I didn't sleep for the rest of the night so I had nothing else to do other than drink my sorrows away.

Today I'm going back to Kathy's high school to try and find Andrew. But since school's still going on I decide to take a walk instead, try to clear my head. The cars, trucks and buses driving by don't help my hangover. I fix my sunglasses over my eyes to block out any sort of light. Sometimes I stumble over my footing. I feel dizzy and I need to sit down.

I stop in front of a building, a bar. What a coincidence. I open the door and stumble my way inside.

"You okay there?" The bartender asks while he cleans a glass.

"Just fine." I grumble. I'm feeling more and more dizzy by the second so I falter my way to one of the barstools. "Water."

The bartender nods and a few moments later he puts a cold glass of water down in front of me. I watch as the condensation runs down the cup. I take the straw that's next to it and put it in the glass. The bar is almost empty except for a few people at the bar and two men sitting across from each other at a table. I'm sitting close by so I can hear parts of their conversation. I sip my water as I eavesdrop.

"How was it last night?" One of the men asks.

"Wasn't long but if I didn't have to go, you and I both know I wouldn't have." The other man replies. His voice sounds familiar. I turn slightly to look at him but his back is towards me. "I have to go. I'm going to be late to work." He says and starts to shuffle his way out of the seat. I quickly avert my head and stare back down at my water. The man passes by me without knowing I was ever looking.

I watch as he leaves the bar, wearing a thick black wool coat.

* * *

 **This chapter was pretty uneventful but at the same time, was very important. A certain numerically named man has entered the story now. _o.0_ I wonder what's going to happen with him... **

**Thank you guys for the awesome reviews, I appreciate and read over every single one of them all the time. It helps me to feel more confident about my writing, so please... keep em' coming!**

 **~ Mal**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I wait by the school gates like yesterday as I watch the kids file out of the school. If my guessing is correct Andrew should be coming out soon. And just like that there's loud yelling and laughing and I look to see the football team along with some of the cheerleaders coming out of the school. I walk through the gates and up to the large crowd.

"Andrew?" I ask.

One of the boys in the front turns his head and looks at me. "Who are you?"

"Tris. I'm investigating the case of Kathy's disappearance and I need to talk to you."

He slowly nods his head. I lead him over to a picnic table and take a seat opposite from him.

"H-have you seen or heard from Kathy?" He asks.

"No." I shake my head.

He scoffs. "I knew I shouldn't have let her out of my sight."

"What do you mean?"

"W-we had gotten into a fight. She said that I was embarrassed to be seen with her in school, that I didn't want my friends to know I was dating her."

"Is that true?"

"Partially." He sighs. "It was just different adjusting from being with one of the most popular girls in school to being with someone like Kathy. But the reason I started dating her is because I genuinely like her. She's different from the girls I've dated and so I took interest in her. I guess it was… hard for her to believe that someone like me could be attracted to someone like her but I can't help it."

"When was the last time you saw Kathy?"

"Five days ago. It was after our fight. She told me things were over between us, that she didn't want to see me anymore. The next day in school she avoided me the whole time. It was awful."

I nod. "Do you know her best friend, Emily?"

"Yeah. Rumor has it they got into a fight too. I don't know why but it couldn't have been good. Kathy was really upset about it but she didn't tell me why."

"How long were you and Kathy dating?"

"Two months."

"Do you know where I can find Emily?"

"Yeah, she's usually in the chemistry lab by now."

"Thanks Andrew." I say and get up from the bench.

"W-wait," He stutters and I turn to him. "Can you just find Kathy for me… please. I need to see her."

"I will." I respond before walking off.

I enter the school and walk into the main office. The same woman is sitting there, still staring at her computer.

"I need to know where the chemistry lab is." My voice startles her.

She looks up from the computer and obviously recognizes me. "Of course. I'll show you myself."

She calls over someone else to watch over the desk and leads me to the lab. The walk is quiet and awkward but I don't care, I don't even want to talk to her.

"Here you go." She stops in front of the door.

I nod and walk inside. There's several kids inside and there's one sitting by herself to the side writing in her notebook. I recognize its Emily from the pictures. I quietly walk to her and sit on the stool next to her. She's still looking down at her notebook and I see it's soaked with tears.

"Emily?" I ask quietly.

She sniffs and turns to me with a questioning face. "Yes?"

"My name's Tris and I'm helping find Kathy."

"Y-yes. Her parents told me you'd be looking for me."

"Yeah – "

Before I can say another word she interrupts me. "It's all my fault!"

"W-what's your fault?"

"It's my fault she's gone! W-we got into a big fight. I accused her of keeping secrets from me an-and she denied it. I told her that I-if that she keeps secrets from me I didn't know why we were even friends."

"What secrets?"

"I don't know. We didn't really hang out together for like… two weeks. She said she was always busy with something else. I just assumed it was with her boyfriend but then I heard they got into a fight too so I knew it wasn't that."

"Any idea what?"

"No, not really. After school she'd always go down by the docks after school. One time I followed her and she caught me. She just… snapped at me. I noticed that when we left school an alarm would go off on her phone."

"For what time?"

"I think two thirty."

"And you said she'd go down by the docks?" I ask and she nods. "Which ones?"

"The ones North of here."

"Did you see anything unusual when you followed her there?"

"No, she just… stood there. Looking out into the sea. It was weird."

"Anything else I need to know Emily?"

"Nothing comes to mind right now." She says quietly.

"Look, here's my card." I pull one out from my back pocket. "If you remember or hear anything else, call me."

"Okay."

"Thanks for your time."

* * *

The smell of oil reeks as I get closer to the docks. It's gloomy and foggy outside today so there's heavy air sinking into my hair and clothes. I stop in my tracks and look out at the waves crashing into side of the docks. I only see men loading up crates onto a nearby small ship but nothing else. Since I'm near the water the wind is more violent.

One of the men from working sits on one of the nearby crates.

 _Taking a break, I guess._

"Excuse me sir," I say as I approach him.

"Yes?"

"I'm looking for this girl," I respond and pull out the picture of Kathy her parents gave to me. "Have you seen her?"

"No, I haven't. We've just started to load shipments today."

I sigh and fold up the paper. "Thanks."

* * *

The next day I'm not hungover but instead walking around town. Even private investigators need breaks. I don't mean for it to sound selfish but my head sometimes needs a break. I turn a corner and walk into an ally way. It's a short cut to the bakery I'm headed to. I hear a sound behind me but keep walking. When I'm nearing the exit of the ally the sound gets louder so I turn around. A man stands behind me.

"Can I help you with something?" I ask.

"Yeah. I thought you'd like to have a good time."

"No thanks." I mutter and walk away.

 _Is this happening again?_

A hand wraps around my arm and shoves me up against the wall. Pain shoots down my back and I groan.

"It wasn't a question." The man growls.

"Let. Go. Of. Me." I seethe.

He chuckles dryly. "Oh yeah? And what are you going to do about it?"

I'm about to respond when a deep voice speaks up beside us. "I believe the woman said to let her go."

The man and I break our stare and turn our heads to see a man standing there. Four.

"This doesn't involve you, so get outta here!"

"I'll leave when you let the woman go."

"Buddy," The man scoffs, "Who do you think you are."

"Me, I'm nobody. I'm just telling you to let the woman go."

The man lets me go. He walks over to Four but he just stands there, hands in his pockets.

"Leave before I put you in the hospital." The man speaks. When he stands next to him, Four is the obviously taller one.

Four looks at him and leans in closer so that his mouth his by his ear. He whispers something to him and the man's hands that were clenched into fists so hard that they turned red, start to lose their color. His hands unfold and he turns around to me. He looks like he's seen a ghost, his face pale and his eyes are filled with fear.

"S-sorry." He stutters and quickly walks away.

When I turn back in Four's direction he's already heading back towards the streets.

"Hey, wait!" I yell and run after him. Because of his height two of his strides equals like six of my small ones but finally I catch up to him. "Hey," I say breathlessly. I expect him to look at me but he just keeps his eyes fixated in front of him. I sigh. "Look I didn't need your help."

He snorts in response.

"I'm serious I had him back there!"

"Pole." He says.

I look in front of me to see I'm about to walk into a pole. I quickly dodge it but in the process I almost lose him in the crowd of people. When I spot him again and rejoin him by his side.

"So you lend a helping hand and then just ignore the person when they try to talk to you?" I ask and he just keeps walking. I pick up my pace and stop in front of him. I place my hand on his chest and stop his walking. I'm only touching his shirt and I can still feel his muscles. "Okay, wait a minute."

"Yes?" He asks as if he wasn't just ignoring me.

"Why'd you'd help me?"

"Because you needed it." He shrugs.

"Really?"

"I saw a woman being pinned against the wall by a man twice her size. It didn't look right.

"Oh, so because I'm a woman I couldn't handle it?"

"Now you're just putting words in my mouth." He gives me one more look before walking away.

I roll my eyes. I turn around a watch his figure as he keeps walking. I bite my lip and contemplate in running after him. I do.

"Four, wait!"

He turns around just as I catch up with him. "What do you want?"

"I guess you're right. Thanks for the help." I grumble.

He only nods his head in response.

"So I mean… what's your deal?" I don't know why I'm suddenly so interested in Four.

"What makes you think I have a deal?" He retorts.

"Someone who has their name as a number usually has a deal."

He leans in closer to my face but not close enough to where he's invading my personal space. It makes me gulp and I hold my breath. "Yeah, and they like to usually keep it private." He says before walking away.

I stand there amongst the passing crowd of people.

 _That was interesting._

* * *

I see Uriah's mouth moving, meaning he's speaking but really, his words go in one ear and out the other. I just stare straight ahead of me watching the people in the park pass by.

A hand waves in front of my face. "Babe? Babe?" Uriah calls out.

"Huh?"

Uriah smirks and leans back in his chair. "Were you listening to a word I said?"

"No." I answer honestly.

He puts down the fry he was about to eat. "Okay so the only reason you ever ignore me is because you're either pissed at me or…" He trails off. Then the corners of his mouth tug up into a smile. "So, who's the guy?"

I roll my eyes and scoff.

"Mmm hmm. Eye roll followed by the infamous scoff. It's totally a guy." He says the last part in a high pitched voice.

"For your information, I don't even know the guy."

"So it is a guy! What's so special about him?"

"Nothing's special about him. It's just…" Uriah chews fry after fry as he waits for me to finish my sentence. "There's something about him. Something I'm actually afraid of."

Now that I've said the sentence out loud I realize it's true. I've never shown fear to anyone. I'm one to be intimidating. But there's just… a vibe from Four that makes me shake with fear. But as a private investigator my mind is craving to find out why I feel this way.

"I see. I see." Uriah taps his chin repeatedly in cadence. "So he scares you but you want to know more."

I smile. "You know me so well."

* * *

 **Aw, number boy saved Tris from possibly being raped. How sweet.**

 **I forgot to mention this in my last AN, but one of my _Guest_ reviews didn't seem to understand why Tris is a drunk. I'm sure the previous chapter shed a small amount of light on the subject, or it just may have confused you even further. But the reasons for her excessive drinking will be made known later on in the story. You'll just have to wait until then. ;) **

**Also, thank you for everyone who has fav/followed my story. You guys are great!**

 **See you all in the next update!**

 **~ Mal**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I stand in front of a two-story modern cottage home. The lawn is warm and inviting and full of life. But from where I'm standing I can clearly tell there's no life, or love in this home right now. It seems cold and desolate, like it's been abandoned for ages. I walk up the small steps that lead to the porch. I hold my fist up against the door before knocking. I hear the sound of a dog's bark and footsteps approaching the door. A few moments later Meghan opens the door. She looks awful; bags under her eyes, pale, and you can tell she's been crying.

"Thank you for coming Tris."

"No problem."

She sniffs and opens the door wider for me to come in. The house is dark inside and cold. I'm guessing no one else is home. She leads me towards the living room.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" She asks and clears up some magazines on the coffee table.

"No thanks."

I hear thundering footsteps and I see a Great Dane dashing down the staircase. He runs up to me and because of his big height, almost knocks me over but I'm able to gain my balance by grabbing the sofa's edge.

"Thunder!" Meghan yells. "Get off!"

Immediately he gets off of me and sits down, his tail wagging. I breathe a sigh of relief and brush myself off as if there is evident dirt on me.

"I'm so sorry. He's just really friendly." She takes his collar and leads him towards the sliding doors. She opens them and he runs into the backyard.

"Just don't let him come near me again."

"You don't like dogs?" She asks as she closes the sliding door.

"No I like them. Just not when they're all over me."

She nods and gestures for me to sit down. She follows my movements.

"Have you found anything yet?"

"Um, maybe." I speak." I spoke to Emily and Kathy's boyfriend – "

"Wait, wait. Kathy doesn't have a boyfriend." Meghan interrupts.

"Uh…" I draw my word out. "Yes she does. Andrew Jackson, the captain of the football team."

"What?! No, we don't allow her to date until she's eighteen!"

I shrug.

"W-who told them to start dating?!"

I widen my eyes. "Not me."

"For how long?!"

"Two months."

"Well what did he say?!"

"He says he hasn't seen Kathy either. Five days. They had an argument and she said they were over. Finished."

Meghan stays quiet for a minute letting it all sink in. "Does he know where my daughter is?"

"No. But he wants to see her just as much as you do."

She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "Yeah right. I need to talk to him."

"No!" I exclaim and she looks at me. "As a parent who didn't know who her daughter was or is dating, I know you will over react. Let me talk to him."

* * *

I shove Andrew up against the brick wall of an apartment building and he groans.

Coincidently while I was walking home I saw Andrew walking down the street alone so I took the opportunity to talk to him.

"Why didn't you tell me that Kathy's parents didn't know she was dating!" I demand.

"Kathy wanted to keep it a secret. She knew that her parents wouldn't allow us to date so she told me to keep it a secret."

"And you neglected to tell me when I'm searching for her!"

"I'm sorry okay! I-I didn't think it would matter."

I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Did you guys ever meet up at the docks?"

"No. We usually met up at a coffee shop or the park."

"Which coffee shop?"

"Um… some place called Tori's Café."

"I'd stay out of the Smith's way if I were you."

He doesn't respond but instead his face turns pale and he gulps.

* * *

A bell dings when I enter Tori's Café. It smells of sweets and baked goods, which gives me a headache. There's only a small amount of people inside. I walk up to the counter and ring the bell that sits atop of it. A few moments later a woman emerges from the back of the shop with two trays of cupcakes on her palms.

"Be with you in a moment." She mutters and starts to put the cupcakes up on display.

I would not imagine that a girl like her would be working at a café like this. She has blue and black hair that is in dreads, earrings are lined up on her ear lobe, and a ring piercing on her nose.

"Can I help you?" She asks once she's done.

"Yeah. Are you Tori?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I need to ask you some questions."

"About?"

I pull out the picture of Kathy that's in my jacket pocket. "Do you know this girl?"

Tori looks at the picture and nods her head. "Yeah I do. I haven't seen her in a few days though."

"That's because she's missing."

"Oh, wow."

"When she came here, was she alone?"

"No, not for long anyway. Her and her boyfriend stopped by a lot and she used to see some other guy."

"Wait, some other guy? Who?"

"He's mid-height, pale skin. Tattoos all over his body, piercings in his ear. He'd always be wearing a heavy black jacket, the same thing every time. He looked like he's in his late twenties, early thirties. They'd sit at that table," She points to a small round table for two by the door. "And nowhere else."

"What was Kathy like around him?"

"She seemed nervous around him. Like at any moment the guy would snap. You couldn't blame her though. He isn't the friendliest looking guy. One time I walked over to the table while she was there to see if she wanted anything. She looked at me with wide eyes and shook her head."

"How long did their conversations usually last?"

"Not long. Five minutes at best."

"When did you start seeing Kathy with this man?"

She thinks about this before a moment before answering, "About a month ago."

"Anything else I should know?"

"Yeah, sometimes she used to leave with him."

"Where'd they go?"

"I don't know, I stayed inside. I have a shop to run. But they'd go in the direction of the docks to the North."

"Thanks for your time."

* * *

I'm walking home from the café when I spot a certain somebody from across the street. Four stands there talking to some other guy. He has darker skin and short hair. He's almost as tall as Four but a couple inches shorter. I recognize him but I don't know from where. They start to walk down the road in the opposite direction from where I'm standing.

 _I really wanna go after them._

But I can't do that. I don't even have a reason for following him. Not to mention I have a case on my hands. But I really want to find out more about number boy. I know I shouldn't. No I can't do it. I won't do it. My feet start in the direction of where Four and his friend are walking. I stay on the other side of the street but still keep an eye on them from where I'm at.

After a short while of following them Four and his friend depart ways with a bro-hug. The type of hug man does when they slap each other's backs. I never understood why men do that.

Four turns the corner and keeps walking. I have no choice but to cross the street to keep him in view. I dodge behind some people so that he hopefully won't notice my stalking him.

I keep following until he stops in front of a gym. It's small and doesn't look like much but then again looks can be deceiving. I stop a few feet away from the doors. _I should probably go now._

Before I can start walking, Four comes back out. He doesn't seem to notice me so I follow him. Two blocks later he comes to another stop in front of a hair salon and waits outside. Why would he be here? My question is answered when a woman walks out with a smile on her face. She sure is a looker. Slim, tall, brown hair that stops just above her shoulders, styled in a bob. When Four sees her, he smiles lightly and wraps his arms around waist and kisses her. It's short and sweet but from the looks of it she wants to deepen it.

Of course he has a girlfriend. I mean look at him. If he didn't, I'd be very worried.

* * *

I take a long gulp of the scotch and put it back on my desk. The glass clinks against the wood and vibrates into my hand. I sit down and stare into space.

Kathy Smith. Sixteen-year-old girl. Missing for five days. Secret boyfriend. Trouble with best friend. Odd behavior. Bullied. Meet up with mystery man.

 _Still not enough to go on._

I put the bottle of scotch back to my lips. It seems like this is the closest thing I get from escaping reality. And then it hits me like a truck when I wake up. Still, at least it's some sort of escape.

* * *

I jolt awake. My body feels ice cold but yet sweat is running down my forehead and down my arms. _Not again. This can't be happening again._ It was bloody and gruesome. They're getting worse.

I clench my teeth together and dig my fists into my eyes.

 _Inner demon. My inner demon._

* * *

 **Okay, I'm telling you this now that you do NOT have to worry about Four's 'girlfriend'. This will indeed be a FourTris story.**

 **If there were a way to respond to guest reviews, I would. And, I would tell this certain 'guest' of how much I appreciate their review. It's amazing, thank you so much. I'm surprised that you would abandon your normal routine in reading a fanfic that has limited chapters, for _my_ story (don't feel bad though, I do the same thing). But my _guest_ also asked for my updating schedule (I don't know why I haven't told my readers yet). The schedule I'm trying to stick with is every Monday and Friday; so expect updates then. **

**And I just want to say I treasure every single one of you who review, as well as those who follow/favorite my story. I love it!**

 **See you in the next update!**

 **~ Mal**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The next day I'm wandering down by the docks. I swear, there's something up with this place. Why would Kathy keep coming here? There's a different crew here today, maybe they have something.

"Excuse me sir," I say as I approach the man.

"Who are you?"

I don't answer his question but instead pull out the picture of Kathy. "I'm looking for this girl. Have you seen her?"

"Nah, not me. But my boss might have. He's here most of the time."

"Where is your boss?"

"He's not working now. He should be here in about two hours or so."

"Thanks."

I start to walk away when he calls me, "Hey lady!" I turn to him. "You shouldn't be out here all by yourself. Guys around here like em' young."

I can literally feel vile come up in my mouth. _That's disgusting._

* * *

I munch on the kettle corn I bought from a nearby candy store as I walk down the street.

What that guy said really bothered me. Maybe I should do something about it. Maybe take self-defense classes? That way I can beat anybody to a pulp if my life is in danger. But that sounds too ruthless. Then again self-defense classes couldn't hurt. I don't want to have someone save me when I'm being mugged - like Four did.

Without even realizing it I'm in the same neighborhood that I followed Four to. I stop in my tracks and think. He went into a gym. A gym. I start to walk again until I find what I'm looking for. The Pit.

I open the doors and walk in. It's not a relatively big gym but it's big enough where there are body builders toward the back and enough room for an upper level with treadmills and such. I didn't even notice that from the outside.

"Can I help you?" A woman asks from behind the counter.

"Uh," I look around to see I'm the only one standing here. "I guess so."

"And what can I help you with?"

I walk up to the counter and lean on it a bit. "Do you guys, by any chance, teach self-defense classes?"

"Yes, actually we do."

I'm about to speak up when I hear a familiar deep voice. "Just keep working on that technique and when you come next week I'm sure you'll be good to go."

I turn my head to see Four walking side by side with an older man. Not old, old, but… older. The man nods, thanks Four and walks out the gym. I look at him but he doesn't realize I'm standing here. Black t-shirt, basketball shorts, Nikes. He looks good. _Stop that!_

"Nita, I need the number to one of my clients. They haven't paid their membership fee yet." He says to her, still not seeing me.

I look at Nita to see she's gawking at him. "O-of course Four."

I pop a kettle corn in my mouth and begin to chew. "Nita dear," I say and she breaks her trance. "I'm waiting."

In the corner of my eyes I see Four look at me. He must not obviously recognize me so I turn to him and take of my sunglasses.

I smile. "Hi."

He just looks at me in return.

"Why were you here?" Nita asks. It sounds a bit harsher than I expected.

"Oh I'm sorry. Did I interrupt you gazing at number boy over there? I'm just a valuable customer who's looking for someone who teaches self-defense classes."

"Listen here – "

"I can help you with that." Four cuts Nita off.

"Thank you." I look Nita up and down and she glares at me.

"Come with me." Four says and he starts walking away. I follow him into a small office towards the back. "So you're interested in self-defense classes?"

For some reason being in a small room, alone with Four, who's incredibly handsome and a bit sweaty has me feeling a bit… yeah, that.

I shake my head of the thought. "Um, yeah."

"Can I ask why?"

"My job isn't exactly the… safest."

"You a drug dealer?"

"What? No!" I state in disgust.

He folds his arms and shrugs. "Just figured."

"And why would you figure?"

"Alcoholic. Why not throw in drugs while you're at it?"

I gape at him. "This coming from the man who has a violent temper and teaches self-defense classes! Don't you think that's a bit – "

"Hypocritical?"

"Yeah."

He chuckles softly and it sounds like music to my ears. "I've heard that one before." I roll my eyes at him. "Okay, listen. If you want to be taught how to defend yourself, you at least need to clean up your act."

"What act?"

"With the amount of alcohol I'm assuming you consume, it's not healthy for your body."

"All I want is to learn is self-defense."

"Yeah but you need to consider all aspects of your health before starting anything."

I huff in frustration and put a handful of kettle corn in my mouth. I start to chew loudly.

"Look I think you should – "

And again.

"Come back when you've – "

And again.

"Gotten your – "

And again.

He stays quiet and looks at me. There's still some kettle corn in my mouth but I stop chewing. "I think you should come back when you've gotten your – "

I interrupt him by chewing loudly again. He throws his hands up in frustration.

I swallow what's left of my food. "You were saying?"

"Forget it." He mutters and walks to the door but I stand in his way.

"Okay I'm sorry." _Did I just apologize?_

"You're sorry?" He asks, his voice clouded with mock and humor. It's like he just read my mind.

I gulp and nod. "Yeah, I'm s-sorry."

"Hmm." He hums thoughtfully. "Next time I see you, I'm sure will be at that meeting." Four walks out the door leaving me fuming in the office.

* * *

"And do you know what he said?!" I roar.

Uriah, who sits on my sofa, quickly shakes his head.

"That… jerk said that once I've gotten my act together." I try to mock Four's deep voice to the best of my ability. "Can you believe him?!"

"Well… he isn't totally wrong you know."

I point at Uriah. "I didn't ask for your opinion."

"Yeah but you're gonna get it anyways."

I walk away from him and go into the kitchen. I pull out one of my bottles from the cabinet and untwist the cap before putting it to my mouth. When I turn around I bump into Uriah.

" _This_ is what I'm talking about Tris." His voice is filled with frustration and sadness. He takes the bottle from my hands and throws it out the open window in my kitchen.

"Uriah, what the hell!" I run to the window just in time to see the bottle hit the floor. At first it seems like nothing's happening but then shards of glass fly in all angles in the ally. For a moment I think of how my life used to be. It all seemed great. That is until I hit rock bottom. I turn back to Uriah. "You know I can just buy another one, right?"

"Well you do that on your own terms, when I'm not here." He walks back to the living room as do I. He sits back down on the sofa and lean on my desk. "Tris what happened to you, huh? What happened to make you turn into this _thing_?"

"This thing?" I echo. "Uriah, you know what happened. The whole city of Chicago knows what happened."

"You need to move past that."

"What if it's not so easy. What if I can't."

"There's no such thing as you can't."

"Listen if this is what we're going to talk about, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave Uriah."

"I'm not going anywhere Tris."

"I said leave Uriah. Please, just go."

He scoffs and gets up from the sofa. "I hope you know… that I have been a damn good friend to stick around through all of this." He says before walking out the door and slamming it behind him.

* * *

I can't seem to focus. My mind feels like at any moment it might explode. Meghan and John have been calling me more lately. I know they're anxious to find their daughter but they need to relax so I can do my job. Then I remember I have to meet with that man's boss. Maybe someone can finally lend a helping hand.

When I reach down by the docks the same crew is there. I see the same man I was talking to so I walk up to him.

"Where's your boss?"

The man looks at me and obviously remembers me. He points to a man near the back of the docks who's talking to some other guy. "Right over there."

I thank him and walk over to his boss. "Excuse me sir."

The man he was talking to leaves and he looks at me. "May I help you?"

"I'm looking for this girl." I pull out the picture of Kathy and show it to him. "Have you seen her?"

"Yeah, yeah I have."

"What? Where?"

"She came here often. For about a month or so. She'd be alone and then some guy would come here and they'd walk away together."

"What guy?"

"I don't know. Mid-height, pale skin. He had a lot of tattoos, especially around his neck. And some piercings in his ear, they're really gross."

"Did this man by any chance wear a thick black coat?"

The man looks at me and nods. "How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," I mutter. "Is there anything else that could help me find Kathy?"

"One time I asked them what they were doing here. That girl, Kathy, looked like she'd seen a ghost. She said to leave, that it's none of my business. Of course I never knew the girl but she looked too nice to say something like that."

"And the man, he didn't say anything?"

"Not a word."

My mind wanders back to what Tori had said. She said Kathy is the one who gave her the hint to leave, not the man.

"Oh and one time she came with a friend."

That peeks my interest. "A friend?"

"Yeah. She looked like her age, caramel skin color, jet black curly hair, on the shorter side."

 _Definitely not Emily._

"Did you by any chance hear a name?"

"No." A voice calls the boss over. "I gotta go. I hope you find that girl."

"Me too."

* * *

"Can I get you something to drink?" Meghan asks.

"No thanks." I respond.

"What is it you wanted to tell us?" John asks as he sits on the sofa. Meghan does the same and I sit on love seat.

"I have been asking around the places Kathy has been to, to see if anyone has seen her. It seems she spent a lot of her time at the docks."

"The docks?" They say in unison.

"Yeah. Has Kathy by any chance introduced you to a friend? Caramel skin, curly black hair, short?"

"Yes," Meghan speaks up. "Her name's Kimberly."

"Okay. Where did Kathy meet Kimberly?"

"I don't know. One day they both walked through the door. Kathy said that they were study partners for school."

"When was this?"

Meghan's thoughtful for a minute. "About three weeks ago. Now that I think about it, she introduced me to Kimberly when her and Emily were having friendship issues."

"Do you think Kathy was trying to replace Emily?"

"She wouldn't." John says.

"Yeah, I agree. Her and Emily have been best friends since childhood. Whatever their fight was about, I believe their friendship is stronger. Her and Kimberly just seemed like mere… acquaintances. When the girl was here, I went up to Kathy's room, that's where they were doing their school work. When I peered into the room they both were very hush, hush. It was like they knew I was there but just didn't acknowledge me."

"And you didn't think this was weird, at all?"

"No. I just assumed they were talking about a boy."

 _Speaking of boys._ "Has Kathy ever talked about a man?"

"There's a man to?!" John roars.

"No, no. Well… yes." I'm not sure how to word this. "The people I have asked has told me that they have seen Kathy with a man. An older man. Mid-height, tattoos, piercings. Late twenties, early thirties.

"What?!" The couple exclaim in unison.

"Do you know anything or think you may have seen the man?"

Meghan draws a shaky breath. "Not that I know of," I look to John and he shakes his head. "Do you t-think he took my baby?"

"I don't know. But trust me when I say I am going to find Kathy."

* * *

They keep coming back. Over and over again. And they keep getting stronger every time. Uriah is usually here to comfort me but we haven't spoken since our little disagreement, which was two days ago. I hate being away from my best friend, especially when he's angry at me. So, I had nothing else to turn to except alcohol.

I stumble into the bar, the same one I did a few days ago. The bartender who was cleaning the glasses last time, is here again. When he sees me, he nods his head and puts a glass of water on the table. I fumble my way over to the bar, bumping into some people on the way.

"Thank you," I smile at him and start to drink the water.

"Yeah, no problem." He replies.

"What was your name again?"

"George."

"George. Like Curious George?" I chuckle at my statement. "I like that cartoon. You know, they don't make a lot of nice cartoons like that anymore. It's really sad." I pout.

He chuckles too. "No. George Wu."

"Hmm. That's a nice combo."

"You're more drunk than last time, aren't you?"

"Nope," I state proudly, popping my 'p'. "You, sir… are seeing things."

"Yeah sure. Just let me know when you're done so I can call a cab for you." He walks away to serve other people.

I look around the bar and smile. Then I hear laughter close by, so I turn my head to see a lady talking to some guy. They're both smiling and laughing. The dude looks familiar - oh wait, it's Four. The woman he's with is different from the one I saw him kiss, but she keeps making flirtatious movements.

 _I can be flirtatious too._

Slowly I get up from the stool and flounder my way over to the table. I feel lighter on my feet but somehow I still manage to trip over them. I nearly fall to the floor but I grab onto a table that keeps me off the ground. The woman screeches a bit when I land at her and Four's table.

I chuckle and look up to see Four staring at me. "Hi," I laugh.

"God, can you get off!" The woman exclaims and pushes me off the table.

I glare at her. "Who are you?"

"Who are you?!" She demands.

I look at Four again. He's just sitting there, pinching the bridge of his nose. _What's wrong with him?_ "I'm his girlfriend." I finally answer. For some reason the way the word girlfriend rolled off my tongue feels right, especially since I'm referring to Four.

"You're his girlfriend?" She asks and looks between me and him. "Is she serious?"

"No, she is – " Four starts.

"I absolutely am!" I interject. "Yup, girlfriend. Two long years of being this specimen's girlfriend." I comb my fingers through his hair. It's so soft and the action calms me.

The woman scoffs and scoots back in her chair. The action causes a sour noise to erupt and it hurts my ears. Four stays quiet for a moment before getting up from the chair. He turns to me and is a foot taller than me, maybe even taller. I gulp a little and remember that this man actually scares me.

"What the hell is your problem?" He asks quietly.

"What problem? I don't have a problem." I respond innocently.

"That's the understatement of the century."

"But - but don't you already have a girlfriend? I saw you kissing her outside the hair salon." I widen my eyes as the words come out of my mouth. _Idiot._

"You what?"

"Yeah, it was a little smooch the tootch." I have no idea where these words are coming from.

"You need to go home." He says and walks away.

"Wait, wait!" I exclaim and grabbed onto his arm. "Don't go. I-I don't wanna be lonely." I whisper.

"Then find someone who cares." He shrugs off my hand.

He starts to walk to the door when George calls him, "Hey man. Can you give her a lift home? I was about to call a cab anyway. She can't go home alone, not in her condition."

"Oh, we're not friends." Four states.

"Are you sure?" George asks with a smile and points behind him.

Four turns around to see I'm standing there with a smile on my face, looking up at him. He sighs and closes his eyes. Ten seconds late he opens them. "Let's go." He walks away and out the door.

I skip and follow him outside. "So, what are we gonna do now?"

"I'm taking you home and hope that I never see you again." He answers curtly.

"Uh, that doesn't sound like much fun."

He stops abruptly and turns to me. "You think this is a game?"

His mouth continues to move but I don't hear anything coming out. I begin to feel a bit dizzy, as if at any moment I might tip over. I start to sway a bit.

"Hey, you in there?" He shakes my shoulder.

I stare at him. "Four?" I ask before everything goes black.

* * *

 **I seriously hope you all have enjoyed this chapter.**

 **And sorry about the late update. This weekend was very hectic for me and I absolutely had no time to update; but not updating on Friday had me thinking. From now on I am going to update only on Mondays. I'm sorry to dissapoint some of you but it's easier for me to keep up with, maybe later on I'll reconsider updating on Fridays again but until then updates will just be on Mondays.**

 **I'll see you all next week during the next update!**

 **~ Mal**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

At first I don't know where I am. Then I feel the warmth of my sheets to know I'm in my bed. That's when I feel the pounding in my head as if someone is hammering it. I groan as I slowly sit up. Night has already fallen and I can see the street post lights on through my window. My stomach turns and I stagger my way to the bathroom while covering my mouth. Just before I miss it, I kneel in front of the toilet. I hate this part. My body feels anything but normal. After God knows how long, I finally get up. I rinse my mouth out with water and walk into the kitchen. It's dark in my apartment except for the oven light that's on. Opening the fridge, I grab a bottle of water.

"Glad to see you're up." A deep voice speaks.

I shut the fridge and turn around to see Four leaning against the wall, arms crossed. In this position I can see his muscles through his shirt. "You didn't rape me did you?"

He shakes his head. "I have no interest in that."

I don't know why but having a man in here that's twice my size isn't intimidating. At any other time, I'd be kicking them out right about now. But it's a different case with Four. "How'd you know where I live?"

"I had to look at your ID. Since you passed out."

"Yeah, sorry about that. I had a bad day."

He stands up straight now. "You seem like you have a lot of those."

I nod. "You can say that."

He's quite for a minute. "You're a private investigator."

"Yeah, have been for a while now."

He snickers. "No wonder you need to have alcohol on hand. I know it can be tough with everyday life."

"What'd you mean?" I wonder why our conversation is so easy.

"That's nothing that concerns you."

"Aw man. I thought you were actually going to be nice." I tease.

He raises an eyebrow. "Why do you drink?"

"That's none of your business." I answer without thought.

"Exactly."

"Should I be worried you know where I live now?"

He smirks and shakes his head. "I'll see you around Pigeon." He walks out the door.

 _Did he just call me Pigeon?_

* * *

I develop Uriah into a bone crushing hug when I see his face. It's been two days since I blacked out drunk. I didn't get a hangover yesterday because I was continuing my search for Kathy - to no prevail. But I missed my best friend tremendously so I asked him if we could meet up at our favorite park. He agreed which leaves us where we are right now.

He hugs me back tightly. "Hey you," He whispers. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." I reply, though my voice is slightly muffled by his jacket.

He releases me but still holds me by the shoulders. "How have you been?"

"Not good. I didn't like the way we ended things."

"Me neither."

"Can I have my best friend back?"

"Of course." Uriah smiles. "You wouldn't me anywhere without me." He adds.

 _There's the Uriah I know and love._ "I know."

We grab a bite to eat from a nearby hot dog stand and start to walk.

"How's work?" He asks before taking a bite of her food.

I sigh. "It's been rough. Kathy has left zero to a very limited amount of clues. Whenever I feel like I'm getting close… it's really nothing."

"What do you have to go on?"

"Secret boyfriend- he's telling the truth. Trouble with best friend, she didn't do it. New friend, haven't found her… and I've searched everywhere, and then there's the mystery man Kathy meets up with. I just… don't know."

"Do you think this could be something bigger than what you're thinking?"

"No I don't…" I trail off. Then something clicks. The newspaper. My mind wanders back to when Uriah picked it up.

 _"_ _Man, look at this," He said and picked up a newspaper. The headline reads_ **'** **Teenage Girls Abducted.'**

 _"_ _Abducted?" I asked. "That's a bit overdramatic, don't you think?"_

 _"_ _Whatever gets people to pay to read it." Uriah muttered. "But why is it overdramatic. These girls went missing."_

 _"_ _They probably just ran_ away _from home. You ever heard of hormonal teenage girls?" I asked sarcastically._

"Uriah!" I scream, causing him to drop his hot dog in shock. "You're a freaking genius!" I punch him in his arm and he groans. "Come on let's go." I start to jog away.

"You're gonna get me a new hot dog right?!" He calls after me.

* * *

I smile as I flip through the pages in the newspaper. To someone else reading this, they might have frowned or even cried as some people do. But not me. To me this is an opportunity to find out what's going on.

After finding a newspaper cart in the park, I asked the man who watched over it if they still had the article from last week on the missing teenage girls. Luckily for me, he had one more, so I took it. When I bought it I rushed home, with Uriah by my side. He sits on my couch while I sit at my desk.

"This. Is. Amazing." I say word-by-word. Then something catches my eye. "Uriah, Uriah come here!"

He tilts his head back and groans and gets up. He's walking too slow for my liking so when he's in range I drag him over by his sleeve. "Look at this." I point to a picture. A picture of all the missing girls.

"Yeah, it's a picture of girls. So?"

"Look at these two." I point to two at one time. One is pale and has orange like hair with freckles dancing all over her face. She has kind brown eyes. Kathy. And the other one is Kimberly. "That's Kathy and that's Kimberly. Kimberly went missing two days before Kathy did. The last place she was seen… was near the docks. The same docks where Kathy was going over and over again. It makes no sense."

"I don't know what to tell you Tris." Uriah breathes out.

"I don't know what to tell myself either."

"Well maybe you could… try and find Kimberly's parents. Or even some of the other parents of the other girls. Maybe they know something."

I ponder over this for a moment. "Yeah, I think I'll do that." Uriah goes back to sit on my couch. "Hey Uri?" I ask and he hums. "Do you think… I should take self-defense classes?"

He stares at me.

"Can you just say something already?"

"I mean… if you wanna."

"No," I moan. "You're supposed to tell me yes or no."

"Well what's the reason you want to take self-defense classes?"

"Because I want to be able to protect myself." I tell him.

He smiles. "That's only partially true."

"What? N-no its not."

"Yes it is. What's the other reason?"

I laugh nervously. "There's no other reason." _Liar._

"Ok," He puts his hands up in a surrender position. "Don't tell me."

Why do I have the sudden urge to take self-defense classes? No it can't be because of him. I just met the guy. _No, that can't be it. It's not it._

* * *

Just as Uriah had suggested, I looked further into the disappearance of Kimberly. Like I did with Kathy, I asked all of her teachers the same questions I asked Kathy's, they even shared some of the same teachers. All answered that they last they saw Kimberly though was a six days before Kathy's disappearance. When I asked them about her parents and if they could provide an address they told me Kimberly's parents had divorced and her mother had custody of her. That was before she passed and she automatically went with her father. The father had moved from their old house into a new neighborhood and didn't bother providing a new address. Now he sees no reason to since Kimberly disappeared.

After taking all of that in, Uriah suggested we take a break and refresh ourselves which I agreed to which now leaves us walking through the crowded streets of Chicago.

"This may be something bigger than I expected." I mutter.

"I think so. I mean, several girls have gone missing, all around the same time. Don't you find that odd?"

"Yeah but… I just feel like I don't have all the re – " I stop in mid-sentence when I walk head-on into something, something hard. I take a few steps back and rub my head before looking up to see what I bumped into.

Uriah laughs beside me. "You okay?"

I try to reply as I stare up at Four.

When he sees me, he cracks a small smile. "Ow, that hurt."

I know he's only joking because I'm the one that walked straight into his rock solid abs.

Before I can speak Uriah beats me to it, "Four?" He asks incredulously.

Four turns to Uriah and his eyes widen a bit. "Hey man." He says before they give each other the infamous bro-hug. "It's been awhile."

 _Am I missing something here?_

The two quickly start up a conversation as if I'm not even standing there, still holding my head from walking into Four. I quietly take out my flask from my pants pocket and start to drink while the two still carry on with yapping at the mouth. I put away my flask just as Uriah asks Four what he does for a living now.

"I'm a self-defense trainer at gym."

I seriously want to slap Four right now as Uriah slowly turns his head to look at me with a goofy grin. "Did you hear that babe? He's a self-defense trainer!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Four looks taken back. "You guys are _dating_?"

"Ew, God no!" I exclaim and Uriah fake gags. "Ew! That's disgusting Four! Why would you think that?!"

"Did he not just call you _babe_?"

Uriah chuckles lightly and I roll my eyes. "That's just a stupid nickname he came up with for me. Believe me we are _not_ dating. I am single. Very, very single." I don't know why I seem so determined to prove to Four that I'm actually single.

"Best friends I'm assuming." He turns to Uriah.

"Too long." He laughs and I slap his arm. "So Four… how long have you been teaching self-defense classes?"

 _I'm gonna kill him._

"For a while now. If I don't get there soon I won't have a job so I'll see you guys around." Him and Uriah give each other another bro-hug before Four gives me one last look. His deep blue eyes bore into mine and I inwardly shudder. Or maybe I didn't shudder on the inside because he smirks at me before walking away.

When I turn around to look at Uriah he has his hands shaped in a heart and he softly nods his head.

"No, don't even go there." I say and walk away.

Uriah laughs and rejoins me by my side. "Oh come on Tris! You can't deny it even if you wanted to! I practically saw the love!"

"Uriah, we just met!"

"Can you feel the love tonight…" He starts to sing, way off key.

"Uriah!"

"Okay, okay. But that was not the first time you guys met."

"Okay so we met at the support group and may have ran into each other a couple times. But nothing more and nothing less, so can we drop it."

Uriah hums. "Alright. Whatever you say."

I really want to drop the conversation but I can't stop myself from asking, "How do you know Four."

"Wanted to drop the conversation, huh?" He mumbles and I scowl at him. "Four is Zeke's best friend. I would hang out with them when I could. I don't keep in contact with Zeke anymore but I'm pretty sure they're still besties."

I remember Zeke. He's Uri's older brother by two years. When I would hang out with Uriah as kids, Zeke would sometimes be around as well. I also know that when the brothers got older they lost contact with each other, I don't know why though. Uriah never brings it up so I don't either. We both know there's a certain boundary we don't cross, even though we're like a brother and sister to each other. We still mind each other's private problems.

"So what were you going to say before we ran into your boyfriend back there?"

I'm about to open my mouth to speak but instead I close it back and glare at him.

"Sorry." He mutters.

"I was saying that I don't think I have all the resources to solve this case."

Uriah thinks for a moment. "Maybe you can ask her for some help."

I shake my head in disagreement. "No," I say fiercely. "There has to be some other way."

"The police?"

"Meghan and John said that they already went to the police but they didn't do anything."

"Well if you don't want her help, you have to look in another direction."

"Fine." I grumble.

A moment of silence passes by before Uriah speaks again. "Four knows a lot about this city you know."

"What?"

"Four. He knows a lot about this city. Maybe he can help you."

I scoff. "I don't need his help." My voice sounds lighthearted, like I don't believe my own words.

Uriah shrugs. "I dunno. Just figured you could use the set of hands to ease you off your problems." I sigh. "And to use those sets of hands in other places as well." He winks at me before walking off.

* * *

 **I hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Sorry if there are any typos; I didn't have time to review the chapter. But on a totally different note - HAS ANYONE HEAR THE RUMORS THAT THEO JAMES MAY BE THE NEW JAMES BOND?! I'd seriously watch all of the movies he's in.**

 **And thank you so, so much to the ones who have fav/followed my story; it means the world to me as those who review.**

 **See you all in the next update.**

 **~ Mal**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I stare up at the building in front of me. Lincoln Center. I don't want to be here but I know I have to. Uriah practically begged me to come over the past couple of days, even interrupting my investigation of Kathy and possibly even Kimberly. But that's a whole different topic.

I sigh and enter the building and walk up the familiar stairwell.

 _I wonder if he'll be here._

I really need to talk to him. My mind keeps wandering back to what Uriah said, _"Four. He knows a lot about this city. Maybe he can help you."_

What's that supposed to mean?

I enter the room and find the same group of people that were here last week – including Four. It hasn't started yet but the only empty seat is the one by him. I walk over to the chair and quietly sit down. I look at him through my peripheral vision but he's just staring straight ahead of him. I cast my eyes down to the close proximity that's between us. I don't know if that makes him uncomfortable.

 _Why is he not saying anything?_

Seeing that there's some space to my left I scoot my chair over just a bit to give him so space. Even though I'm looking ahead, I see Four smirk out of the corner of my eye.

The door opens up and Johanna walks in.

"Good evening ladies and gents. Thank you for coming out today." She says and stands at the end of the circle. "Last week we briefly talked about your inner demon. Now I'm here to help you understand that demon."

"How?" One guy asks.

"Each of you have a different demon, which means that each of you have a different way of dealing with it. I'm going to go around the room and ask you a question – what is your inner demon."

 _No. No I can't._

"Now be aware that you can pass your turn but… I think it'll help tremendously if you share your thoughts. Let's begin."

Johanna points to a man. He looks around nervously before slowly rising from his chair. "M-my n-name's Albert. I-I-I…" He stutters.

"It's alright Albert. Take your time." Johanna says gently.

Albert takes a deep breath before speaking, "I caused a friend to end up in the hospital. A coma. I don't want to say how it happened though."

"It's fine. But what is your inner demon? What are you afraid of?"

"Of losing her. I'm afraid she's going to die. I-it's all my fault."

"Guilt." Johanna speaks, looking around the room. "Guilt is one of the biggest demons you can deal with. We all feel like we could do better, should've done better and knowing that we didn't or we feel like we didn't can destroy a person."

I cast my eyes down to the floor.

"Thank you for sharing Albert. That was very brave."

Everyone in the room hums in recognition. I don't dare look up from the ground. It's where I should be buried – ten feet underground.

I don't watch the people or listen to their stories. But when Johanna calls out the name 'Four' my ears perk up.

"Pass." His deep voice rumbles.

I can't say that I'm not disappointed with his answer but I saw it coming. Johanna calls on a few more people before she says my name.

I look up to see everyone watching me, except Four. I shake my head. "Pass."

Johanna nods her head. "Alright everyone. This concludes our meeting. I want you to go home and identify your inner demon, find out the cause of it. Analyze the situation carefully. Try to figure out a way to face it, this time guarded. You all have a good day."

I get up from my chair as everyone else does. I pick up my jacket that I took off during the meeting and slip it on.

"Tris," A gentle voice says behind me. Johanna.

"Yeah?" I ask.

"Listen, I give private classes as well. Like a one on one meeting."

"You mean like therapy?" I shoot.

She sighs lightly. "Yes. I'm sure that if you talk about it, it'll help. Here's my card." She hands me it. "Call if you want a session."

In the corner of my eye I see Four walk out of the room. I have to go. "Thanks." I take the card from Johanna's hand.

Before she can say anything else I dash out the door. There are still some people here so I have to crane my neck to try and find Four. That's when I spot him walking out of the front door downstairs. I run down the stairwell and out the door. When outside my breathing is kind of heavy but I'm more focused on trying to find Four. Then I spot him rounding a corner.

 _Why does he have to walk so fast!_

I sigh before running after him, dodging people on the way. When I feel like he's in earshot I yell his name, "Four! Four could you wait!"

He stops walking and moves over to the side, away from the crowd. "Yes Pigeon?" He asks once I'm by his side.

I put my finger up and lean my weight on my knees as I try to calm my breathing. "Why do you call me Pigeon?" I stand up and ask, though I'm still out of breath.

"Because your annoying and keep popping up everywhere. Like a Pigeon." He answers nonchalantly.

I glare at him but he just stares at me. "I'm so glad to know that's what you think of me. And I don't like people giving me cognomens."

"You asked."

"Okay, okay. I actually want to talk to you. For more than two minutes."

"Why?"

"I need your help."

* * *

"Can you now tell me why you needed to talk to me." Four groans.

I say a silent 'thank you' as the man hands me my ice cream cone. Plain vanilla with rainbow sprinkles.

After adult-napping Four, we walked into a nearby park silently. But the weird thing is, it wasn't awkward. Instead it was kind of calming.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I ask before licking my ice cream.

"I don't cheat, sleep with women who are in relationships or married if that's what you're inquiring, since you've obviously been stalking me." He replies and stops walking to look at me. "I know that's not the real question you wanted to ask me."

I hum and lick my ice cream again while staring into his eyes. "I want you to teach me self-defense."

"Are we back at this again?"

"Yes we are."

"Why do you want to learn self-defense so badly?"

I shrug. "It's cool."

He scoffs and shakes his head.

"Is that a yes?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? It's a yes or a no answer."

"No."

"No?" I echo.

"No." He confirms. "Not unless you tell me why you wanted to talk." He steps closer to me and I inhale sharply.

"I… already told you." I reply breathlessly as if I've just finished running a marathon.

"You're a horrible liar." He smiles.

I hum quietly and lower my head.

I actually can't remember the real reason why I adult-napped him, not with him standing this close the me. _Why do I feel like this?_

"I just… I just…" I trail off and try to form words.

"Is it something hard?"

"I don't actually know."

"So… I'm here for nothing then?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes?" I say, though it comes out as a question. "Okay but… can we hang out?"

"Hang out?"

"Why are you answering my question with a question?"

"Why are _you_ answering my question with a question?"

"I'm not answering your question with a question." I shake my head while rolling my eyes. "Yes I mean hang out. Nothing about having sex, if that's what you're thinking Horn Dog."

"What?" He chuckles. I can't help but smile on the inside of seeing him smile. It's a work of art to be honest. "Why'd you call me a Horn Dog?"

"You named me after a bird… I think I have a right to call you a Horn Dog."

* * *

"So how long have you lived in Chicago?" I ask as Four and I wonder the dark streets of Chicago.

"All my life." He answers. "What about you?"

"I was actually born in Virginia but I moved here when I was six. Um, what about your parents?"

This question must have rubbed him the wrong way because his face turns stone cold and he remains silent.

"Okay we don't have to talk about that." I sigh. We walk in silence for a while. It's soothing almost.

"Tris," He says and stops my walking by gently touching my arm. I swear I can feel sparks from where he touched me.

 _Why am I acting like such a hormonal teen?_

"Yeah?" I squeak.

He looks at me and smiles. "I'm sorry to cut this short but I have to get to work in the morning."

"Oh." I look down at the pavement. "Okay. Thanks for… hanging out with me. I'm back over this way." I point to my right.

"Let me at least walk you home."

"No, no. It's fine." I take a step back.

"Don't be stupid Tris. It's late at night and you don't live in the best area."

"Okay now that's discriminating my place of living." I joke and he smirks. "But seriously Horn Dog, I'll be fine."

"I'm walking you home." He says and starts to walk in my general direction.

"Four," I groan and follow him. "Seriously I'm fine."

The whole walk to my apartment has me telling Four to go back home in some different way each time. But he just keeps walking in response. I finally give up when we round the block that I live on. He walks me up to my building in silence.

"Thank you for this," I turn around to speak to him. "I needed someone to hang out with. My life is so hectic at times. I don't do this often, but it was nice."

He smiles and nods his head. "Same here."

I bite my lip for some unknown reason. "I-I should probably get… inside. To my apartment."

"Yeah, I'm not going to stand out here all night."

I roll my eyes and breathe out a chuckle. "I'll see you around Horn Dog."

"See you around Pigeon."

I stop for a brief moment before walking inside the building. My whole walk up to my apartment I'm grinning like a maniac for some unknown reason. Even when I have trouble opening my door to go inside, I'm not cursing at it. I rip off my jacket and place it on my desk.

"I think you need to replace this whipped cream."

I scream and turn around to see Uriah standing there with a can of whipped cream in his hands, him staring at the can.

I place my hand over my rapid beating heart. "God Uri. It's just you."

"Who else did you expect it to be?" He asks before squirting some whipped cream into his mouth.

"No one. And how did you get into my apartment?"

"Chmon," He says and some cream falls out of his mouth and onto the floor. He swallows before speaking again. "I'll clean that up."

"You're a pig." I walk past him and into the kitchen.

"Yes I am and it's not like you have the highest security in this building. You should really consider moving."

"Not moving," I grumble while busying myself in the fridge. Seeing some left over Chinese food I grab it and take it out.

"Who were you with?"

"No one." I respond and place my food in the microwave.

"You're lying. God, _you are lying_!" Uriah pronounces the words slowly and loudly. "I came here to see if you went to the support group but you weren't here. I know you couldn't have been out that long by yourself."

"Okay fine I wasn't out by myself. I was out with Four." Once the microwave starts to beep I take my food out and grab a fork before walking out of the kitchen.

Uriah gasps and follows me. "Four as in Four the self-defense coach, an old childhood friend and the one who you're secretly in love with?"

"Yes and I'm not in love with him."

"Yeah sure." He rolls his eyes.

I do the same and sit down on my desk chair but I'm uncomfortable. I reach into the back of my pants and pull out my flask. I sigh before putting it on the table.

"What'd you guys talk about?"

"Stuff." I shrug.

"Stuff…" He draws out.

"What we like to do for fun, like to eat, where we've traveled. Things like that."

"Uh huh," He pauses for a brief moment. "And did you ask him about his knowledge of this city to help you in your investigation?"

That's what I wanted to ask him! I guess I got so caught up with… him, that I forgot.

"No I didn't."

He smiles. "I'm gonna clean up my whipped cream."

"Thank you." I mutter to myself and go back to eating.

Uriah keeps talking about how he's met this girl that he really likes and how he thinks she's the one. I hum in the right places but I'm not surprised that he found himself a girl. Uriah's a good-looking guy, not my taste because he's like my brother, but for other girls looking he's definitely a charmer. Sometime during the conversation I zone out and just stare at my flask on the table. Then I realize something – I didn't touch my flask once when I was with Four. If I was with anyone else, I would've absolutely had no shame in taking it out. But I wonder why I didn't with Four.

* * *

 **Please tell me what you think of the chapter; I didn't like it too much. I felt like it needed something else but you guys need an update. Thanks for the favs/follows too! :)**

 **See you in the next update.**

 **~ Mal**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

People file in and out of the police station. The revolving doors spin around like a broken record. I step inside and keep walking until I'm standing inside the building. It's more of a modern police station but yet it still has that home feeling, my guess to make people feel more comfortable, even the criminals. I approach the front desk and tap on the bell that sits on top since no one is present.

Soon I hear heels clacking against the smooth floor and a woman is doing her best to scurry across the room with some papers and a binder in her hands. "I'm sorry. It's a busy day." She breathes as she lays the items in her hands on the desk.

"It's fine."

"What can I help you with today?" She asks politely.

"I need to see the chief of the police station."

She grimaces. "Just give me a sec. He's very busy today." She picks up the desk phone and presses a few buttons before she puts the phone to her ear. She hums and says 'alright' from time to time before she puts the phone back down. "I'm very sorry but he's full with cases right now, he won't be able to see you today. I can schedule an appointment for you."

I rub my brow with my index finger. "Alright. When is he available?"

"Tomorrow around two in the afternoon. Will that work?"

"Yeah, thanks."

She smiles and turns her attention to someone else who was waiting in line. I step aside and am about to leave when something catches my eye. One of the files she placed on the desk is sliding out but that's not what intrigues me. A picture of Kimberly is there as well. I look around to make sure no one can see me before I discreetly pick up the file. I walk out of the police station nonchalantly with the file in my jacket. I know no one saw me at the police station but I can't shake the eerie feeling of eyes following me.

* * *

The files I grabbed from the police station lay out on my living room floor as well as some of what I've gathered including a sketch of the tatted mystery man, the newspaper article and some notes. I flip through the pictures and lay them out one by one. There's one that shows all of the girls that have gone missing and they all match up with the ones in the article so I line those two up together. I go through all of the different girl's files. Each one of them are different but connected at the same time. Although they don't go to the same school, they attend different ones and live in the same area.

 **Kimberly Gonzalez**

 **DOB: January 6, 1999**

 **Height: 5'1**

 **Residence: Unknown**

How can a girl go missing and they don't know where she lives?

Each of these girls weren't even eighteen, each rounding from fifteen to seventeen. Each were all honor roll students, seemed to have come from good families – minus Kimberly. There's something I'm not seeing and it's right in front of my face.

I get up from my place on the floor and pick up the whiskey bottle that lays on the table. I drown myself in liquor. I let it suffocate me, the taste and smell. It flows through my body and I feel the stress of my life evaporate into thin air. My mind fizzes and I shake it a few times to clear it. I sit back down on the floor, still drinking from the bottle like it's a sippy cup.

I keep going through the files and scan my eyes through every word. One of the files is labeled as 'Suspects' so I open it – to find disappointment. Not many. A couple of people I don't recognize and a man named Patrick Davidson.

 _Where have I heard that name before?_ Then it hit's me.

 _Kathy has always been one of my favorite students." He smiled but it faded. "It's just so tragic for what has happened to her." He whispered the last part._

 _"_ _Was Kathy acting strange or weird these past few days?"_

 _"_ _No. I would've noticed."_

Kathy's teacher. But why would they have him as a suspect? Wheels spin in my mind as I try to think. He talked about Kathy with such pride but at the same time he was so crushed that she had disappeared. I knew I had a funny feeling about him but now I definitely know there's something not right with this picture. And what did he mean by 'he noticed?' He must've been having to watch Kathy for him to say that.

 _Maybe I should have another chat with him._

* * *

School's already out by the time I arrive, just a few lingering kids. Without even realizing it, I've made my way to Patrick's classroom. I knock on the door but there's no answer. The lights inside are off meaning he's most likely not in here. I'm about to leave when I realize that this is the perfect opportunity to do some actual private investigating.

The door's open so I walk in and just as I suspect he's not in here. I nosy myself around the room until finally settling in his desk chair. The screen is black but there's a green glow emanating from the green power button. I sporadically click on the screen until it comes to life. It opens up to some teacher file, leaving no interest in me. Instead I click on his pictures. There's many screenshots but nothing appealing. Deciding that's a dead end I open up his desk drawers and look through them. My hand touches a thick yellow envelope near the back. When I pick it up some things fall out and onto the floor. I stop in my position of a squat and stare disbelievingly at the pictures that lie out in front of me.

 _No, this can't be it. Not this._

Voices near and I quickly grab the photos and slide them back into the envelope then place it back in the desk drawer. I gently close it and put the chair back in place, by now the screen of the computer is black again. The voices get closer so I scurry to the door and hide behind it just as it's being opened. Patrick walks in, not noticing me behind him. He sighs and rubs his forehead so I take the opportunity to jet out of the classroom.

I don't stop running until I'm outside the school gates.

 _No, that can't be it._

* * *

 **Sorry for the short chapter but this one is very important. I hope you enjoyed it!**

 **See you in the next update!**

 **~ Mal**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Sometimes I feel like I'm not even living, just existing. Sometimes I feel like I don't even deserve that. My life has no real purpose, not to me anyway. Yeah, I may solve crimes for a living but that feeling of actually accomplishing something only lasts so long.

My feet pad along the side walk, my mind still not comprehending what I just saw. I pull out my flask and put it to my mouth. To most people they view me as disgusting, and I don't blame them. I don't know exactly where I'm going until I find myself standing in front of the gym. _The_ gym.

I walk through the doors and approach the desk. The same girl that was here last time, Nita I believe her name was, is sitting there filing her nails.

"I'm looking for Four." I say as I lean on the desk.

She looks up from her nails and scowls at me. "What for?"

"I believe that's none of your business." I grumble before drinking from my flask.

She snickers and crosses her arms. "You're a drunk."

"And you're a smart slut. Now where's Four?"

"You know he may hit and run but he will never look your way."

I glare at her. I know I'm drunk because I crawl against the counter until I'm standing behind the desk, Nita staring disbelievingly at me. She attempts to cease my actions when I grab the desk phone but fails.

I press the page button and my voice radiates through the gym. "Four, Four. Houston paging Four. It's Tris, I need to see you. Please." My voice is almost pleading. Almost.

I hang up the phone and turn to a glaring Nita. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Oh don't you know?" I ask before taking a swing of the liquor. "I'm a drunk."

I retreat back to my place in front of the desk and wait. I don't know what makes me think he'll even come but relief rushes through me when I see his haunting blue eyes coming my way.

When Nita sees him she quickly stands up. "Four I am so sorry. I-I tried to stop her. I know you don't like to be bothered like this."

"It's fine." He replies without even looking at her. He crosses his arms when he stops in front of me. "What's up?"

"A-are you free?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I just." I close my eyes and sigh. "Remember how I told you that my life's a hectic mess and how hanging out with you helped?"

"Yeah."

"I need that right now." He looks me up and down. "Not like _that, that_ but as a friend. N-not that we're friends per se – "I try to rephrase my sentence.

He smiles. "Tris, I think that if you're coming to me for help means that we're friends."

I breathe out not realizing I was holding my breath. "Thanks."

"No problem. Where do you want to go?"

"Somewhere far, just… away from civilization. Does that make sense?"

He nods his head thoughtfully. "Yeah it does. Just let me shower and change first, alright?"

"Of course."

He walks away towards the back of the gym. I feel eyes burning through my head and turn to see Nita glaring at me. I wiggle my flask at her before turning around.

* * *

I keep sneaking glances at Four as he keeps his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him. I sigh and grab the candy bag that sits between us. After we left the gym he said he had to make an 'important stop'. That 'important stop' being a candy store to which I just laughed. He practically stuffed the bag with different candies, ranging from sweet to sour. And he called me unhealthy.

"Where are we going?" I ask, still looking through the bag.

"It's a surprise." He smiles, steels a glance at me and turns his attention back to the road.

I can't stop the weird feeling in my stomach when I see him smile at me. "Four are you adult-napping me?"

He smirks. "Maybe."

I smile at him. "Thanks again for helping me."

"No problem. Anytime you need anything, you can always come to me." I can't help the heat rushing to my face at his comment. "That's what friends are for, right?" He adds and looks at me.

 _Friend zoned. Of course._

"Right." I nod and stare at the passing scenery through my window.

I don't how long we've been driving but I know it's getting late because the sun is starting to set. The buildings and small businesses have turned into trees and more trees. We seem to be in the middle of nowhere. Four turns onto a narrow, dirt winding road. Trees engulf us but he keeps driving.

"Are you kidding me? They'll never be able to find my body out here."

He chuckles. "Trust me, you'll like it."

"We'll see."

He drives for a couple more miles before he pulls to a stop. He gets out and I follow his lead, though I have a bit more trouble getting out of his truck since I'm so short. I land on the ground, finally, and grab the candy bag from the truck before I close the door.

Four stands there watching me, amusement played out on his face. "Come on Pigeon."

"I know you're laughing on the inside!" I shout after him as he walks away.

We walk together through the winding trees, mother nature surrounding us. It's so peaceful out here that it feels like if we talk, this whole thing will shatter as if it was a fragile piece of glass in a toddler's hands. The weather is brisk up here, are breathing clearly identified. The wind sways the trees and ruffles my hair. Looking around I stop and take it all in. Gorgeous.

"We're close." Four says, calling me back.

I turn back to him. He stands on a little hill making him stand tall. I bite my lip as I approach it.

"Here, take my hand." He holds it out in front of me.

I look up at him, unsure if I should. After a few seconds I place my hand in his. His touch is soft even though his hands are calloused. It sends shocks through my bones, but the best kind. He pulls me up as if I weigh nothing. We stand a few inches from each other staring into each other's eyes. I search his and he searches mine.

He clears his throat and turns around to keep walking. I sigh quietly and follow him. He stops in front of some trees and looks at me before walking through. I chuckle breathlessly as I stare out in front of me. We stand atop a hill that overlooks the city. It looks so small but the lights are clearly seen.

"It's beautiful." I stare at him to find his eyes already on me. "How'd you find it?"

"I had a bad day once so I just walked. I walked out of the city, away from people. I came here and stumbled upon this."

I cross my arms. "You seem like you have a lot of those."

He turns to me. "You can say that."

Again, I probe his eyes. They're like a shield, concealing emotions or feeling, like he doesn't want anyone to know his secrets. I cast my eyes away getting the feeling he wasn't the one who was going to do it.

I speak up, "Why do you go to the support group?"

"Violence."

"Well duh, I know that. I'm asking why you think that you need to go."

He sighs before answering, "I have no choice."

"No choice?"

"Can we just drop the conversation."

"Yeah." I bounce on my heels a bit. I look around and find a smooth boulder so I sit on it. I rummage through the candy bag. "Want some?" I pull out a king-size bag of M&M's.

"That's mine." He says seriously.

"Sharing is caring Horn Dog." I mutter in response as I open the bag.

* * *

I laugh as I stare up at the night sky. It's dark but spotted with stars. My drunken state has caught up to me even though I tried my hardest to suppress it.

I turn my head to Four, "Okay," I giggle. "Question. If you were on death roll and had to eat one last meal… what would it be?"

"What would yours be?" He smiles at me.

I tap my finger on my chin. "If I had to have one last meal it would be," I pause for a moment. "The biggest, fluffiest banana pancake ever known to mankind."

"A banana pancake? Really?" He quirks an eyebrow.

"Yes really. What would yours be?"

"A hard shell taco with all my favorite toppings."

"A hard shell taco, seriously? That'd be your last meal!"

He chuckles. "You're the one that said you'd eat a banana pancake.

I roll my eyes. "Not just any banana pancake."

"Yeah I know." He starts to gather the candy wrappers that surround us. "The biggest, fluffiest banana pancake ever known to mankind." We say in unison.

I smile at him.

"Alright I think we should get you home." He stands up from the rock.

"No," I whine. "I wanna stay."

"Come on Pigeon."

"You have to catch me first!" I dart off the rock and into the trees.

I run and don't stop, not even when I hear Four yelling my name. I jump over logs, dodge trees, and launch myself off of boulders. I've forgotten how this felt like – being free. Having no responsibility. But there's still this nagging voice in the back of my mind saying that this is all a dream and that soon it'll be over. I'm called out of my thoughts when I strong arm wraps around my stomach, lifting me off the ground. I shriek at the sudden jolt of movement.

"You're coming with me." Four grunts and shifts me so that I'm lying over his shoulder.

"Put me down!" I yell in between laughs. "Horn Dog I order you to put me down now!"

"I order you to stop moving Pigeon." He wraps his arms around my legs to keep them from moving.

After a while I finally give up and instead start to point out the different flowers, trees and plants that we pass. I give each of them a 'scientific name' though I know I am nowhere close. "And that is a… Purple Diggy Poodle flower!" I point to a yellow flower.

"Fascinating."

"You know you're a really nice guy."

"Thank you."

"No I'm serious. You act all tough and intimidating when people first meet you but I know deep down that you're just a big pile of fluff."

"You know?" He stops moving. I know we're at his truck because he opens the door before he seats me in the passenger seat.

I bite my lip. "Yeah I know. You want to protect yourself from being hurt so you put a barrier around yourself. I think that's why you also have your one night stands."

He stares at me for a long moment before he shuts the door. After getting in the truck, he starts up the engine. We drive down the same dirt winding road but this time it seems like a shorter drive since I now know where our previous destination is. Sometime during the ride I fall asleep, my head resting on the window.

"Tris, you're home." A voice calls out gently.

"Leave me alone." I grumble, the signs of a hangover evident in my voice already.

The driver door opens and closes and I'm thankful for the silence thought it's cut short when Four opens my door. I groan and turn my head away from him. He sighs and easily lifts me out of the truck. He shuts the door before situating me so that I'm in his arms bridal style. Being in his arms, in his touch is comforting and makes me feel safe. It's as if it's a safe haven, him protecting from the world and my inner demons. He carries me up to my apartment, his footsteps trudging the empty halls.

"Tris where are your keys?"

"Back pocket." I mutter, still not fully awake. He gently lays me on my feet causing me to lean against the doorframe. My eyes are closed but the shoot open when I feel my hand on my rear end. "Woah, whoa, whoa. Get your hands off of me Horn Dog. I thought you didn't want to rape me!" I exclaim, my voice raspy as I step back.

"Fine. Get your keys and open your own door."

"I will." I grumble. I fish out my keys from my pocket but find it rather difficult to put them inside the slot.

"Do you need help?"

"N… yes." I sigh.

He smirks and I step aside as he opens the door. He hands me my keys and I stumble inside. I rip off my jacket letting it fall to the floor. "You wanna drink?"

"No I need to get going."

I sharply turn around to face him but in the process I lose my balance. Four rushes over to and catches me before I can hit the ground. He assists me to my room. I fall onto my bed, face first.

"Can you take off my boots?" I ask, my voice muffled by my pillow.

He complies without word and soon I feel the cold air over my socked feet.

"Goodnight Pigeon."

"Wait Four," I call out. He turns to me, his smile bringing light to my dark room. I jump up from my bed and hug him. He's caught by surprise because it takes him awhile to wrap his arms around me. Yet again I lose my balance and we both falter onto the bed. I laugh as he groans to support himself on his arms so as not to crush me. He laughs quietly and untangles himself from my grasp.

"I'm leaving now." He says and walks out the room.

"Four!"

"Walking out the door!" He yells before I hear the front door close.

I smile and fix myself to fall asleep. Well I attempt to fall asleep but I can't seem to get a certain pair of blue eyes out of my mind.

* * *

 **Let me know what you think of the chapter. ;)**

 **See you guys in the next update.**

 **~ Mal**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

I wake up early the next morning to my surprise. That's not what startles me, but the fact that I didn't jolt out of bed with any nightmares; instead I actually slept through the night. It felt good, different. Minus the aching in my head but I clear that up with a couple of Aspirins.

After changing into a pair of sweats, I sit at my desk roving about on my laptop. I know I shouldn't… but I really want to. Before I can stop myself I'm googling **Four – Person.** A whole bunch of other things pop up that serve as distractions. I keep scrolling until something catches my eye. It's a link to the county jail records with the name 'Four'. I click on it and wait for the screen to load. A lump settles in my throat when I see Four's picture appears on the screen. His eyes stare intently at the screen. Dark and guarded, no sign of emotion. I quickly open my drawer and pull out the whiskey bottle. I pop the cap off before drinking from it.

 _"_ _I have no choice."_

His words ring in my mind. I scroll down on the screen and view his charges.

Assault.

Violence.

 _"_ _Four, violence."_

He has no choice. What does that mean exactly? I need to talk to him.

* * *

I wait by the back door to the gym, hugging myself to keep warm. I'm thankful when I see Four's truck pull up. He gets out and walks toward me with a confused face.

"What are you – "

"When I asked you last night of why you had to go to the support group you said to drop the conversation."

He snickers and looks away. "Are you still on this?"

"Yes Four. You said we were friends and I think you should tell your friend that you went to jail for assault!"

Slowly he turns his head to me. His eyes burn with anger. "What did you say?"

I step back slightly. It's only now that I remember that this man actually scared me the first time we met. Still, I hold my ground. "Y-you wean to jail for assault."

"What right did you have to do that!" He bellows. I flinch at his outburst. "You think that you can just dig into my life like that! I am not one of your cases for you to do that! You don't even know me Tris!" He backs me up into the brick wall. I hold my breath as he berates me. "Who the hell do you think you are to do that!"

I press my palms against his chest before shoving him back. "This coming from the man that I looked to for help! You said we were friends, we talked and laughed together and then you yell at me that I don't even know you! What if I want to get to know you better? To help you the way you help me! I know you judge me! I know you do just because I'm a drunk! I have my reasons for it! But you help me without even knowing it Four! I thought I could confine in you as a friend and that eventually… y-you'd do the same." My voice cracks at the end of my rant.

"You don't want to know me Tris." He quietly speaks.

"You don't know that."

He shakes his head and walks into the building leaving me standing in the cold.

* * *

The police station swarms with different people. Phones are ringing from left to right. I sit on one of the chairs near the front waiting for my appointment with the chief.

"Tris Prior!" A voice booms throughout the walls. A man comes walking out, his eyes glued to a file.

"That's me." I stand up and walk towards him.

He lifts his eyes up to meet mine for a brief second before they return to the file in his hands. "Jessica," He says to the receptionist. She looks up from typing. "Get this over to booking."

"Yes sir."

He turns to me. "I'm Amar, what'd you want, I'm swamped in work so you need to make this quick."

"Maybe if you'd stop talking it would be." I retort. He raises an eyebrow. "I wanted to talk about the case with the missing teenage girls."

"And what jurisdiction do you have to come in here and ask me that?"

I pull out my wallet and show him my ID. "I'm a private investigator and I'm looking into the case of Kathy Smith, one of the missing girls."

"Come with me." He leads me into his office towards the back of the station. "What do you want to know? I'd assume as a private investigator you'd have this figured out by now."

"All of these girls went missing around the same time, all around the same age, all lived around the same neighborhoods, all went to nearby high schools. Kathy befriended Kimberly before she went missing, two days later Kathy went missing. Both were last seen by the docks, sometimes accompanied by a man covered in piercings and tattoos. Nobody has seen what the purpose of that was but it definitely isn't right. Now I need to know everything you have on Kimberly."

Amar's thoughtful for a moment. "Just because you have your own investigation going on doesn't mean you get to come in here and demand answers. This case doesn't involve you. We have some of our finest detectives working on it so I'm sure you can find your way out."

"Your hiding something." He scoffs and walks around his desk. "The police are hiding something. Something big, something that could solve this case and you're not letting me in on it. I could be an asset. I know things you don't know and you know things I don't know."

"And what are those things Ms. Prior?"

"Let me help you and I'll let you in."

"Whose holding back information now?"

"Well you can't play a game all by yourself, now can you?"

He stares at me, his eyes challenging. "If you'll excuse me Ms. Prior, I have a case to solve. Leave my room."

I snicker. "I know things you don't know." I remind him before walking out.

* * *

"The police are doing nothing about it Uri! They're just sitting around stuffing donuts in their mouths."

"Just like you sit around and drink?"

I glare at him.

I had called Uriah and we'd met up at our favorite park to do my daily ranting. About the case and about Four. Of course he teased me about Four before telling me that the man likes to keep things private, that he's always been that way. Though his tone of voice changed from humor to seriousness in an instant when I told him about what I found out with the investigation.

"I just feel like I don't have all the resources." I groan in frustration.

"Tris look at me." He stops walking and I do the same. "You're not going to like this but… you have to talk to her."

"No. No!"

"Tris listen to me!" He roars and I quiet down. "She can help. She has the resources. You don't need to make this a friendly chat, focus on your job and getting the right help for those girls. You have no other choice."

I don't want to believe it. It can't be true. But deep down I know that Uriah is right. I have to go for help.

* * *

My feet lag up the steps to the courthouse while others rush past me. Every thought swarming in my head is telling me to turn back and forget about the crazy idea. At this point, I'm not ready to face my past. I stop in sudden movement, though, when I hear her voice. It's been a long time since I've heard it, though it hasn't changed.

She chuckles. "Alright, I'll see you later."

I look up to see her waving to someone else as they walk off. She wears a beige jacket and skirt with a white shirt underneath. Her heels click and clack as she walks down the stairs while concordantly checking her phone.

 _Do I really want to do this?_

Before I can stop myself I call out her name, "Christina." She looks up from her phone, her eyes flooded with disbelief. Her breathing becomes ragged as if she's having a hard time believing I'm here. "I need your help."

* * *

 **Are the puzzle pieces falling into place now?**

 **Thanks you for all the wonderful reviews on the previous chapter as well as all of you who followed/faved my story. :D There seems to be a bit of angst and drama in this chapter between Tris and Four. :0 Let me know what you think of the chapter.**

 **See you all in the next update!**

 **~Mal**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for all of the favs/follows. I greatly appreciate it. I keep forgetting to mention that in chapter nine of this book when Tris found the pictures, the reason for them will be revealed later on in the story. Also, for this chapter the words that have been _italicized_ serve as a flashback; so keep that in mind. **

* * *

**Chapter 12**

Christina stands, her face painted with repudiation. If I were her, I would most likely show the same emotion – if she wants to show anything to me after all these years.

"Tris?" She breathes out.

"Yeah. It's me."

Her fingertips glide along the railing as she descends the stairs. She takes each step slowly as if she's still having a hard time believing I'm here.

"Christina I – "

Before I can get out another word, I'm crushed into a hug. I stand there awkwardly. I neither embrace her nor speak.

She let's go of me. "Oh my God. W-what happened to you? Why haven't I seen you?"

"I'm not here for reunions, Christina."

She frowns. "Oh?"

"I'm here for business reasons. Strictly business."

"Well… why do you need my help for?"

"I need help with the case of the missing teenage girls." She hums and crosses her arms. "I've tried going to the police and they haven't listened. I need a new avenue to search to try and solve this."

"Did you want for me to help you get in contact with someone?"

"Christina you're a lawyer. You work in the largest law firm in Chicago. You don't have to call anyone. I know you have the information I need."

"Okay." She nods her head repeatedly. "You want to talk about this over lunch?"

The waitress takes our menus after writing down our orders. Christina ordered a salad, and I just ordered fries. The restaurant we walked to is one of those fancy ones, where only the rich people go to. I swear if these fries aren't the best I've eaten in my entire lifetime, I'm going to pissed for the amount I'm paying for it.

"Okay so… what evidence have you gathered in this case?"

I pull out the file that I keep stashed inside my jacket. I slide it over to her. "These are the files on the missing girls. Everything that I know is in there."

She looks at me hesitantly before flipping it open. "Where did you get this?"

"You don't have to worry about that."

She looks up from the file. "Did you get this from the police?" I turn away. "Tris!" She hisses. "You can't do this."

"I'm not hurting anyone."

"This is illegal!" She quietly whispers as some people walk by. "I-I can't except to help you if this is how low you're going to get." She starts to give me back the folder.

I slam my hand over the top to stop her from sliding it any further. "Listen Christina. These girls are missing, having parents and family members worried sick." She opens her mouth to speak but I beat her to it. "Put yourself in their position. How would you feel if someone you loved was out there and you didn't know where they were or what was happening to them, huh? Think about…" I gulp. "Think about him. If the police weren't doing a damn thing about it, wouldn't you do everything in your power to have him back in your arms?" Her eyes are glassy. I stand up from the table. "Look over the file."

I walk away just as the waitress approaches with our food in her hands. I pull out a crumpled twenty-dollar bill from my back pocket. "Here's the money." I stuff it in her pocket and take the plate of fries from her hands.

I start to munch on them as I walk down the street.

 _Damn, these are good._

* * *

Sometime during the night I jerk awake, my body dripping with sweat. That wasn't a dream. That was real.

 _The two buff men practically dragged me into the warehouse. As much as I tried to fight back, they didn't even budge. There were two chairs that sat at a distance, facing each other. I groaned as the men slammed me down onto one of them. Before I had a chance to move, a gun was pointed at my temple while the other man tied my hands and feet to the chair. When he was down, the gun was lowered. I squirmed but it was no use._

 _"_ _Tris Prior." A voice spoke though no one was there._

 _I started to look around when a man came into view. "What do you want?"_

 _"_ _You have something I want."_

 _Of course, I knew what I had was of great value to him, something that could save his life and reputation. But I wasn't going to give in. "And what would that be?"_

 _"_ _Don't play dumb. I know you know. Give it to me and I'll let you go."_

 _I chuckled. "Aw Max. Are you scared? I thought Dauntless men weren't afraid of anything. It'll be a shame if your little glee club were to find out what a coward their leader is."_

 _"_ _Is that how you want to play it?"_

 _"_ _Play what?" I asked dumbly._

 _"_ _Okay," he simply said. "Bring him out."_

 _I sighed in irritation as I waited for what was about to unfold. My eyes grew wide when Will staggered out, a cloth tied around his mouth and rope around his wrists. He looked awful, his face covered in bruises. He was in so much pain, I could tell. Two men followed him closely by his side, ready to pounce on him if he made a move. Which he did when he saw me but his movements were cut short when they shoved him onto the other chair._

 _"_ _I'm tired of playing games Tris," Max called out and looked at me. "Give it to me and I'll let him live."_

 _I gulped but hid my anxiousness. "Don't you think it'll be easier if you killed me? Then you'd get everything you want."_

 _"_ _I'll have everything I want and you'll still live. But your soul will not."_

 _I hummed. "Sounds like a prophecy. Is this a Bible study?"_

 _"_ _Last chance Tris."_

 _"_ _You're bluffing."_

 _"_ _I don't bluff." He said before pulling out his gun. He walked over to Will and shoved it against his temple. Will's eyes grew wide with fear. "Give it to me."_

 _I looked between him and Will repeatedly. "Go ahead. Do it. I don't care about him."_

 _He clicked the gun into place and my heart started to beat faster. "You sure?"_

 _I was such an idiot to believe that he wouldn't do it. I was such an idiot to tell him to go ahead and do it. I should've known he wasn't bluffing. They're Dauntless. I should've just giving him what he wanted; I had them framed anyway but I was too late. A high-pitched scream escaped my lips as the sound of a gunshot went off. It's as if it happened in slow motion. Will's eyes widened, the light fading from them like the clouds completely covering the sun. Blood splattered onto the concrete ground, painting it red. The sound of a creaking chair formed as Will hit the ground. What happened next went by in a blur. There were police sirens, people shouting, Dauntless shooting. I just sat there, staring in disbelief. Sometime during the escapade, my chair hit the ground; my body slammed against the ground. The chair broke under my weight. Since my body allowed more movement, I untied my hands and then my feet as quickly as I could. There was nothing else going on, nothing else I heard or took into view as my feet ran to Will. His body slumped, color beginning to fade. I covered my mouth as a strangled gasp came out. Tears brimmed my eyes._

 _"_ _Will," I whispered and knelt down by his side. My stomach turned as I saw the blood pouring out of the side of his head. Slowly I turned him over on his back. His eyes were still open. Of course, I knew he was dead, but to me, his eyes still danced with life. My friend. My best friend's boyfriend. I killed him. I killed him. "Will," I choke out between the tears clogging my throat. "Will. Will. Will, please! Don't go, don't go. Will!" I screamed. I bellowed. I wanted the man to come back. I wanted my friend to come back._

 _The police dragged me away from Will, much to my dismay. But when they covered his body all hell broke loose. I screamed and kicked. I tore whatever flesh was holding me back. Anything that would relieve the pain I felt. The guilt._

 _It's all my fault._

 _It's all my fault._

 _I killed Will._

 _Will is dead._

 _And it's because of me._


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

The sunlight doesn't make it into my room. The curtains are drawn in, blocking any sort of contact with the outside world. My body lies in bed, limp. Bottles of liquor line up on my nightstand and on the floor. My hair smells and I reek of alcohol. I haven't moved from my bed in two days, only if you count my arm moving to pick up a half-empty bottle of whiskey. Uriah has been begging and pleading with me to get up but every word he says goes in one ear and out the other. He finally left some time ago, saying he had to find someone to talk to.

I bask in the silence. It feels as if the world is at my disposal, asking me if I want an early retirement. But I wouldn't do it. That's a coward's way out.

Voices sound through my apartment after the door opens and closes. One belongs to Uriah and the other sounds distinctly familiar. The voices come closer and soon Uriah and Four stand in the doorway.

"She's been like this for two days now." Uriah says softly.

"Go on ahead Uriah. I've got it from here." He replies.

Uriah sighs but leaves the room.

I don't acknowledge Four until he's standing in front of me. He gently sits next to me. He smells like metal and something along the lines of being male. I keep my eyes focused on the curtains until he calls out my name; that's when they flick towards him.

My breathing becomes sharp as I stare into his eyes. I sigh before speaking softly, "Do you ever see ghosts?"

Without thought, he answers, "Yeah. All the time."

"What do you do when they come?"

"I fight them off with all my might."

"And what if you have no fight left?"

"I keep fighting."

I release a shaky breath, tears threatening to spill out. "I want to fight. But I can't. I can't do it Four."

"Then I don't know what I'm doing here." He speaks sternly. I expect his eyes to be full of pity but they remain like stone. "Tris, you told me that you being with me helped you. Let me ask you something – were you fighting then?"

"I don't know."

"Were you fighting then?"

"I don't know!" My voice raises but it's still broken. "I-I didn't even think. Drinking didn't cross my mind."

"You have to learn to fight for yourself Tris. No one can do it for you."

Slowly I drag my hand out from under my head and open my nightstand drawer. My hand encloses around the bag and I shut the drawer. The corner of Four's mouth turns up when he sees the king-size bag of M&M's I hold out in front of him.

"I got them at the store when I bought all the booze." My voice is soft. "Didn't know when I'd see you."

"Well, I'm here now."

"Thank you." Some tears fall onto my cheeks. Four reaches out his hand and brushes them away. His thumb skims my cheekbone as he looks at me. His hand moves from my cheek to my forehead to brush some of the hair that's fallen there. His actions soothe me and I feel all my worries, anxieties and stress leave my body.

"You need to get out of bed."

"I don't want to."

"It'll make you feel better Tris."

"Fine." I grumble.

Four helps me into a sitting position. My head pounds in displeasure. I groan and hold it as I swing my legs over the bed.

"Go take a shower. It'll make you feel better."

I stand up. "Yes General." I salute him in pure mock before walking into the bathroom.

After showering and washing my mouth, I walk out of the room with a tank top and sweat pants. I throw my hair into a messy bun to get it out of my way. I start to strip my bed of its sheets knowing that it needs to wash when Four walks into the room with a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of Aspirin in the other.

"Here." He hands them to me.

"Thanks." After drinking four pills I hand the bottle back to Four and continue to strip my bed.

"Have you eaten?"

"Nope."

He walks out of the room without another word. After I'm done with the bed, I gather the sheets. I walk out the room and place them in the washer that's hidden behind a closet in the hallway.

"Chinese?" Four asks coming into view, phone in his hand.

I look him up and down. A regular black shirt that hugs his muscles, jeans and barefoot. _Why does he have to look so good?_ "Yeah, that's fine." I finally answer after staring at him, probably for too long. _Maybe he won't notice._

He smirks before walking away.

 _Yup, he definitely noticed._

After mentally scolding myself I walk into the kitchen where Four leans on the counter, arms crossed and phone to his ear. He wraps up the order, hangs up and hands me a bottle of water.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. Just like you can drink all those bottles of booze, you're going to drink a lot of water."

"Oh wait let me guess… it'll help?" I arch an eyebrow.

"See, you're smart." He smiles before walking off.

I sit on the couch and sip my water. Four comes back out of the room with the bottles of alcohol in his arms. He drains out some that still have liquid in it before tossing them in the garbage. Bottle after bottle fills up the trash. Maybe if it was some other guy I would be embarrassed but I'm not. Not with Four. Now he's seen the real me, what I put myself through and I don't mind.

"What time did they say the food will be here?"

"Thirty minutes. We have to go pick it up."

"Why do we have to pick it up?"

"Well, we're not eating here."

I groan and tilt my head backward. "Four, I do not want to go anywhere."

"Too bad." He shrugs.

"Please." I whimper, sticking out my bottom lip. I don't know where all these childish acts are coming from but I enjoy it; it relieves the pain.

"No Pigeon."

"You're so mean."

"I know."

I roll my eyes as he turns away. While waiting, Four washes the dishes piled up in the sink and cleans the kitchen. I just sit there, watching him while drinking my water bottle. I watch him closely trying my best to see his muscles moving through his shirt. Because of my intense staring, I see a tattoo curling up from his shirt. It's tip sprawls onto the back of his neck ever so slightly.

After he finishes cleaning the counter he turns around to face me, catching my eyes on him. "Is there a reason why you're staring?" I blush and look down. My nervous fingers start to peel with the wrapper of the water bottle. He chuckles. "Go and put something else on so we can go."

Without a word I get up from the sofa and scurry into my room. I shut the door before leaning against it.

 _Why am I losing my cool around him? He's just a guy… a very, very sexy guy – stop it! Four is just a friend and nothing else. We are just friends! Ignore that feeling, it's nothing and will always be nothing!_

After changing into my normal clothing, I saunter back into the living room. Four stands there, just finishing putting on his coat.

"So… where are we going?"

"I actually don't know."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute." I wave my hands in the air. "You mean to tell me that I could be eating Chinese food in my bed but you're dragging me out the house to somewhere I don't know and _you_ don't even know!"

He's quiet for a moment. "Yup, sounds about right."

* * *

After picking up the food, Four and I ended up at a local park. The sun is setting, painting a beautiful picture. Orange, pink, and white dance through the sky. If I was an artist, I'd definitely be feeling motivated right now. I turn to Four to find his eyes already on me.

"What?" I chuckle.

"You seem to be feeling better."

"I am."

He raises his eyebrows at me. "You know, when I do something nice to someone, which is rare, I usually get a 'thanks' or a 'you're great Four'."

I laugh seeing where he's going with this. "Okay, fine. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

We spend the next few minutes in a comfortable silence. We're sitting side by side on the grass so that our shoulders almost touch. I surprise myself when I lay my head on his shoulder. Sparks run through my body at the contact. _He's just a friend._

To keep my mind off my emotions I speak, "When you were a kid, what did you want to grow up to be?"

"A superhero."

A smile, though he can't see it. "What kind of superhero?"

"It was either between super-strength or having the ability to never run out of food."

"I prefer the latter. What would your name be?"

"I didn't know when I was growing up but now that I think about it'd be… One."

I laugh and lift my head to face him. "One?"

He smiles. "Yes, One. That way I'd be the ultimate, ultimate superhero."

I can't help the giggle that comes out of my mouth. I cover my face with my hands to quiet my voice. "Oh my god." I speak, my hands still over my face.

"What?"

I peek through my fingers. Four stares at me with curiosity. I uncover my face before speaking, "I just… forgot that life can sometimes be enjoyable."

"I have the same feeling at times."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I understand more than you know."

I look at him but he keeps his attention in front of him. "What did you do that got you arrested?" I ask quietly. I see his body tense beside me. I knew I shouldn't have asked, but I couldn't help it. "Forget I asked." I hug my knees and bury my face in them.

"I attacked a group of men." Four says sternly. I lift my head. "One day I was walking home from work, it was late and dark out. That's when I heard a woman's scream. It sounded desperate and blood-curdling so I followed it. They were… beating her, ripping her clothes off. I didn't like what I saw so I… intervened you could say. Little did I know that there was an off duty police officer nearby and he saw when I attacked the men. By then the woman had already run off so he had nothing to see except me beating the men. I was arrested and booked into jail. A couple days later the woman came into the police station and testified for me. She showed her marks and bruises to the police. At first, they didn't believe her but they checked security cameras and it proved that she was right. She bailed me out. Diana was her name."

I listen intently to each word Four utters. My mind wanders back to the mugshot of him. He didn't have any bruises or marks on his face from what I could tell. And if he said it was a group of men, he must've been bound to receive some sort of blow.

"How many men did you attack?"

"Five or six, somewhere around there. Why?"

I look him up and down before I meet his gaze. I search his eyes, my own earnest. "I think… you would be the second greatest superhero." I whisper.

"Second?" He asks jokingly.

"Behind Batman of course."

He smiles at me and I smile back. It seems like we're are the only two people in the world right now. Him and me. Nothing nor no one else exists. Everything else is a distraction. My heart pounds so much that I feel like it's going to burst out of my chest. I try to remind myself that he's just a friend but those voices seem so faint; like they're being wiped out of existence. Now I know. Now I know I want to lean in and close the gap between us. I want to do that more than anything. But I can't. I can't drag Four into my messed up life.

I cast my eyes down into my lap. "It's getting late. I think we should go."

There's silence in the air.

"Alright, let's get you home." He gets up from the grass and offers me his hand.

I accept it and he pulls me off the ground. We share a brief moment of staring before gathering our things. When we arrive at his truck I have an especially hard time getting in for reasons I don't know. This makes Four take out his phone and start recording me.

"Four… it's not funny." I groan.

"I tend to disagree." He replies. I can tell he's holding back a laugh.

Finally, he helps me get inside my hoisting me up by my arms. I land on the seat with a bit of force. Some hair falls into my face and I quickly pull it to the side. When I turn his way, Four's face is literally centimeters from mine. My breathing becomes jagged as I stare into his eyes.

I silently thank Four when he speaks, breaking me from my reverie. "Why are you so short?"

I roll my eyes playfully and shove him lightly. He laughs and closes my door.

The rest of the ride is spent in a comfortable silence. It boggles me at how I comfortable I am around him. We don't have to talk all the time but when we do, it's like we've known each other all our lives. My head shifts in his direction and I just stare at him.

"Yes, Pigeon?" He asks, his eyes still on the road.

I rummage my mind for an excuse of my excessive staring. "Did they ever drop the charges on the case?"

"No, they didn't. They let me off easy, that's the reason why I'm attending the support group sessions. If I don't enjoy it for three weeks, I don't have to go back."

 _Of course, they didn't. I saw it online._

"Right. Was it rough in there?"

"Believe when I say I've been through much worse."

For some reason, knowing Four has been through 'much worse' has me concerned. "Meaning?"

"It's not up for discussion."

"Okay." I shrug though my investigative mind is turning wheels.

* * *

 **So sorry for this late update (at least I think it's a late update; where I live right now, it is past my bedtime.) I just caught a cold and I seemed to have lost track of time and any sort of understanding of what day it is, hence my late update. Anyway, I feel like I am teasing you guys waaaaay to much with these itty bitty FourTris moments. Don't worry though; FourTris is closer than you guys think. ;) And as always I appreciate every single one of you who review as well as the favs/follows. They keep me going! :D**

 **See you all in the next update!**

 **~Mal**


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Two days later I'm dashing up the steps and jogging into Candor Law Firm. I know this place like the back of my hand so I take the stairs up to the eighth floor. When I enter the immense space, the sound of phones ringing and voices speaking hit me. Typical office workspace. I weave in and out of the cubicles, people giving me weird stares along the way but not to my interest. Through the glass I can see her standing in one of the private meet rooms, palms pressed up against the mahogany colored desk. It's long, sitting about eight other people all of who are staring intently at her. I don't have time to wait for her so I barge right into the room.

"But if we take this case – "

"Ms. Alaverez," I interrupt the man who was just speaking. The whole room turns to look at me, Christina's eyes wide. I cup my hands together and place them on my legs. "I'd to speak to you for a moment. It's urgent."

"Who are you?! What is this?!" An old man snaps.

Christina puts her hand up. "Mr. Henshaw, I will take care of this."

"Yeah old man, don't get your diapers in a knot!" I shoot back at him. Christina roughly grabs me by my arm and storms out of the room.

She doesn't let go until we've reached her office which is a few doors down. "What the hell is wrong with you!"

"I said it was urgent."

"Tris, you cannot just show up at my work place, interrupt a meeting that could either make or break this law firm, insult one of my colleagues – "

"Okay, he had that coming."

"Tris it doesn't matter!" She exclaims. She sighs and leans on her desk. "What is it?"

"I would've come sooner but I had some… personal things to take care of."

"I know. Uriah told me."

"What?" I ask quietly. "You still keep in contact with him?"

She folds her arms. "Of course. Uriah's my friend… just like you are."

"W-what did he tell you?" Before she can respond I cut her off, "You know what, I don't even want to know. All I came here for is to see if you had a chance to look over the files I gave to you."

She nods and walks around her desk. Opening a drawer, she hands them back to me. "You're lucky I know you or else you would've had to pose for your mugshot."

I take the folder from her hand. "What did you find?"

"All of those girls have perfectly normal families. Except one."

"Kimberly."

"Yes. She was the only one who struck out as different to me. I'm guessing you already know how all these girls are around the same age and all the other similarities?" I nod. "Okay. Kimberly's case was different. She has no address, it's like she's a ghost. A ghost who either was kidnapped or just disappeared. But I was able to do some digging and I found out that when her mother passed her grandmother actually fought for custody of her but the father won. She was strongly against Kimberly going to live with the father and when the judge asked her why, she couldn't give an answer based off of facts."

"You said she was _strongly_ against Kimberly going with her father but yet when she was asked why, she couldn't give a credible answer. That doesn't make any sense. It's like she knew something but didn't want to say anything."

"That's what I'm thinking. And after it was over, the grandmother had no contact with Kimberly whatsoever. If she didn't want Kimberly over there, wouldn't she do everything in her power to keep in contact with her?"

"Do you have the grandmother's address?"

"Yes, I do in fact." She shuffles some papers on her desk before slipping out one single page. "Here." She hands it to me.

I look at the address and my eyes widen. "Are you kidding me? Her house is two and half hours away!"

Christina smiles at me. "Now that is your problem to deal with. As you could imagine, I have a room full of angry and confused colleagues so if you don't mind… I have to be on my way." She walks towards the door but before she leaves she stops and turns to me. "Close the door when you're done here."

I let out a growl as she saunters away. "This isn't fair!" I yell after her.

* * *

"Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for picking me up." I chant. He's probably getting tired of me saying this to him but I don't know what else to do.

Four glances at me and smiles before turning his attention back to the road. "Tris, like I said no problem. I needed a little break from work anyway."

"Yeah but…" I groan and slam my head on the dashboard.

"What is it?"

"I'm just…" I trail off as I try to find the right words. "I'm not used to asking people for favors or help." I grumble.

"Well then I am honored."

I playfully glare at him. "You know, this is the third time I've been in your truck and not once have I touched this radio." I say, feigning awe.

"Really?" Four gasps. "I didn't notice."

"Yup. And you know what that means right?"

"No I don't."

I smirk and turn on the radio. I surf through the stations finding nothing that peaks my attention so I just turn it off. I huff as a lay back in my seat.

"Find anything good?"

"Ha. Ha. Ha." I pronounce sarcastically.

He laughs slightly. "You know I don't mind driving you but why are we headed to someone's house who lives almost three hours away?"

"It's part of my investigation."

"What investigation?"

"Didn't I already…" I pause for a moment. "I never got to tell you, did I?"

"Tell me what?"

I guess hanging out with Four has kept my mind off of the chaotic life I live. So I then go on to tell him about the investigation and where it has lead me so far, though I leave out the part of what I saw at the school. When I've finished explaining everything to him, he stares in front of him, speechless.

"Four? Are you in there?"

"How many girls went missing?"

"Fourteen, why?"

He shakes his head. "That's a lot of missing girls. How could they all have just disappeared like that?"

"I don't know."

* * *

The house we stand in front of is small, maybe housing one or two people, three at most. I walk up the cemented pathway and knock on the door, Four standing behind me.

"What's the grandmother's name?" He asks.

"Rosemary."

When no one answers I knock again. "Hello Mrs. Gonzalez," I call out. "My name's Tris Prior. I'm here to talk about your granddaughter Kimberly." Out of the corner of my eye I see the curtain to the widow shut quickly. She must be home. "Smile," I tell Four through gritted teeth as I plaster one onto my face.

"What?"

"Smile. It'll put her at ease."

Just as I finish my sentence the door creaks open and a head pops out. "Y-you're here for my granddaughter?"

"Yes, ma'am." I pull out my license and show it to her. "I want to ask you some questions."

She looks between Four and I. Hesitantly, she opens the door. "Come in." I thank her silently and walk in, Four following. She leads us to the living room which is quite cramped due to the small space. "Please sit." She tells us and points to a loveseat.

Four and I oblige but we're a bit cramped. It's like everything is minuscule in here. I groan when I feel something on my backside.

"Hand," I mutter to Four.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to." He apologizes and moves it.

"I'm sorry, let me grab my glasses. I left them in the kitchen." Rosemary smiles sheepishly and scurries off.

I take the time to let my eyes roam around the house. It's old-fashioned to say nonetheless, vintage furniture in every corner. When I look to my right I jump a bit. A white and grey cat sits there staring at me, it's eyes boring into mine. I didn't see it before. It meows as it approaches me.

"Oh God." I murmur when it comes closer. My body tenses when it's fur brushes up against my jacket.

Four smirks at me. "You don't like cats?"

"No, I do not," I respond quietly. "Get it off, get it off, get it off."

He laughs and grabs the cat from my lap. Gently, he places it back on the ground. I shudder as I watch it walk away.

"Okay, found them," Rosemary says upon entering the living room. She sits down on a rocking chair across from us. "You wanted to ask me about my granddaughter."

"Yes."

"Then you should talk to her father."

"That is proving to be rather difficult since I do not know where he is." I snap. "When was the last time you saw Kimberly?"

"Almost four weeks ago. It was a week before I heard she went missing."

"Heard?" Four asks. "From who? Wasn't it her father?"

Rosemary shakes her head. "No. I don't communicate with that man whatsoever."

"Mrs. Rodriguez, after your daughter died you and Kimberly's father went to court for a custody battle. You told the judge you didn't want Kimberly to go with her father but yet couldn't back up your claim, why?"

She sighs. "That… shell of a man has no right to be a father."

"And why is that?"

"He doesn't have the best reputation. He doesn't have the right… experience."

"So because he doesn't have the right experience he can't be a father?" I inquire. She opens her mouth to speak but I beat her to it. "I'm pretty sure you had no experience when you had Kimberly's mother because from what I know, you only had one child. And I'd say someone with the right experience in raising a child should have taught her daughter right from wrong. Which man to wed and which one to leave on the side of the road. Wouldn't you agree?" Rosemary gulps. "Mrs. Rodriguez, I'm only going to ask you this question once – was Kimberly's father in a gang?"

"Yes! Yes, okay. He was in a gang. They called them Dauntless." At the sound of Dauntless, I feel Four stiffen next to me but ignore it. "Did you know that's how my daughter died? He killed her! She found out and he let them kill her! He doesn't deserve to be a father, not even to be alive!"

"The Dauntless gang was destroyed over three years ago."

"Time doesn't heal everything."

 _You have no idea._

"So is that why you didn't want Kimberly with her father?" She nods. "Why didn't you tell anybody?"

She scoffs. "Do you really think anyone would believe me? I'm an old woman, who could be viewed as someone having trouble with a son-in-law and would do anything to see him suffer. I'm taking medication for health purposes. The courts could've said I was mad. When Dauntless doesn't want you to find something out, they will do whatever it is in their power to wipe that something out of existence. They would've never found any proof of him being associated with Dauntless."

Four abruptly stands up from the loveseat. "I'm going to wait outside."

"O-okay." I look at him skeptically. He nods at me and walks out.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Rosemary asks.

"W-what?" I stutter and feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. "Why would you say that?"

"Just the way you guys looked at each other. It's obvious to anyone that you two like one another."

"We are not dating, he's just a friend." I correct her though it pains me to say that. Her mouth forms an 'o' shape at my answer. "And back to more important matters. Mrs. Rodriguez, I have reason to believe that the disappearance of your granddaughter is connected to the other missing teenage girls."

She furrows her eyebrows. "What do you mean?" I gulp and shift in my seating. Rosemary starts balling when I tell her what I know. She covers her mouth with her hand to muffle the noise coming from her mouth. Her chest heaves rapidly. "W-w-was it that man!"

I shake my head. "No, I can promise you that. Dauntless is gone. This is something else."

"Find Kimberly! Find her please!" She pleads. "I-I can't live knowing something is happening to her!"

"I'll do everything in my power to bring your granddaughter back home. I promise."

After bidding goodbye to Rosemary, I walk outside to find Four leaning against his truck door. Just like Rosemary, his chest is elevating at a quickened pace. He looks pale, as if he's seen a ghost.

"Hey," I say gently as I approach him. He looks up at me. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

I step closer to him. "Are you sure? You don't look too good."

"Tris I'm fine." He snaps. I step back from him. His face softens when he sees my reaction. "I'm sorry. I've just been having a bad day."

"Guess I'm not the only horrible liar here… am I?" He can't seem to meet my gaze. I scoff and roll my eyes. "Let's go."

The ride is filled with silence – an awkward silence for the first time. I stare out the window though sometimes I can feel Four staring. He must be now because I'm uneasy. I try my best to not return his stare but it doesn't work.

"What do you want?" I groan and turn to him.

I was right, he was staring. "Tris, I said I was sorry."

"And I believe you." My voice gets higher with each word I say.

He drives while simultaneously looking at me. "Well, I don't."

I sigh and glimpse at my hands before turning back to him. "No, it's okay Four. I can't be mad about you not wanting to tell me what's going on. It's understandable, I mean we just met."

His face shows sign of something but I can't tell what. Hurt? "If we just met I don't think I would know how much you're obsessed with banana pancakes."

I laugh at his statement. "Okay fine so we've known each other for like what? I little over a week?"

"A week?" He leers at me. "Have you been keeping track Pigeon?"

"N-no."

"Are you sure? Because if we've known each other for over a week then you can tell me anything."

I snigger. "Shut up Horn Dog."

A moment of silence passes before he speaks, "How did you know the girl's father was in a gang?"

"I didn't actually. It just popped into my head with the little I learned about him."

"So you can just… tell when people were a part of a gang?" He chuckles but he sounds nervous.

I shrug nonchalantly. "Who knows. Maybe I have hidden super powers."

"Yeah, being incredibly annoying." He mutters but it doesn't pass my ears.

I glare at him.

* * *

Four's truck rolls up to my apartment building. I sigh when I see it. Going back into that apartment is like taking an open invitation to my nightmares. But I've got to face them one day or another.

"Thanks again for picking me up and hanging out with my _annoying_ self." I smile at him.

He returns the smile. "No problem." I open the door to get out when he stops me. "Wait, Tris." I turn to him. He's thoughtful for a moment.

"Did you want something?" I grin.

He places his hand at the back of his neck. "I was just wondering if… you'd like to take self-defense classes."

"Are you serious?" I ask hesitantly.

"Depends on you."

I beam at him. This must be what he thought my reaction would be like but I'm not done. I launch myself at him, not even bumping myself on anything in his truck and wrap my arms around his neck.

"T-Tris… I can't breathe." He chokes out.

I quickly peel my hands from his neck. "Sorry." I smile bashfully as I remove some hair from my face. "But thank you!"

He chuckles. "No problem."

I smile at him probably longer than I should. Finally, I snap out of it. "Okay, well I'm going to go now."

"Come by the gym tomorrow afternoon. I can give you a private lesson."

Him. Me. Private. The thoughts send chills done my spine. "Alright, I'll see you then." I give him one last hug before jumping out the truck and closes the door. He doesn't drive away until I'm in my apartment building.

I climb up the stairs, a grin still evident on my face. When I approach my door, a white envelope sticks out. Curious, I grab it and open it. It can't be from the office; I paid my rent. When I open the envelope, my smile fades.

A headshot of Kathy with a tear stricken face and duct tape around her mouth is what starts to cause my hyperventilating. My body becomes numb and I quickly look around the apartment floor before racing inside my apartment. I drop my bag to the floor and cover my mouth with my hand. This can't be happening. I walk into the kitchen and immediately pull out a bottle of whiskey. After opening it and drinking from it, I look further into the envelope to see if there is anything else inside. Kathy's necklace. I flip the envelope upside down and the chain falls into my hand. It's gold with a heart locket at the bottom. I know that it's Kathy's by heart; I've seen her wearing this in pictures. I dangle the chain from my fingers and stare at it. That's when it hits me.

Someone's been watching me.

* * *

 **Before I say anything, I want you all to know how sorry I am about not updating. My internet had been disconnected for the _longest_ period of time and it's only now that it came back on. I feel _awful_ about leaving you guys hanging and even updating now isn't making me feel any better. So, if you guys want, I will post another chapter this coming Friday to try and make up for lost time; it's the least I can do after abandoning you guys. :( But, there was a benefit to me not updating. I have been busy at work writing new stories for you all (fourtris of course), and I am over the moon about them; so excited to share them with you guys! **

**Aside from my continuous rambling, I am so, so, so thankful for your reviews as well as your favs/follows. Thank you all so much! You guys don't seem to understand how much they mean to me. :D But please let me know if you want another update Friday.**

 **See you all in the next update!**

 **~Mal**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

The whole day the next day I'm antsy, always looking over my shoulder, checking my surroundings but nothing seems out of the ordinary. I know it shouldn't but what I saw last night really disturbed me. I already know what's going on but it's only now that I realize the extent this has gone to. I'm normally calm under difficult situations but this has me on edge.

I put the thoughts at bay as I walk up to Meghan and John's house. I knock on the door twice before it swings open, Meghan standing in the entry way.

"Hi, Tris. I was just about to call you."

"Is your husband home?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I need to talk to you both."

She invites me in and soon the couple is looking at me urging me to tell them what's going on. So, I do. Meghan lets out a scream and John's face turns red with anger. Meghan sobs into her husband's shoulder and he holds her close.

"W-who did this?" His voice cracks.

"I'm not sure. But I do have a lead. It will either be today or tomorrow when he can be bought it for questioning."

"Please, please… find our daughter." He appeals.

"I will."

* * *

I tap my fingers impatiently on the front desk of the police station as I wait for someone to come. Soon I hear heels clacking against the floor and the same receptionist from last time is jogging to the desk, a pile of folders and binders in her hands.

"I am so sorry. I've been busy as you can probably tell." She chuckles as she lays down her things.

"No problem. Am I able to see Amar right now?"

"Give me one moment please." She holds up a finger and picks up the desk phone. She plays with its cord as she sways, waiting for someone to pick up. "Hello, chief? Yes, I have…" She looks at me for an answer. I give her my name. "Tris Prior here. She wants to talk to you." She waits a moment before hanging up the phone. "You can go in."

I thank her before walking to the same room Amar led me to when I first came. I knock before entering. Amar sits in his chair, looking between two files. "I only have a few minutes Prior."

"You seem to have a lot of those."

He glances at me. "What do you want?" He places the papers on his desk. I'm about to answer when he stares behind me, through the glass that separates his office from the rest of the station. His face turns into a frown. "Hang on a minute." He gets up from his chair and walks out the room.

I take the opportunity to put the file that I borrowed back. I discreetly lay the folder underneath other documents and scramble them. Amar walks back in just as I finish up. "Everything okay?" I ask.

"No, it's never okay. I have a missing file and no one in this damn place know where the hell it is!"

"Maybe you should look at your desk again," I suggest. "It seems messy."

He stares. "What is it you're here for again?"

"I have a lead on the missing teen case."

"I think we've already discussed this."

"Yes, we have but this could solve it. All you need is to bring someone in."

"And who is this someone?"

"Patrick Davidson."

Amar must've not been expecting me to say this. "What leads do you have?"

"He has possession of something he shouldn't. If you bring him in, then you'll find out what."

"Are we still playing this game Prior?"

"I'm playing no game." He scoffs. "I only have one request, though."

He arches an eyebrow. "And that is?"

"I'll be there when you pick him up."

* * *

Davidson's giving a class when I approach the door accompanied by Amar and two police officers. Without even knocking, I enter the room.

"So class if – " He stops in mid-sentence and looks at us as does the students. "Can I help you."

I give him a sweet smile. "You are such a dirty bastard."

"Excuse me?"

"When I asked you about Kathy, you had a fondness for her when you spoke. Now I know why." I snicker. "It's disgusting."

He furrows his eyebrows. "Would you like to explain yourself?"

"Child pornography is a very serious thing, Mr. Davidson."

His face flushes and there's a thick silence looming in the air. "And where would you get an assumption like this?"

"Oh, it's no assumption."

"If this is what you disrupted my class for then I need you to leave now." He speaks firmly.

The policemen walk up to him and place him in handcuffs, much to his dismay. Amar starts to read him his rights as he's walked out of the room. The teens stare as they watch this unravel. I nod at them. "Have a good day kids. Let this serve as a lesson."

* * *

One of the detectives walks around the table and sits down in his chair, Davidson in the other. His hands are cuffed to the table and he has a bored expression played out on his face.

"This feels like déjà vu." He smirks.

"Last time you were here, I got a bad feeling from you. Now I know why." The detective scowls out him.

"And what makes you think I'd so such a thing?" He asks innocently.

"That attitude right there," The detective points to Davidson. "Is what made you end up here in the first place. You didn't want to answer any questions."

"I want my lawyer."

"So you _are_ prepared for accusations like this."

"And that's exactly what they are. Accusations."

I sigh as I watch the conversation unfold through the one-way mirror.

Amar comes up next to me. "He's not going to crack anytime soon."

"Yeah." I turn to him. "Just call me if he says anything." I hand him my card. "And I will be calling Kathy's parents so they will most likely be dropping by."

"Alright. Get outta here." He smirks and gestures to the door.

"Is it just me or are you actually being nice?" I tease.

"Don't push your luck."

* * *

"Punch the bag." Four orders.

I stand there, dripping in sweat from only twenty minutes of cardio. I don't know how people do things like this every day. The punching bag stands tall in front of me seeming almost daunting.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not going to punch the bag."

He folds his arms. "Punch the bag." I sigh and tap the bag lightly. It barely moves. He arches an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"You said to punch it." I defend.

"Like you mean it!"

I compress my lips together and look at the bag.

"Okay, look." He sighs and stands in front of me. "Open your fist, then close it." I do as instructed. "Remember to keep your hands in fists, don't leave them open or else that can cause injury when you go in for a hit. Keep them tight, got it?"

"Yeah."

"Now Pigeon, place your fist in the middle of the bag." I do. "Take a deep breath." He stands closer to me, his mouth inches from my ear. I don't know how he expects me to breathe with him this close to me. My breath comes out heavy and short. He chuckles. "Relax. Now – hit the bag." He backs up so that he leaves me room.

I exhale before sending my fist into the bag. It jiggles slightly.

Four walks over to me again. "Good, but remember to keep the tension here." He places his palm against my flat stomach. His movements are sudden and unexpected; it catches me off guard. But, the interaction sends electricity through my body. I gulp and look at him. He removes his hand and I immediately miss its warmth. "Again."

* * *

"How was your day?" Uriah chirps as he enters my apartment.

"Don't you know that people want to sleep?" I grumble as I rub my eyes. Uriah text me saying he couldn't sleep so was going to bring over movies and popcorn – at one-thirty in the morning.

"Oh, I'm glad you had a good day Tris. Mine was pretty awesome too. I met up with Marlene, had a date, went back to her place, engaged in some very productive activities – "

"Ew, Uriah shut up! I don't want to hear about your sex life!"

He just shrugs. "Okay, so I have ultimate butter and movie theater popcorn. Which one?"

"Neither," I answer. "Trying to cut back on the junk food."

"Why?" Uriah asks, his voice muffled due to him carrying a bag of popcorn in his mouth, ready to be put in the microwave.

"Four agreed to teach me self-defense classes so he told me to clean up my act." I respond nonchalantly.

The bag of popcorn in Uriah's mouth drops. A smile grows across his face.

I put up my finger, knowing what he's already thinking. "Not a word."

"I totally called it! I ship you two!" He exclaims and follows me into the living room.

"Uriah we are not dating." I state firmly.

"Not yet you aren't!" I can't help but smile at the thought of dating Four. "You see, you're smiling!"

"Okay, can we just watch the movie!" I chuckle nervously. I pick up the movie he bought to inspect it. Sighing, I turn to him. "Bambi, seriously?"

* * *

I groan as my body hits the mat of the floor gym. I had called Four to ask him if he was available for a private lesson. He told me to come later on because he had a lot of clients today. So now we're in an empty gym, just him and I practicing self-defense techniques.

Four kneels in front of me, a small smile etched out on his face. "Do you know what you did wrong?"

"My footing," I respond gruffly. He nods. "Are we done here?"

"I thought you were the one who said you wanted me to teach you self-defense."

"Yeah but… I didn't know it'd be this hard." I groan.

His smile enlarges. "You're not going to become a master in one day."

"Oh, and would you be a master?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah, actually."

I give him a closed mouth smile. Then it hits me that his face is inches from mine. He must notice it too because he probes my eyes. There are voices shouting in my head for me to stop what I'm doing; to suppress the feelings I have and to just walk away. They become louder, to the point that I feel as if my eardrums are going to burst. But as I stare into his endless blue eyes, the voices die down until they're nothing but faint whispers. I'm tired of letting my inner demons control me; I'm tired of living in fear. So, I take a chance.

Slowly I place my hand on his cheek and skim my thumb across it. My thumb drops down to his lips and I brush them lightly. His face inches closer to mine and soon his lips are rubbing against mine faintly. I look at him and he must see the want in my eyes because, in an instant, he crashes his lips against mine. The feeling is indescribable, the burning sensation that ignites throughout my whole body. His tongue scrapes my bottom lip and I don't hesitate in granting him access. Our tongues dance in each other's mouths and soon the kiss becomes desperate. My hands move from around his neck to the hem of his shirt. My fingertips crawl underneath it and glide along his torso. He brakes the kiss for a moment to take his shirt off and in one swift movement, I'm staring at his toned stomach. My breathing hitches as his lips find my neck. I latch onto his back with one hand as the other roams his abdomen. I moan quietly as he starts to suck on my pulse point, which I'm sure is throbbing right now.

Before this gets taken any further I gently push him back, though it takes every inch of me to do so because lord knows I would love to continue. He doesn't let up, though, but instead switches to the other side of my neck. I whimper his name. "Four, Four." He hums in response. "W-we have to stop."

Reluctantly, he pulls away. Both our chests are rising heavily as we try to catch our breath. I skim my fingers along his chest, stomach and ribcage. "You have a very nice six-pack."

"Thank you." He smiles. "It's open to you anytime."

I look up at him through my eyelashes. "Really? _Anytime_?"

"Anytime." He confirms.

We share another kiss, though this one isn't as heated. That doesn't stop that amazing feeling erupting in my stomach and chest

"Do you want me to take you home?" He murmurs against my lips.

"No." I whisper.

He pulls back with a smirk on his face. "No?"

"I don't want to go home just yet." I tell him.

"Then you don't have to."

* * *

 **Needless to say, I think this should make up for lost time. ;)**

 **See you in the next chapter!**

 **~Mal**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

I wasn't able to sleep that night. Events of last night kept flooded back in my mind, though they brought comfort instead of grief. I can't keep the smile off my face. I may seem psychotic to some people as I pass them on the street, but this is the first thing I am actually happy about that has happened in my life for a very long time. We didn't take things any further but instead went to a nearby park to walk around, though we still had heated make-out sessions.

I have never felt like this with anyone else I've dated in the past, even though it was only two other men. I haven't known Four that long but he puts me at ease, he's easy to talk to, and he keeps my mind at bay and off of my problems; I feel like he keeps me sane most times.

When Four dropped me off back home, Uriah, who had stayed over the previous night, noticed my different mood and basically interrogated me. At first, I didn't say anything but I couldn't keep quiet for long. When I told him what happened, he fangirled on me. He said he had "supernatural powers that predicted the future." He received a pillow to the face in return.

I have to try my best to hide my smile when I walk into the police station. Jessica sits at the desk typing but when she sees me she points to Amar's office smirking. I knock twice before receiving the okay to enter.

"Did he break?" I ask once I'm inside.

Amar looks up from his computer. "No, his lawyer's pretty good. We still have him in custody, though. I sent some of my men to go pick up his things from his office, computer and such. They're going to bring it here to be looked over."

I sigh and scrape my forehead.

"You're positive you know what you saw?"

"Yes. Of course."

He knits his brows together and folds his arms. "And how do you know?"

"I have my ways."

"I just hope it's not anything illegal. Because I do have the right to arrest you under those terms."

I smirk and walk towards the door. Before leaving I turn to him, "You'll be the first to know."

* * *

I enter Christina's office without even knocking. She sits at her desk, fingers to her temples. "Do you not know how to knock before entering a room?" She grumbles.

"Apparently not," I grin.

She notices this and arches an eyebrow. "What's got you all bubbly and happy?" She leans back in her chair. "It's nerve-racking."

"Nothing." I cast my eyes down.

"So there is something!"

I knew I couldn't lie to her. She's always been good at detecting when someone's telling the truth and when someone's lying. And it's not because she's a lawyer; she's been like this ever since we were kids.

"So… who's the guy?" My eyes shoot up to meet hers. "Oh come on Tris! I know you!"

"I'm here strictly on business Christina."

She nods slowly. "Right." She says quietly. Reality must hit her then; her face turns sour and her eyes reflect pain but she quickly tucks it away. "What can I help you with?"

"I need more info on Kathy and Kimberly."

"Info like what?"

"I've heard they used to go by the docks around two-thirty. Any idea of what?"

Christina places her chin in her hand. "No, I'm not the private investigator here." I huff. "Think Tris. Get the guy that's in your mind out of it, and think about this case. Why do _you_ think they went by the docks?"

"I don't – " I stop in mid-sentence when it hits me. "Dauntless," I whisper. Christina stares at me. "Dauntless' hideout of sorts was by the docks, it's where their gang was run. It used to be in a warehouse that had shut down years before they came into the picture. If these girls met that man at the docks then there is obviously something out there, something I'm not seeing. I have to go check it out."

"Wait Tris!" Christina unexpectedly gets up from her chair. I turn to her. "Please, please be careful. I've already lost someone I love due to gang relations. I can't lose someone else. I can't lose you too."

I gulp. "Why are you still doing this?" I can't stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

"Doing what?"

"Looking after me. Caring about me. I don't deserve it after what I – "

She laughs humorlessly. "Tris, why do you still blame yourself?"

"Because it's my fault!" I roar. She looks at me, her eyes full of sorrow. "Will is dead because of me! Your boyfriend is dead because of me!" I shudder when I'm finished as the words seep into my mind.

"Tris – "

"I have to go." I jog out the room even though Christina calls after me.

* * *

"What's on your mind?" Four asks from beside me as we walk down the street.

I sigh. "I don't want to talk about it." I turn to him. "Is that okay?"

"It's fine. I don't want to pressure you into telling me something you don't want to."

I smile lightly at him. "Thank you for understanding."

"So, where are we going?"

"I have a lead on the case and I just… didn't want to check out the sight alone."

"So you wanted my very nice six-pack to defend you?" I blush at his comment. It's the first any of us has mentioned anything about what happened last night. "Oh, you don't think I forgot do you?"

"I don't know," I mutter. "I didn't think you'd remember or… enjoy it as much as I did." I bite my tongue as the words escape my lips.

He stops me from walking by holding my arm. His eyebrows are furrowed and he has a stern look on his face. "Tris, please don't think I didn't enjoy what happened last night. I did, very much so. It was different from any other kisses I've had." He cups my face in his hands. "Don't ever think I don't enjoy being around being around you, do you hear me?"

His words bring my heart relief. I nod.

"Thank you." He kisses me. It's soft and sweet but it feels…real. When we break apart he presses his forehead to mine. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Much, thanks," I smirk.

Soon we arrive at the docks. I can tell by Four's face that he's confused but yet alarmed. I walk around a bit until I find the warehouse I'm looking for. The closer I walk to it, the more memories it brings back. The more nightmares it brings back.

I can see the police handing me the wire that'll be placed on me so that they can record the whole conversation.

I can see myself walking up to the warehouse alone, the police some distance away to keep cover.

I can see the Dauntless men coming out and grabbing me by my arms and dragging me inside.

I can feel how terrified I was but didn't let it show.

I can hear the sound of gunshots.

I can hear the sound of my screams as I knelt over Will's body.

Will.

I killed him.

I killed him.

I killed Will.

"Tris, what are we doing here?" Four asks suddenly.

Before I can respond I start to hyperventilate. My drums in my chest so loudly I can feel the noise vibrating in my ears. I clamp onto Four's arm for brace, feeling that if I don't I'll tip over at any moment.

"I killed him, I killed him, I killed him," I whisper so quietly if I wasn't speaking I know I wouldn't have heard it. "I killed him."

"Tris? Pigeon are you okay?" Four turns me to him.

I stop my words and stare in his eyes. My head buries itself into his chest and my fists dig into his jacket. "Just wrap your arms around me, please." He does. His strong arms hold me close. I listen to the beat if his heart, it's fast beat actually soothing me. I inhale his scent and it brings me comfort. Being in his arms makes me feel safe and protected from the world. Like baby birds taking refuge underneath their mother's wings. "Why is your heart beating so quickly?"

"It's what happens when I'm around you."

I smile. He has no idea he has the same effect on me as well.

* * *

 **Shorter than other, yes I know. But I do appreciate the feedback I got on the last chapter. And remember, I am open to constructive criticism; it helps me become a better writer. :) Oh, and the updating schedule has gone back to normal.**

 **See you all in the next chapter!**

 **~Mal**


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

I don't know why I believed I could go back in there. I wasn't ready. I'm not ready. So, I had to find another way to solve this case. I was able to come in contact with Tori again and asked her to fill out a police report on the man Kathy use to come into the café with. She was able to get a description and the police have been posting it wherever they can. Kathy's parents did come to see Davidson. John wanted to rip him to shreds and had to be taken out by the police until he calmed down. They had to let Davidson walk free because they couldn't find anything to charge him against; he must've gotten rid of the envelope I saw. But they are still sweeping his computer which has turned out to be a troubling task.

I've been better than I have in years, thanks to Four. I was able to see him again yesterday and I know it made both our days. We haven't exactly put a name on our… relationship, and that's fine with me. I won't pressure him if he doesn't want to go further just yet.

But when I get back home and see that locket sitting on my dresser, my anxieties take flight. Normally I would take this to the police but I don't anyone to get hurt. When a threat like this surfaces, I keep it to myself. That's another reason why I have doubts about Four and I. He has his whole life to live and I'm a drunk who is being stalked. Even though I haven't gotten drunk in a few days, my cabinets are still filled with bottles and I do have a drink or two.

I'm called out of my trance when there's pounding at my door. I sigh and get up from my couch. I look through the peephole and see Christina standing there, hands on her hips. I groan and lay my head on the door. After counting to ten, I open it. "Can I help you?"

"Um, yeah. I need to talk to you." I look at her skeptically. "Its about the case."

"Really?"

"Are you going to let me in?" She snaps.

I eye her before opening the door wider for her. When she walks in a scowl overtakes her face, her eyes roaming over everything with disgust. It's not that it's dirty because I was raised better than that, but I guess it doesn't meet her standards.

"Welcome to my humble home," I tell her sarcastically and shut the front door. "It may not be the lavish and high-priced condos you live in, but it works fine for me."

"Tris, I'm sure you make enough money to get a more decent place than this." She reasons.

"I'm sure I do. But I happen to like my crummy apartment." I pull out a chair for her, placing it in front of my desk. "Sit."

She takes a seat before speaking, "I was able to do some research on Kimberly's father."

"And?"

"It's like he made a new, clean slate. There's no documentation of him anywhere in the court systems nor in the police records."

"Well, I know that. I already checked."

"But I was able to find someone who was." She rummages through her bag and pulls out a folder. Opening it, she forages through its pages before stopping. "Danny Munoz." She hands me the piece of paper. "Arrested for possession of illegal weapons, and gang related violence. Served over twenty-five years."

I look at the man. He has tattoos crawling onto his face, starting from his neck and most likely has more that's not shown. But when you look past that, you can definitely see the resemblance between him and Kimberly.

"He met Kimberly's mother right when he got out of prison. They settled down and had Kimberly." Christina says. "He made a new name for himself. Danny Munoz didn't exist anymore."

"Thanks, Christina," I mutter while still staring at the paper. "I can work from here."

"Alright then." She stands up from the chair. "I should get going, I have a meeting soon."

I walk around to my desk and put the paper on top. I look up at her. "Yeah, that's fine."

"Tris, when are we going to talk?"

"If you haven't noticed, we are talking right now."

"You know what I mean, don't play dumb." She retorts sourly. "I miss my best friend." She tells me quietly but it doesn't pass my ears.

I stare at her. "Your best friend isn't the woman you're looking at now nor will I ever be. Your _best friend_ died three years ago, along with Will. So if you don't mind Christina I'm telling you to leave."

"Tris – "

"I said leave."

She drops her head and walks out my apartment without another word. I breathe out heavily and lay my head on the desk.

 _Why do I keep pushing those I love away?_

Some time later my head starts to hurt from staring at the computer screen for such a long time. I was able to do some digging and found out an old address belonging to Danny. But it turned out to be a dead end when I researched it. The house belonging to him was torn down and turned into a barber shop after Danny went to prison. I know I still have to head over there so I need Four to take me. I hope he won't mind.

The door suddenly bursts open and Uriah charges in. "Why won't you give her a chance!"

"What are you talking about?" I ask though I'm already pretty sure I know.

"Chris! She is willing to start over, why won't you let her?"

I shrug and clasp my hands together. "Maybe I don't want to start over."

"That's bull –" He takes a deep breath and brushes his hands over his face. He sighs before quietly speaking, "You need to let go of the past Tris."

The blood in my body is fuming at the moment. I abruptly stand up from my seat, my hands balling into fists. "Listen here Uriah, you don't get to come in here and tell me how the hell to live my life! I have been through hell and back! So if you want to come in here and tell me to let go of the past then you should have been in that chair instead of me! How would you have liked it if you told a gang member to kill your friend?! What would you do?!" He's about to speak but I beat him to it. "You don't hear me telling you how to live your life! You sit there and act like you're perfect but yet you haven't spoken to your brother in years! Why do you always think you're with me?! Why don't you contact him, Uriah?! Why?!"

"You want to know why?!" I've never seen Uri so pissed.

"Yeah."

"Because he left us! He left my mother and me to join a gang!" He yells.

My mouth closes tightly after I hear his explanation. Never would I have thought things between him and Zeke were that bad. I always thought it was over something petty, but now I understand why. I scramble my mind trying to find the right words to say. "Uriah, I – "

"Look save it Tris. I don't want your pity now."

"I'm not trying to give you pity." I retort. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He sighs. "I tried to forget about it. After my father died, Zeke and I's relationship was never the same. Slowly but eventually we didn't even talk at all. And then one day I come to find he left home and joined a gang – Dauntless." He takes a deep breath. "So you want to know why I was so against you taking up that case three years ago? I knew what Dauntless was like."

No words come into my mouth to respond to that. And because of that, I walk around my desk and bring Uriah into my arms. Eventually, he accepts the hug and holds me close.

"I just don't want to lose my best friend." He says softly.

A lump forms in my throat. "You won't." I choke out.

He lets go of me. "Tris are you crying?"

"No." I blink back the tears. "No, I'm not."

"There's no use hiding it. I saw."

I chuckle and sniff. "I uh… I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said."

"It's okay." He smiles. "I'm glad I finally told you."

"Thank you. I have to get going. I need a ride from Four." The corner of Uriah's mouth turns upward and he wiggles his eyebrows. "No, not that you pig!" I shriek in disgust but I'm trying to hold back a laugh.

* * *

I cross the street, walking in the direction of The Pit. As I approach it, a funny feeling settles in my stomach. I start to look around me and something catches my eye. A man walking out of the gym, tattoos all over his neck, piercings lining in his earlobe and glasses covering his eyes. He looks at me, smirks and walks away.

That's not good.

I start to jog up to the gym when I loud bang goes off. I'm swept off my feet and tumble backwards onto the pavement. At first, my vision is spotty and my body aches in pain. A ringing sounds in my ears and it blocks out all other noises. Groaning, I gently lift myself into a sitting position. The smell of smoke fills my lungs and I brush my hair out of my face in order to get a clear picture of what's going on. My breathing becomes heavy when I see the gym in flames. The sound of my rapidly beating heart surrounds me; my stomach turns; I feel weak and lightheaded. I no longer feel the pain in my bones but instead feel the insurmountable pain in my heart.

I can't help from screaming his name in agony, "Four!"

* * *

 **He's the next chapter you've been asking for. And one of my guests reviewed asking what Tris did to Will exactly. The best thing for you to do is to read chapter twelve again. There, it explains everything. This chapter does shed some light on the subject as well, but if you wish to get the _entire_ picture, then reading chapter twelve is your best bet. I hope that helps. :) And of course, thank you all for the amazing reviews! I love them _so much_! **

**See you all in the next update!**

 **~Mal**


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The sound of police sirens and firetrucks echo through the streets. A crowd has gathered to try and find out what's going on, police keeping them at a safe distance from the building. They put out the fire a while ago but still have to make sure it's safe to go inside but from anyone's perspective, it's clearly not. It's nothing but the remains of what used to be a gym.

I numbly sit in the back of the firetruck, a blanket over my shoulders. Men had to drag me off the ground when they saw me. I screamed to them over and over again to save him but they didn't register what I was talking about. I myself can't even comprehend that he's gone. The first positive thing to happen in my life, the thing to make me smile and feel safe, is gone. Tears fall from my eyes and even though I'm not screaming or yelling, I'm doing it on the inside. He's gone. He's gone. My heart physically aches and I'm sure nothing will be able to help.

I faintly hear a police officer telling someone to stay back but it doesn't interest me until I hear my voice being called. I turn and see someone making their way through the police and firemen.

"Tris! Tris!" They yell as the person approaches.

My mouth falls open a bit as I can now clearly see who's calling my name. "Four?" I whisper, only audible to me. As he comes closer, I rip the blanket off me. "Four! Four!" I choke out. I jump off the truck and run towards him.

My body crashes into his when we meet. He pulls me off my feet and holds me close. I can't control the tears that flow from my eyes. Gently he places me back on the ground.

I look up at him and cup his face in my hands. "I thought I lost you. I thought I lost you. I thought I lost you."

He looks at me before bringing me into another hug. "I'm here. I'm right here." He mumbles into my ear.

"W-what happened to you? W – "

He silences me by pressing his lips to mine. I treasure the moment of feeling him close to me once again. Being mindful we aren't in private, we break apart but still hold each other closely. I have so many questions but they all dissolve into thin air as I enjoy the feeling of being wrapped in his arms.

Pressing his forehead to mine he speaks, "Do you want to leave?"

I nod gradually. "I'm glad you're okay." My eyes begin to tear up at the thought of almost losing him.

He brushes the tears away as the find my cheeks. "I should be the one to say that. _I_ almost lost _you_. You have no idea what that would've done to me." I smile lightly at him. "Let's get out of here."

Taking my hand in his, he leads me out of the chaos. We pass through the crowd and he leads me to his truck that's around the block. Once inside, he starts up the engine and pulls out of the parking space.

"What did you come to the gym for?" He asks.

"I came to see you." I can see him smile. "And I needed a ride to go somewhere."

"So you came to see your personal chauffeur?"

"Yeah."

* * *

At first, I was surprised but soon it disappeared when Four brought me to his apartment. It was on the better side of the city, security and everything – one thing I lack in my apartment building. For a man, his place is actually pretty clean, much to my surprise. Modern furniture, not many decorations, and just eggshell white walls. I laughed when he was about to ask me if I wanted a beer but then caught himself in mid-sentence. He looked at me apologetically and didn't really know what to say after that. I assured him, with my lips, that he didn't offend me in any way. My actions left us on the sofa, me straddling his lap, both of us breathless. I bury my face into his neck and inhale his scent as his fingers rake through my hair. It's comforting being in his presence.

"All that is running through my mind right now," He says softly. "Is what would I do if you had gone any closer to that gym."

I frown and sit up to look at him. Our hand's interlock. "You would've gone on with your life… right?"

He shakes his head. "I never had a life before you."

"But, I wouldn't be the cause of you not starting one."

He sighs and doesn't meet my eyes.

"Four, you couldn't have done that."

"And why not?" He asks, almost harshly. Almost.

"Because I'm not worth it." I chuckle humorlessly.

"But you are worth it." He cradles the side of my face in his hand and his thumb skims my cheek. I sigh as I lean into his touch. "You're worth it to me."

Never in my life have I ever had words warm my heart. I've never been the type of girl to be interested in being in a relationship. I did have a boyfriend in college; his name was Peter. We dated for almost six months but I knew it wasn't going to last. At first, he was sweet and caring but quickly turned manipulative and controlling. I ended the relationship before I was caught in a situation I knew wasn't going to be enjoyable. But with Four it's different. He has this… this thing about him that just lures me in. I don't know what it is but I intend to find out more.

Instead of saying all that I press my lips to his. His arms wrap around my torso and he holds me tight. My fingers weave through his soft, short hair. We break apart and press our foreheads together. It's a soothing silence but it's shattered when my stomach growls. Loudly. Four laughs and I smile sheepishly.

"Are you hungry?"

I give him a closed-mouth grin. "Yeah, I think I am."

"Alright, let me cook you something." He removes me off his lap and seats me on the sofa.

His kitchen is connected to his living room so I can see him. "You know how to cook?"

"You seem surprised."

"Well, I dunno. Most guys don't like cooking."

"Well, maybe I'm not most guys." I arch an eyebrow and fold my arms. He gets the message. "Okay yes, in that sense I am. But am I not the most awesome boyfriend in the world?"

His words peek my interest. I get up from the sofa and slowly walk over to him. "If you're my boyfriend… then that means I must be your girlfriend." I step around the counter to stand in front of him.

He nods his head. "I have now made you my girlfriend."

I bite my lip and look down in order for him not to see my smile. "What if I don't want to be your girlfriend?"

"You have no choice." He presses his fingers under my chin causing me to face his deep blue eyes that are dancing with humor. "Besides, I think you'd enjoy me as a boyfriend."

I can't suppress the smile that grows on my face. "Okay, fine, I give in. So can my new boyfriend make me some food please?"

* * *

My eyes are fixed on the TV as I watch Daredevil on Netflix. Four quietly sits next to me. I don't think he's watching the show but it's getting too good to check what he's doing.

"How do you watch this?" He mutters. He must be talking about the scene that's on when Punisher slaughters the men in the jail.

"I just watch it."

"Funny." He gets up from the sofa and grabs the remote. "Why don't you want to watch the Notebook or something?"

"I don't like that movie. It's boring."

He chuckles beside me. "That's the first girl that I've heard say that."

"Surprised?"

"Very."

"Why? Is that how you got women to sleep with you?"

"That's just one of my techniques."

My eyes shoot to him to see he's smiling cockily at me. "You are disgusting!"

"Hey, I'm a one-woman kind of man now."

I make a disgusted sound with my mouth which makes him laugh. He snakes his arms around me. "No, leave me alone, I'm watching the show."

He comes closer to me and his lips find my neck. "The show can wait." His voice is husky and deep.

I inhale sharply and bite my lip as I try to concentrate on the show which is proving to be a rather difficult task with him. "Four…" He hums against my skin sending shivers down my spine. "Four just – " I sigh as he continues his rant of kisses.

"Did you say something?"

Words start to form but nothing escapes my lips as his hands start to trail. His hands find the hem of my shirt and he tugs on it. I should've known he was thinking about sex; he's a horny man. But I can't say it doesn't stir something up inside me as well. "Four… wait, wait." My breathing becomes precipitous as his hands and lips become hungrier. The words that were about to come to my mouth are interrupted by a moan.

At hearing this, Four immediately lies me down properly on the sofa. His lips find mine, his actions dominant. Not that I don't enjoy because I am… very much. But when his fingers slide downward I start to panic.

"Four. Four, stop." I breathe out. "Four please… stop."

He unwillingly brings his movements to a halt. "Are you okay?" He asks with concern.

Slowly I nod my head. "Yeah, I just…"

"It's okay. I understand."

His words bring me more relief than he realizes. Peter was never this way with me. I had to practically shove him off of me when I didn't like what he was doing. "Thank you. It means a lot."

"Do you want to stay over tonight?"

His words catch me off guard. "What?"

"It's already going to be midnight and I really don't want to drive across town to drop you home. I want you to stay here tonight."

"I can just take the bus or something."

"And I am definitely not letting you do that Tris."

I bite the insides of cheek as I ponder over my options, which happen to be limited. We've just but a label on our relationship and then he asks me to stay the night. Though, it's not like he's asking my hand in marriage. Although we haven't known each other very long, I've never felt safer with anyone else. Four is keeping me anchored in my life and I'm positively sure if he wasn't in it I would be drifting in the open seas of this world without a clue of where I'm heading.

"Yeah, I'll stay," I answer him. His face lights up in an immediate smile. "But I don't have a toothbrush or clothes."

"I have extra toothbrushes and I'm sure I can find something for you to wear."

"Okay."

* * *

After washing up and changing into one of Four's basketball shorts, I step out of the bathroom. Four is already in his bed, lying on his stomach and gazing at me.

"What?" I chuckle.

"Have I ever told you that you're the most beautiful woman in the world?" My cheeks become hot and I quickly avert his eyes hoping he won't catch my deep blush. "And you're even cuter when you blush."

I walk over to the bed and climb in. I press my head into his chest and his arm wraps around me protectively. "I'm not cute or beautiful," I grumble.

"I tend to disagree."

"You're just saying that."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night. But I know you are the one that's going to help me sleep tonight."

I snuggle deeper into his chest, treasuring the warmth I receive. I listen to his heartbeat, the rhythm enchanting me. My eyes start to feel heavy soon and it's becoming a strenuous task to keep them open.

"Go to sleep Tris, it's okay." His voice reassuring.

"Goodnight Four." That's the last thing I remember saying before sleep overcomes me.

* * *

The sunlight hits my eyes when I first open them. I squint and shield them with my hand to block out the light. Once my eyes have adjusted to the sun, I take in my surroundings. I shudder when I feel light breathing on my neck and turn to see Four's face buried in the crook of my neck, his arm still wrapped tightly around me. I smile at the sight of him, glad I was able to wake up to see him. My fingers run through his hair, the side of his cheek and down his arm. My nails skim his arms lightly and he stirs a bit.

"Good morning." My voice sounds lighter and more carefree than usual.

Again he stirs but this time, opens his eyes. I stare into his and he does the same. "Morning beautiful."

I blush and look away. "How did you sleep?"

"Better than most nights." He places his face back into my neck. "How about you?"

No nightmares is what I want to say to him but I can't let him know about that. "Best rest I've had in a while."

"I'm glad." He murmurs and I can tell he's falling back to sleep.

Then I come to a realization – Four doesn't have a job anymore. "Hey," I nudge him and he groans. "What about your job?"

"I'll have to contact my boss so that I can get transferred to a new location. That is if he's still alive."

I chuckle at how nonchalantly he says the last part. It's like it doesn't bother him in the least. "As much as I would love to stay, I still have a job."

"No, you can't go." He whines. "I want you to stay here."

"And so would I, but teen girls are missing."

"Okay, okay." He huffs. "But what if I made you the biggest, fluffiest banana pancake ever known to mankind?"

This peeks my interest and I turn my head to look at him. "Are you serious?" He nods. "Because if you're messing with me, this is a mean joke."

He smirks. "No Pigeon, I'm serious."

"Don't lie to me Four," I warn him.

"Tris I am not lying. Do you want one or not?"

Fifteen minutes later I'm watching the news while eating my banana pancake. Just like he said, he did make the biggest, fluffiest pancake known to mankind and it is delicious. As I devour my pancake, I watch the report on the bombing yesterday. Twelve injured and ten reported dead, one of them being Nita. Four sighs as he turns off the TV.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I speak, "I was watching that."

"And it's getting really depressing."

"Are you going to complain about everything I watch?"

"As long as you are in my apartment then, yes."

I glare at him. "You're such a douche sometimes, you know that?"

"Well aware," He smirks then looks at me. "But I'm your douche."

* * *

 **AN: I'm so sorry for being late on my update. I was out of town last week and I don't have a laptop to take with me whenever I go on trips. :/ But I hope that this fluffy fourtris chapter will suffice. I can't believe you guys actually thought I'd kill Four. I can't do that! I still have a wedding to plan with him. ;) And one of my reviewers asked what exactly happened in the last chapter so I will explain - a bomb was planted in the gym and exploded. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear enough. Thank you for the reviews and I appreciate those who fav/follow this story. It means the world to me. :D**

 **See you all in the next chapter!**

 **~Mal**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

I groan as the conversation between Amar and myself replays in my mind about Davidson. The police were not able to find anything on his computer and so, he's no longer a suspect in the investigation. It's been three weeks. Three weeks and I still have no lead on the case. I have tried every option I can think of. I still went to where Danny's house used to stand and asked around for anything that could help me in my quest and still nothing. Christina has been working just as hard as me and she hasn't found anything either. I only keep in contact with her when it's about the case but, at times, I can't help feeling thankful for being able to talk to her. I've assured John and Meghan that I am doing everything possible to find their daughter but they are having none of it. I don't blame them; I'm starting to lose hope in myself as well. Which leaves me in my current situation – quaffing my sorrows with a bottle of whiskey.

I'm about to put the bottle to my lips when there's a knock at my door. Sighing, I place it on my counter and shuffle through my apartment and to the door. Without even checking who it is, I open it. Now I wish I hadn't. Four stands there with a concerned look etched on his face. I don't want him to see me like this, not now. I look and feel like crap.

He steps inside my apartment without my consent. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I moan and lean my head on the door. "W-what are you…" I can't find it in me to finish my sentence.

"What am I doing here?" I nod. "I came to check on you. I haven't heard from you and it worried me."

I sigh and close the door. "Thanks." I walk back into the kitchen with Four on my tail. "I've just… I've been trying to figure this case out and nothing is working! I can't do _anything_ right anymore! These girls need help… and they're not getting any!" I scream out in frustration. I release a shaky breath, pressing my lips together. "I can't do anything anymore. I can't do it. I've tried but it's not working. The one lead I had walked right out of the police station, with no consequences. I've never, in my entire career, taken this long to solve a case. I don't know what to do."

"So is that what you do?"

"Do what?"

"You grab a bottle of booze and try to forget about everything?"

"Four I don't need – "

"Tris," He stands in front of me. His hand finds mine and he intertwines our fingers. "I don't like hearing you talk so negatively about yourself. You are an intelligent, beautiful, honest-hearted, stubborn, stingy, frustrating – "

"Okay, okay. I get it."

"Woman that I care about." He continues on, his hand cradling my cheek. "And I want to see you happy."

Looking him in the eyes I can tell he's telling the truth. I whimper and bury my face into his chest as he wraps his arms around me. "Why do you always make me feel guilty?"

"I'm actually kind of glad I have this effect on you." I breathe out a chuckle and embrace him as well. "Are you sure you've done everything you can think of?" I nod my head continuously. "Have you tried following the teacher?" I stop my movements.

I contemplate if I actually have as I let go of Four. And then, I realize I may have left an option out. "Oh, my god. How could I be such an idiot!" I scream in irritation.

He takes a few steps back at my sudden outburst. "You didn't do that?"

"No, I didn't."

"And I thought you were the private investigator." He mutters.

I eye him accusingly. "This is all _your_ fault!" I shove him. "If you hadn't been all soft and caring with me then I would be focused right now! But no, you just had to come along like a knight in shining armor and sweep me off my feet!"

A smirk plays out on his lips. "I swept you off your feet?"

 _Did I just say that?_

I roll my eyes and scowl. "Let's just go," I grumble.

* * *

Four taps repeatedly on the steering wheel as I look out his truck window. He agreed to aid me in my stalking of Davidson so now we're parked across the street from the school. It ended a while ago but most of the teachers and staff are still inside. I'm watching, on guard, with my camera ready just in case.

"Seriously?" I turn to Four, the beating that he creates is distracting and annoying me. He looks at me, clueless. "Can you stop that please?"

"What? I'm bored."

"Well, you're the one who agreed to come along with me."

"And if I knew it was going to be _this_ boring, I wouldn't have come."

"You're such a butthole," I grumble and turn back to the window.

He laughs. "Did you just call me a butthole?"

"Yes. Yes, I did." I face him. "You are a butthole, Horn Dog."

He chuckles through his smile. "I can't take you seriously when you call me a butthole and Horn Dog."

I huff and refuse to meet his gaze. I know I'm acting like a child right now, but it feels too good to stop. My face twists as I try to hold in my laughter due to Four trailing his fingers by the side of my ribcage where he _knows_ I am ticklish. "Four stop…" A small giggle breaks out. "Four, stop. I-I'm wor – " Before I can finish my sentence, I burst out in hysterics. "F-Four, please. Please!" I beg him as he tickles me mercilessly. Somehow during my fit of laughter, I end up in his lap attempting to pin down his arms. Finally, I'm able to restrain his arms at his sides. "I said stop!" I laugh.

"I wasn't doing anything." He says as if he's an innocent child.

"I tend to disagree."

"Really?" He mutters as his lips near mine.

"Yeah, it was a bit inconsiderate on your part." I smile when our lips finally touch. I peck him once. Twice. Three times. "Okay, seriously, I have a job to do."

"We'll finish this later."

I bite my lip and turn away. "I look forward to it."

Graciously, I slide into my seat and turn back towards the window just in time to see Davidson walk out the school doors. I pull out my camera and snap some photos of him. He holds his phone in one hand and his briefcase in the other. He starts his way towards his car and I'm able to take a few pictures of his license plate just in case. I notify Four to follow him but stay a few feet behind so that he won't get suspicious. Four does so perfectly. We follow him until he stops at a repair shop. That weird thing is, it looks worn down and almost deserted. That doesn't stop Davidson from stepping out of his car and walking to a fence towards the back of the shop. I make sure to take as many photos as possible.

"Marcos' Auto Repair." Four pronounces the name of the shop. "Why would he be coming here?"

I look around to find anything that may be out of the ordinary but nothing catches my attention. "I don't know. His car seems to be in perfect condition."

"Should we follow?"

"No." I shake my head. "I don't ever follow when I don't know what's happening. I need to do my research first."

* * *

I rub my temples attempting to relieve a headache that I can feel coming on. The computer screen and I seem to be having a staring contest with each other and I feel like it may be winning.

"You've been on there for quite a while." Four comes out of my kitchen with a plate of banana pancakes in his hands. "Don't you wanna eat?"

I thank him as he hands me the plate. "Yeah but right now I'm still trying to figure this thing out," I respond, placing the food to the side.

"Hey, I put my heart into those pancakes. You better eat it."

I smile at him. "I will." My smile fades as I turn back to the computer. "I just need to concentrate."

"Wanna tell me what you found?"

"Well, I looked up the auto repair shop Davidson stopped at to find out that it actually shut down over five years ago." I sigh. "But wouldn't the city or someone else have bought the property by now? No one would just leave a run-down auto repair shop like that, especially in this day and age. So I researched some of the properties around the neighborhood and they're all owned by the same owner." I gulp as I read the name that follows. "Cara Simmons. It's funny how all these have been bought accept for the repair shop."

"Okay Pigeon," Four rests his hands on my shoulders and starts to massage them. "I think it's time that you got some rest." I moan in pleasure as he continues to stroke my back and shoulders, relieving the built up tension.

"I know I just – "

I cut my sentence short as his lips find my neck. He trails kisses from my cheek to my collarbone to my chest that rises and falls.

"Do you still want to work?" He murmurs against my neck.

I smile at how easily he can distract me from everything else happening around us – even the things that have great importance. "No, I don't."

He distracts me, but I love it.

I may be falling in love with him.

* * *

 **Sorry for the repost of this chapter. I evidently forgot to correct my grammar and didn't add the line breaks. Tehe. But thanks for all the positive feedback on the chapter, though I am not sure if my reviews are going to be deleted with chapter nineteen. :/ I still love them though as well as those who fav/follow. They are such a big encouragement to me, so thank you! And of course, I love the PM's I recieve; I don't leave them out and I actually enjoy chatting with my fellow fanfictioners.**

 **Anywho, see you in the next chapter!**

 **~ Mal**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

My nerves seem to be in shambles as I approach the small yellow building. Its appearance is warm and friendly but it doesn't soothe me. Ignoring my emotions, I walk into the building and a bell announces my entrance.

"I'll be with you in a moment!" A voice calls out from behind the counter. A voice that I recognize. "How can I help you – " Cara stops in mid-sentence upon seeing me. "Tris?"

"Um, yeah." I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans. "I, uh, needed to talk to you."

Cara crosses her arms. "About?"

"It's about the properties that you've bought around this area."

She chuckles humorlessly and bites the inside of her cheek. "I should've known. I should've known you weren't here about Will." I can't meet her eyes when she says his name. "It's been over three years already and I haven't heard from you since his funeral. I've forgiven you for what happened. But I can't say I don't want to beat you down for being here right now asking about the properties that I've bought around town."

"Believe me, Cara, if it wasn't important, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Oh, I believe you."

Just her glare alone makes my blood boil. "You really think that you were the only one who was affected by Will's death?" Cara remains quite. "A lot of us have suffered. Put yourself in my shoes. Imagine seeing your friend get shot in the head because you told the murder to! How do you think you'd feel Cara? Or can you not imagine it because you're perfect? You sit on your throne thinking you're above everyone else. I knew you didn't like me from the day we met and trust me when I say that I hate your freaking guts." I smile through my pain. "But guess what? I've forgiven you for hating me. I forgive you. I'm not here for that, though. I'm here to talk the properties you bought around the area."

Cara mulls over my words and sways in her standing. "What'd you wanna know?"

"Marcos' Auto Repair. Do you know it?"

"Yeah. That's the abandoned shop that was bought around some of the properties I sold."

"Wait, wait. You _sold_ those six properties that you bought?"

She hums and nods. "I was… struggling with keeping things above water. I already owed money to the bank. I had considered letting some properties go when a man came in here and offered to buy all six properties from me. He seemed good enough so I sold it to him. He even bought the repair shop."

"Who was this man?"

"Um, some guy named Eric I think. I don't remember his last name."

"What did he look like?"

"He had tattoos all over his neck, a lot of piercings and his hair was slicked back with gel." A lump constricts in my throat when she describes the man. "But other than that, he seemed like the right man for the job."

"Did you find anything else on him? The company he worked for? An ID? Something?"

"He worked for this company called Lay Well. Supposedly, it's a start-up company that he made on his own. It's still a relatively small company that just came into play not too long ago. But he had all the right papers."

"When did you sell him the properties?"

"Around two months ago."

Two months. Around the same time the girls went missing. "Do you think I could somehow find where his business is located?"

"I'm not sure. He said that he's still in the process of making everything known to the public, although he said prefers to work on somewhat private terms."

My breathing becomes ragged as I try to process all of this information. "Is there anything else that he said?"

She considers my question before answering, "No,"

"Okay, was there anything strange that happened. Something that just seemed out of the ordinary?"

"Yeah. Not long after I made the deal with Eric, about two weeks later, a man came in here asking me if I had seen some teen girl around this area."

Her answer captures my attention. "Teen girl? D-did he give you a name?"

"Kimberly Gonzalez."

My head starts to pound and my heart rate increases with each passing second. "Is there anything else I should know? _Anything_?"

"He gave me his address and phone number and he told me to call him if I found anything on Kimberly."

"Where is it!" I shoot out. "Where's the address!"

"Um, hang on I'll be right back." She tells me and walks into the back.

Before I walked in here my nerves were shot but right now it feels like my whole body isn't functioning properly. I wasn't expecting for all my answers to be inside this office.

"Here it is." Cara steps towards me and hands me a piece of paper with an address and phone number written on it. "I kept it on my bulletin just in case I did find anything out."

I swallow thickly and gradually nod my head. "Thank you, Cara. This is just what I needed." I turn towards the door but before I can leave she calls me.

"Is there something I should be worried about? This seems like something big."

"If I were you, I wouldn't come into work for a couple of days," I tell her before walking out.

When outside, I jog up to Four's truck that's parked in the front. He stayed the night and insist that he accompany me on today's journeys. I agreed, he turns out to be a pretty good partner in crime. I open the door and slide into the seat. He looks up from his phone when he sees me. "How did it go?"

I smile nervously at him. "I think I'm going to be able to solve this case after all."

The width of his smile matches mine. "Are you serious?"

"I mean, I hope so. Cara was able to give me a lot of information about the case that I can use."

"What did she tell you?"

I pull up the scrap piece of paper from my back pocket and show it to him. "Do you know where this address is?"

He looks at the paper before nodding. "Yeah, but I'm going to have to stop for gas before we go by."

I fold the paper before stuffing it back in my pocket. "How is it that you know where everything is around here?"

It's not what he says that surprises me but how he says it that I find peculiar. His shoulders tense and his hands grip the wheel harder. His voice is sharp and frigid. "I've been living in Chicago for a long time."

I know by the tone of his voice that the conversation is over. Half an hour later we stop at a gas station to fill up the tank. Just before he gets out, Four turns to me. "Do you want anything? It's a far drive."

"No, I'm good. I'm gonna use the bathroom, though."

He bends his head in understanding before walking off.

I sigh in frustration as I get out of the truck. I wish he'd open up more to me, we have been dating for a little over a month. Then, on the other hand, I haven't been the most forthcoming person either. I guess it's just something that must've been hard for him. I can sympathize with him in that department. I wash the thoughts away as I splash water on my face before drying it with a paper towel. _I just need to be patient._

I walk out of the gas station, Four still inside. I'm about to head back to the truck when I overhear voices. Troubled voices. Being the curious person that I am, I follow the sound until it leads to the back of the gas station. There's nothing back here except for a dumpster, trees lined up that blocks any sort of outside view and pebbles as pavement. I don't see anything until a few people come into view. As I step closer I'm able to get a better look at the scene that lies ahead. A homeless man sits on the ground, holding his knees close and shaking as five men overlook him.

"Look, fellas. I-I don't have anything to give you." He whimpers.

"Liar." One of the men seethes before kicking the homeless man.

"Hey!" I shout and walk closer. All of the men turn to look at me. "Leave him alone!" The five men look at each other and nod their heads. Ignoring them I turn to the homeless man. "Get out of here," I tell him. Without a second thought, he scampers off. "Next time pick on someone your own size." I turn around and start walking away when something catches my arm. It squeezes it hard and I grit my teeth in pain and try to shake it off but the pain doesn't let up.

"Where are you going Tris?" One of the men ask.

I eye him and furrow my eyebrows. "How do you know my name?"

He brings his face closer to mine. "We know everything about you."

Before I can make a reply, he grips my neck tightly and shoves me against the brick wall. I groan loudly at the impact. My nails claw and his arms but nothing is working. His clutch becomes tighter and black spots start to cloud my vision. A wheeze breaks out as he lifts me higher, my feet inching off the ground. I must be hallucinating when I hear _him_ call my name. His voice comes closer but I can't respond. I fight the blurriness of my eyes and attempt to move but the farthest I'm getting is moving my legs. The rest of my body is starting to feel numb but out of the corner of my eye I see Four round the corner.

The next thing that happens passes by in a blur. All I can see is a raging Four grab one of the men by the head and bashing it into the wall. From what I can register, he isn't going to stop at that. Somehow I get the strength to raise my elbow and slam it into the man's arm repeatedly until I start to feel his grip loosen. When his hand starts to inch off my neck slowly, I'm able to adjust myself and elbow the man in the face. I fall to the floor, coughing and trying to breathe. The impact of the fall makes my hands scrape against the pebbles, the sharp stones digging into my palms. I open and shut my eyes, trying to fight off the black spots. Even though my vision is not at its peak I can still hear the sound of flesh against flesh and groaning.

Slowly raising my head, I see Four towering above the man, holding him by his collar as he lands his fist into his face. The others surround them on the ground. "Four," My hoarse voice croaks out. I stumble in my footing as I slowly rise from the ground. "Four, Four stop. Stop." My hand moves to my throat and I flinch when I feel how bruised it is. I overlook my discomfort and turn my attention to Four who still beats the man mercilessly. I whimper as I make my way over to him. "Four, please stop!" I raise my voice as high as my throat will permit but it's not much. I grasp his arms and he stops moving. His chest and back rise with his heavy breathing. I bury my head into his T-shirt and hold him close. "Stop, just stop. Please." He gradually turns around. My hands are still clasped to his arms and I stare at his chest. "Just… please. Please, stop." I try to contain the small whimpers that come out but it doesn't work when I see his hands. I cover my mouth to muffle a cry as I look at the body behind him. The man who attacked me is barely recognizable, his face covered in blood and swollen tremendously. "What did you do?" I whisper. Four doesn't answer. I turn to face him. "What did you do?"

"Tris." He reaches out to touch me but I step back.

"Is he…" I gulp painfully. "Is he dead?"

He shakes his head. "No."

Well, that gives me some relief. "I think we should go. I'll call the police."

"I'll wait in the car." Four turns on his heel and disappears.

I breathe in and out slowly and try to process what I saw. Four always had this aura about him that frightened me but intrigued me at the same time. What I saw today was something different. It was almost like he was possessed, but I know he was just blinded by anger. I just want to know why.

After calling the police, I wait for some time before they arrive. A man and woman step out of the car and walk towards me. They introduce themselves and start to ask me all the appropriate questions. I answer them all to the best of my ability, trying not to give the feeling that I am partially lying through my teeth. I explain to them that I saw these men attacking a homeless man and intervened. That's when they jumped me and one grabbed me by the neck. I tell them that a man came out of nowhere and ripped the others off me but I couldn't move and my vision was blurry so he left before I could do anything. The police buy my story. The woman asks me if I have a ride home and I answer saying that I had called my friend and he's waiting in the front for me.

"Alright, I want you to go home and lie down. Ask your friend if he can give you some honey to swallow and apply a hot wet towel over your neck. It doesn't look too bad but if the swelling doesn't go down I suggest you take a trip to the hospital." She smiles at me. "Be safe Tris."

Thanking her, I walk off in the direction of Four's truck. When I reach, I open the door and get in. He starts up the truck and drives in a thick gloomy silence. I keep my eyes trained ahead when I cut through the stillness, "I didn't tell them what happened. Not all of it. There were no cameras in the back, I checked. You're safe." I glance at his hands to see they've been washed, most likely in the gas station's bathroom. It's better for me anyway.

He doesn't verbally answer but only grunts in response.

I can tell just by the emptiness in the truck that we are both at loss for words. Who could blame us? I saw something in my boyfriend that I never saw before and he let his true colors show. At least I think they're his true colors. My whole entire mood has been ruined and all I want right now is a bottle of whiskey. He drives past town and I automatically know where he's going. I know we both need it. The narrow road and the trees that surround it become familiar and soon we're turning onto the dirt road. When we reach our destination he gets out of the truck. I almost think he's going to leave without me but my thoughts are silenced when he opens my door and offers me his hand.

"Come on," He says gently.

No matter how fearful I was by how he acted today, I don't hesitate in taking his hand. He holds it tightly as we make our way through the trees as if I'm an anchor holding him steady. We stride straight to our usual spot, the air frigid and our breathing visible.

He still holds my hand in his when he speaks, "I don't know what to say."

"And I don't know what to tell you." I let go of his hand and stand in front of him. "What… what happened to you?"

If I wasn't standing this close to him, I wouldn't have seen the small, troubled smile that appears on his face. "Did I ever tell you that have this thing about you that draws me to you?"

"No, you didn't." He's quiet and just stares straight ahead. "I just want to know why you did what you did."

"I didn't have the best childhood." His voice is quiet and composed. "Ever since I was young I remember what my father did. I remember him beating my mother all the time. But the thing is, he had no right. He'd come home drunk, the smell of cheap perfume-consuming him. My mother was a good woman; she'd put up with everything. The house was always clean, food was always waiting for him, clothes were ironed for his next day at work and all he could do was beat her for it. Sometimes he'd beat her so viciously that she'd be left in our living room or bathroom bleeding out." His Adam's Apple bobs up and down and he sighs. "I remember hiding under my bed when it would start. My room was upstairs but I still heard all the commotion, my mother's screams. I'd wait until he went to bed to help her. I use to clean her wounds to the best of my ability. She used to call me her little soldier when I did that." His voice wavers. "One time, though, he beat her and dragged her into the bathroom. I watched through my door. When he left for work I ran to her to find she was bleeding more than usual. I tried my best but it wasn't good enough. Blood just kept oozing out and she was drifting in and out of consciousness." He looks down at the ground and remains quiet for a while before looking back up. "She told me that she loved me and wanted to see me happy in life. Then she was gone. I was so angry. I was angry at my father for beating her, I was angry at her for leaving me but mostly, I was angry with myself for not trying harder. When my father came home, he yelled at me and demanded to know what I had done. Enraged, I told him that it was his fault she died so… he hit me. I was ten; that was the first time he did it. I was to remain silent about what happened and I did. He buried the body somewhere that I still don't know of to this day. I took over my mom's position in the house, cooking and cleaning at the same time of managing school. When he'd come home drunk, he had no one to take his anger out on but me. Belts, whips, all of it was used on my body. Sometimes he used to lock me in the closet for two or three days without letting me out. But before he did any of it, he used to tell me what he was doing was for my own good. It became a custom in my house. He'd come home and I'd be ready to take any blow that was to come." He stares at me, dead in the eye. "So you want to know why I did what I did. It was because you are the first thing to happen in my life that has brought me joy in a very long time. I didn't want to lose you."

I'm at a loss for words. My blood boils at the thought of Four seeing his mother covered in blood or he himself being beaten by that poor excuse of a father. All I can do is bring him into a hug. I embrace him, his face buried in my neck and my hand resting against the back of his head. I don't' want to pity him; that's not what he needs. Then again, I don't really know what he needs at a time like this. I just hope that me listening and being here for him will suffice.

"Believe it or not there is more to the story."

Letting go of him, I gaze at him with furrowed eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I love that curious mind of yours." He smirks. "You remember the Dauntless gang right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I was Dauntless."

Somehow, someway, I choke on my saliva and cough a couple of times. "Y-you what?"

"I was a Dauntless member." He must see the confused look on my face so he continues. "When I turned eighteen I left the house. I went to live with Uriah, his brother Zeke, and their mother Hannah. They were the first _real_ family I had. Us three boys were inseparable, always finding things to do. It was when I turned twenty that I left and got my own place. I was alone and vulnerable. That vulnerability led to a wanting; to belong to something. To want that feeling of being important. So I joined Dauntless. I became their best member and that feeling of being important was filled… but it was short lived. I reunited with Zeke in Dauntless and he wasn't doing so good either. We made a plan to leave Dauntless and find some normalcy in our lives because what they were becoming was not what we had signed up for. They had turned into Chicago's own terrorists and I wanted no part of that. But leaving and staying hidden wasn't that simple. A few months after we left, I heard that Dauntless had been taken down with the help of a certain private investigator named Tris Prior. I couldn't have been more thankful." He grins at me but it quickly fades. "The reason I didn't tell you was because I was afraid of what you might think."

"I'm kind of hurt that you'd think I'd be that shallow." I smile at him. "Four, I'm glad you told me. I would never judge you for what you did in your past."

"So you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you." I step closer to him. "The thing that scares me is that I don't think I could ever _not_ forgive you."

He pressed his lips to my forehead. "Thank you, Pigeon."

Before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth, they're out in the open. "I killed him."

Now it's his turn to look at me perplexed. "What?"

It's too late to turn back now. I have to tell him. "I had been following the Dauntless gang back then. I was stealthy too. At their meetups, or whatever they were, I was there too. I had gotten some photos and information of their whereabouts and threatened to release it to the public. That's when they captured me. They brought me to a warehouse…" My voice cracks. "Max asked me where all of my research was but I didn't let up. I already had the police waiting outside to ambush them. Then they bought Will out. I tried to play it off and it worked." Tears flood my eyes and I bite my lip. "I told him to pull the trigger. I told him that I didn't care about Will. The image of him being shot will forever be engraved in my mind. I killed Will. I killed him. I killed my best friend's boyfriend. After that, I didn't talk to her. We lost touch until recently when I reached out to her for help on the case. Even after three years, I still haven't forgiven myself for what I've done, even though everyone else has." I look up at Four through my glassy vision. "So don't think that you are the only one who has inner demons of their past. Because you're not."

His hands cup my face and he brushes away the tears that have silently fallen. "Tris, you didn't kill him. You did _not_ kill Will. You didn't pull that trigger."

"But I did in a way. I should've told him. It wouldn't have mattered anyway."

"Knowing Max, he would've pulled the trigger either way. You couldn't have done anything. What happened, happened. It's in the past now. You have to move forward, go on with your life because if you keep dwelling on what happened then you're not going to do yourself any good. Tris, I don't want to see you dig yourself into a hole that you can't get out of."

"Can you help me?"

"Tris – "

"Four, can you help me? I need your help with this. I can't fight it alone."

His lips meet mine in a tender caress. I sigh in alleviation now knowing that we've told each other everything. Our darkest secrets are in each other's hands and we both know that there is no safer place they could be. We break apart, breathless, as we stare into one another's eyes.

"I'll help you fight." He speaks softly. "If it's the last thing I'll do. I will help you fight this."

* * *

Both of us lay in the comfort of his bed, the sheets covering us. I wear his basketball shorts and my tank top and he has on sweats and a T-shirt. We're both exhausted from today's events but still somehow manage to never grow old of glimpsing at one another.

"Can I see your scars?" I ask quietly. "If you want to show me," I add quickly.

He dips his head and maneuvers himself to peel off his shirt. I grin seductively when I see his toned stomach. My hands glide over it and he gently leans back down on the bed smiling at me. My hands gradually move from his stomach to his back. I feel lumps when I brush over it. I sit up in my positioning to get a better vantage point and what I find both angers and amazes me. You can see the scars scattered all over his back, ranging in size – this is the part that angers me. But covering those scars is a work of art. Ink races across his skin, covering almost every inch of it and down his spine are different symbols.

"What do these stand for?" I trail my fingers over the figures.

"My mom used to tell me myths about how mankind used to live. Each symbol represents a trait or quality. The flame represents bravery, the hand's selflessness, the scales honesty, the eye intelligence and the tree kindness." The way he looks at me as he says this makes my heart melt. "I don't want to be just one thing… I can't be. She told me that mankind divided into these groups, these factions, because they believed that different qualities were responsible for the world's disarray."

I smile. "How did the story end?"

"They were able to make peace and the faction system was removed. One warrior made that possible. The warrior fought diligently and although she died in the end, her actions changed mankind."

"I'm sure your mother based that story off of you Four." I laugh.

"Tobias."

"What?"

He smiles at my puzzlement. "Tobias, that's my real name." He pauses for a moment. "Tobias Eaton."

My mouth falls agape at his statement. Did he just tell me his real name? This must be a joke. "Tobias… that's your name?" He nods. "Tobias Eaton?"

He chuckles at my repeated question. "Yes Tris, that's my name."

I beam at him and crush him in a bone-hug, me laying on top of him. _Tobias_. His name echoes in my mind, engraving itself voluntarily. He's opened up to me so much in these past few hours; he's given himself into my hands as have I. "I love it! Your name I mean. Why did you tell me? Where did you come up with the name Four?"

Pushing a lock of hair behind my ear he speaks, "I trust you. Four came from me being in Dauntless, we never went by our real names to avoid being caught by the police."

"Well, thank you for telling me _Tobias_ ," I smirk but my facial expression soon grows serious. I hesitate in asking him a question that has been toying with my mind, but I go forward with it anyways. "Whatever happened to your… father?"

"He died of a heart attack two years ago. I'd have to say that was one of the best days of my life."

I chuckle at his response. Rolling off of him, I cuddle into his side.

"Goodnight Tris."

"Goodnight Tobias."

Tobias Eaton is indeed a very lovely name. Tobias Eaton is also the name of the man I have fallen in love with.

* * *

 **I hope you've enjoyed this chapter! The feels... the feels are real! But, just enjoy the fourtris while you can. :) Anyway, a very _big_ thank you to those who followed and favorited my story or myself as an author as well as to those who reviewed. Guys, you may get tired of me saying this but those reviews mean the _world_** **to me. Seeing you support makes me feel better and more confident about my writing. So please, even if you don't have an account with FanFiction, leave a review; constructive criticism is excepted as well! And... do you think we can make it past 100 reviews before chapter 25? ;)**

 **Oh, and one of my dear guests asked when I update. My updating schedule is every Monday. I try to stick to that schedule to the best of my ability and update when I can, but sometimes it just doesn't work out. But yes, every Monday expect an update. :) You guys are awesome!**

 **See you all in the next chapter!**

 **~ Mal**


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

"Yes Uri, for the last time I am positive Four is taking care of me." I sigh into my phone. "No, you don't need to give him the talk!" I hiss quietly as Uriah mentions 'the deed.' "What, no! No, we haven't… done anything. I don't want to have this conversation with you." I shake my head disbelievingly as I start to pace the room, my cheeks growing red. "No, I don't need protection from you. Uriah, I'm going to hang up the phone now. I-I'm hanging up. it's a bad connection. Okay, yup, I'm losing you. I'm gonna go now. Goodbye."

I hang up my phone with a sigh of relief. Stuffing my phone in my jacket pocket, I press my hands to my cheeks to find them burning. _Damn you Uriah! Why does he have to be so immature!_ I'm just hoping Four didn't hear anything.

Tobias startles me when he enters his room. "Ready to go?"

I jump a little and pray that he didn't hear the last of Uri's and I conversation. "Uh, yeah. I'm ready."

He smirks and walks out of the room and that frightening feeling of him hearing the conversation settles in my stomach.

Two and a half hours later, Tobias and I pull up to a house in the middle of nowhere. Trees engulf us and no cars pass by the cramped road behind us. An eerie feeling crawls on my skin as we approach the house. It's in havoc; the grey paint chipping, rust consuming the garage door, trash littered on the lawn, and many other things that make this house seem unapproachable. But when we near the door, a nauseating smell fills our noses.

"What the hell is that?" Tobias asks quietly.

"I have no idea, but it smells like someone died." Ignoring the smell, I knock on the door. It creaks open without anyone standing behind it and the odor hits us harder. "Um, Mr. Munoz? I-I'm here about your daughter Kimberly." I call out. There's no answer. "Mr. Munoz?" When no one answers again I open the door wider and hesitantly step inside. I scrunch my nose at the distasteful stench.

There's a staircase at the front of the door that looks like it'll fall apart at the slightest touch. A hallway lays out in front of us and there's a separate room to the right. Deciding that it is closest I walk towards the room. There're pictures of Kimberly and her parents lined up on the walls from over the years. One thing for certain is that Danny does love his daughter. The smell becomes worse as I walk deeper into the house and I'm almost considering turning back, but something's telling me to keep going. When I round the corner I survey what happens to be the living room but when my eyes land on the floor I gasp.

"Oh my God."

Tobias comes up next to me and is deadly silent.

Danny's body is sprawled out on the ground, lying on his back, blood soaking the rug and wood. I feel like regurgitating what I ate for breakfast when I see his arms missing from the rest of the body and sitting a few feet away from him.

"I'll check the rest of the house," Tobias says.

I can only nod in return. I approach the body slowly and carefully, careful to avoid as much blood as I can. There're human insides spilling out from where his missing limbs are as well as lacerations all over his stomach, ripping his shirt. I bend down, still hovering above the floor, and look closer at him. Suddenly his eyes open and he jolts swiftly making me jerk in shock.

"H-h-help he-her." He stutters, his breathing scabrous.

"Help who?"

"K-Kimberly."

"What happened? Do you know where she is?" His breathing starts to slow down. "Where is she? Where is your daughter?"

"A-auto re-repair shop." He chokes out.

"Tobias! Tobias!" I yell and stand up.

"H-help her." Is Danny's last words before his body becomes still.

Tobias enters the room frantically. "What happened!"

Passing him, I rush towards the exit. "We have to go."

"Where?"

"The auto repair shop."

* * *

The drive back was shorter due to Tobias going high above the speed limit. I'm just thankful we didn't get pulled over. I unbuckle my seatbelt as we pull up to the auto shop. "Stay here," I tell Tobias.

He catches my arm before I have a chance to jump out. "I'm not letting you go in there alone."

"I'll be fine."

"You're not going alone."

"Tobias –"

In response, he gets out of the truck. I sigh and close the truck door before walking to Tobias' side. We jog to the back of the shop, exactly where we saw Davidson go. There are broken car parts scattered across the pavement we walk on. There's a gate up ahead but it's closed and has a black cloth draped across it, covering the view of the other side. When we approach it I can hear voices, distinctly male. Silently I make my way towards the gate, Tobias a few feet behind.

"Seventy-five dollars." A man's voice speaks.

"Seventy-five dollars! I'm only getting one visit." Another says.

"You want to see her and have a good time? Then pay up."

I find a small hole in the fabric and tear it open wider so that I can see better. A man sighs and pulls out a wallet from his back pocket. Opening it, he hands the other man money.

"Step up ahead to get checked." The man who received the money orders.

Another man comes into view and starts to search the man before he is granted access to continue ahead.

I walk back over to Tobias. "Drop your phone."

"Why?"

"Cause we're going in."

After Four dumps his phone and I stuff mine in my bra, I rattle the gate. Moments later I hear footsteps approach.

"Who is it?"

"Someone who's here to have a good time."

There's silence before the gate starts to slowly creep open. A man stands there dressed in all black with sunglasses on even though it's not sunny out. "Get inside." I oblige and step inside. "Who's this?" He gestures to Tobias.

"I don't know him."

"I'm here for the same reason she is." He nods his head in my direction. "I'm sure as a fellow man you can relate."

The man chuckles. "I surely can. We got some good ones this time." He turns to me. "I don't know if she can relate, though."

I smirk. "I have a different taste you could say."

He sneers and walks in my direction, slapping my rear end in the process. "I like girls like that."

I swallow down my anger before giving him a small smile. "Maybe we could… hang out sometime?"

"I'd like that." He grins maliciously. "How many you come to see?"

"Just one. How much is it?"

"Seventy-five."

I take out my wallet and give him the exact amount. He tells me to walk ahead to get searched. The same man comes up and starts the process. When he reaches my breasts he hesitates slightly. I arch an eyebrow. "Don't even think about it."

He puts his hands up in surrender before stepping off allowing me to go forward. I linger a little to wait for Tobias and see he's just finishing up being searched. With a stern face, he approaches me. "I wanted to break that man's face." He mutters.

"I'm sure you would."

As we walk another man comes into view.

"How many?" He asks.

"One."

"Keep walking straight and head into one of the rooms."

I nod at him and follow his directions. It's then I notice that all the men have walkie-talkies strap to their belt as well as a gun. Ignoring my oncoming nervousness, I look ahead. Because of this property having a broad land space, it seems that whoever purchased it built some kind of attachment. It's a lengthy rectangular shaped building with doors built inside; no doubt this is where they're keeping them. There're no more men so Tobias and I walk side by side. My heart thumps inside my chest as I near the building. There are windows also so I look inside one. The man who came before us pins a teenage girl to the bed with one hand as the other explores her body. I cover my mouth and stare in disbelief.

"Tris," Tobias calls out quietly. I turn to him slowly, my hand's shaking. He stands in front of an open door. "Over here." I slowly walk towards him. "Isn't this Kathy?"

Looking inside the room, a girl sits on the bed in a ripped T-shirt and shorts hugging her knees and tears rolling down her face. Kathy. "Please, please. S-stay away from me." She cries.

I walk into the room. "Kathy, hi. My name is Tris Prior. Your parents, John and Meghan, they hired me to come find you. I'm a private investigator and I'm here to take you home."

Her tears start to pour down harder. "I'm going home?"

"Yeah, you are. But you have to be brave for me and cooperate, okay?"

She nods repeatedly. "What about the others? What about Kimberly? We can't leave them here."

"The cops will be here but for now where is Kimberly?"

"Two rooms down."

"Can you walk Kathy?"

"Yes, but it hurts."

"That pain is only temporary. Let's get you out of here." I open my arms to her and she limps into them. I hold her close as we walk out the door but she flinches when she sees Tobias which would be any normal reaction with what she's been through. "Which door?"

"The last one."

Tobias rushes ahead of us and opens the door. I lean Kathy against the wall outside and jog inside. _And I thought this day couldn't get any worse._ Quickly I take out my phone and start to snap pictures of the scene that sits in front of me. Kimberly lies in the bed, in nothing but a bra and underwear and shaking like an earthquake. After I've taken enough photos, I run to the side of the bed. Her skin is breaking out in sweat even though she's as cold as ice. I brush some hair from her forehead. "Kimberly? Kimberly, can you hear me?"

She mumbles something incoherent and then starts whimpering.

Tobias walks around to the other side of the bed and in one swift move he takes off his coat and wraps her in it. "We need to go now. She's been drugged." Carefully, so as not to hurt her further, he hoists her off the bed.

I know I shouldn't be thinking this at the moment but… seeing him do that may have me a tad bit turned on. Just a tad.

When outside, I take Kathy back in my arms and we gradually make our way back the way we came, though being on alert. What we find odd though is that none of the men are present. It doesn't feel right. But knowing that we have an emergency on our hands, we continue. It's only when I start to open the fence that we hear running footsteps behind us. I turn to see the men running our way, guns aimed at us.

Tobias pushes Kathy and me through the gate while simultaneously holding Kimberly. That's when the sound of gunshots goes off. I start to drag Kathy but still keep in mind that she doesn't have the ability to run. On the way, I pick up Tobias' phone that he had left before we walked in. I do this to prevent them from somehow tracking us. The sound of gunshots become louder and I feel the sound ringing in my ear. I jog around the side of the truck when we reach and carefully open the door. Kathy gets in as fast as she can and I follow. Tobias comes around and slides Kimberly in so that her head in resting in my lap. Shutting the door, he climbs into the driver seat. The windshield cracks from the bullets still being fired and I hold both Kathy's and my own head down, blocking any sort of contact with the glass and bullets. Tobias reverses the truck, making a sharp turn and speeds off, leaving the men behind us.

Once I'm sure we've gotten far away enough I lift my head. I pull out my phone and look over at Kathy to see she's staring at Kimberly with tears in her eyes. "Hello? Yes, I need a squad of policemen now."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

My leg bounces up and down as I sit back in the hospital waiting room chair. My nerves are still jittering from what happened today and moving is the only thing that helps. I was pacing back and forth but Tobias sat me down telling me he was getting a headache watching me. I had called in before we arrived at the hospital to ask them to prepare two rooms, then called Kathy's parents and Kimberly's grandmother.

"Here you go." Tobias walks up to me and hands me a Styrofoam cup before sitting down on the chair next to my side.

"Coffee? Do you really think I need _coffee_ right now?" I turn to him.

"Well, I don't know." He shifts in his seat. "You're starting to really freak me out."

I chuckle and lay my head on his shoulder. "What you did today was amazing." We both know that I don't have to specify what I'm talking about. "You were a part of something that wanted to only rein terror and chaos. I know that you still have a part of them inside you, I've seen it." I turn to look at him. "But what you did today was very… Dauntless of you. In the best type of way."

His eyes scan over every inch of my face. "I am absolutely positive," He speaks while pushing my blonde hair behind my ear. "That you would've survived in Dauntless."

I smile at him. "Is that I complement?" I ask while chuckling.

He shrugs. "Depends on how you look at it."

The words almost slip out of my mouth but I manage to hold them back. I don't want to scare him off or ruin what we have. We haven't known each other long enough for others to think I'd be in the "love stage". But I don't care what anyone else thinks or has to say. I know what I know. And I'm certain that I am in love with Tobias.

Moments had passed before John and Meghan rushed into the room, frantic in their speaking and way of acting. When they saw me, they ran up to me asking me all sorts of questions that I didn't understand. I had to assure them that Kathy was being treated and would be able to have visitors shortly. It was rather difficult, but I was able to tame the couple until they were able to see their daughter. When the doctor had told them they were allowed to see Kathy, Meghan and John rushed into her room. I was standing outside, Tobias still in the waiting room, when I heard the sobs of joy erupt from the family. Inviting me inside, they thanked me over and over again, even mentioning how much to pay me. For the first time in any case I've ever had, I told them that it was free of charge.

Because it was getting late, Tobias and I left but the hospital did call and tell me that Rosemary had come to see her granddaughter. She was just as ecstatic as Meghan and John but of course, since Kimberly was in worst shape, she had to wait to see her.

All I needed to do was call Amar to see if the police found anything at the auto shop, after all, there were still girls there. But when we got to Tobias' apartment, he distracted me from that. His hands and lips were all over me, and mines were just as eager. Although we didn't go all the way, we did engage in several _heavy_ make-out sessions. I'd have to say that was the best part of my day.

* * *

I smile when I see Uriah approach me. I hug him when he's close enough. I feel like I haven't seen him in years, with being caught up in the case and Tobias. We walk and talk in our favorite park, my energy level seeming to be higher than usual. Maybe the fact that this case is finally closed is the reason I'm overjoyed. Of course, Uri being Uri, he inquired if Tobias and I had sex to which I told him we hadn't done anything.

"Well, he must've done something." He mutters.

I'm about to respond to his comment but my phone rings. Digging into my back pocket, I answer it. "Hello?"

"Tris, is this Tris Prior?" A voice asks.

"Uh, yes. Who is this?"

"This is Amar from the police station."

"Oh Amar, I was going to – "

"Tris, you need to listen to me." His voice sounds frantic. Now that I listen closely, there're police sirens in the background and the sound wind gushing making vibrates in my ear. "We had gotten the call from you to send a police squad to the auto shop. We did and were able to recover the girls but in the process, some of the men got away."

My heart drums in my chest. "W-what do you mean some of the men got away!" I yell into the phone.

"Tris, where are you?"

"Millennium Park, why?"

"You need to get out of there. We have reason to believe that the men might be targeting you. You need to leave and get to the police station now."

An itchy feeling crawls up my spine and into my skin. My eyes search every inch of the park to try and find someone or something that might give evidence to what Amar is saying but I find nothing. Uriah keeps asking me what's happening but I don't answer him. I'm about to respond to Amar and tell him that everything is fine but my sentence gets stuck in my throat when I see them snaking their way through the crowd. Dressed in all black, it's easy to distinguish the three men from the rest of everyone else. My hands trembling, I grab onto Uriah's arm and begin to drag him.

"Amar!" I scream into the phone, scaring myself. "Amar, they're here! They're here!"

"Tris, I need you to get out of there. Don't draw attention to yourself, blend in with the crowd. We're almost there."

I do as Amar says and walk with the crowd, not against it. A fear runs through me but I try not to let it show. I don't know how I'm able to move, I feel as light as air and just want to disappear but I keep going. My phone is still connected to Amar, and I keep it close to my ear. Uriah keeps bugging me about what is wrong with me but I don't say anything in return. As we continue walking, I start to make out another group of men making their way towards us but that would be impossible, they were behind us. At the wrong time, my eyes lift and meet one of the men's. Nudging one of the other's next to him, he raises his hand to air, his fingers wrapped around a gun.

 _This isn't good._

Gunshots go off, the sound erupting through the air. People scream and run in different directions, scattering like roaches. More gunshots go off and I see one hit the tree we stand next to.

Grabbing Uriah's arm more forcefully I begin to run. "Amar, where are you!"

"We're rounding the corner now."

Out of fear, I drop my phone to cover my head as bullets fly past me. Uriah pulls me forward and we continue to dart through the group of people. I groan as I hit someone, both of us tumbling to the ground. The man I crashed into scatters up from the ground without lending me a helping hand. With my legs shaking, I manage to stand.

"Tris!" Uriah shouts and I have the familiar feeling of being knocked off my feet. But at the same time I'm able to hear gunshots.

 _One gunshot._

Then a groan.

 _Two gunshots._

Another groan.

 _Three gunshots._

Nothing.

There's yelling and police sirens going off so I keep my head lowered, my forehead pressed into the dirt. The gunshots come to a close but there's still yelling. What I realize, is that I don't hear Uriah. I know he'd be dragging me up from the ground by now but nothing happens. Lifting my head slowly, I can still make out figures running, though the glare of the sun blinds most of my vision. I press my palms to the ground and rise to sit on my knees. My mouth falls open when I see him. He lies on the ground, still; no movements detected. I whimper his name and crawl over to him. A wail erupts from deep within me and tears form in my eyes at the sight of him.

"Uriah, Uriah." I cradle his face with my hands. His eyes are still on mine and his breathing comes out in rough patches. There's blood outlining his clothing, his shirt soaked with red. I press my hands to his chest to contain his blood flow but he's already lost too much. "Uriah! Uriah, please! Please, Uriah don't leave me!" I choke out and push harder on his chest.

I feel a light touch against my arm and find Uriah's fingertips grazing it. He smiles at me. I can tell it takes every inch of his strength to hold up his arm. At first I think that he's going to grab my own arm, but instead, he slowly reaches his pinky out. "Pr-prom-promise me you'll l-live yo-your life."

"What?" I breathe out.

"Promise me." He says through gritted teeth. "P-promise me you w-won't let thi-this get to you. Please." His pinky still hangs in the air.

My pinky connects with his. "I promise." I smile but it soon fades. "But you need to stay with me."

"I-I don't make promises I can't keep."

* * *

I sit in the chair of the emergency room, my body limp. It was just yesterday when I was here, thrilled to have found Kathy and Kimberly. But today is a different story. Today I feel weak and vulnerable. My best friend was shot, and I didn't do anything about it.

"Tris." A voice speaks softly. I look up and am met with a concerned Tobias. He sits down beside me and I immediately lock my arms around his neck as his wrap around my waist. "The police called me."

Tears form in my eyes. "Uriah was shot. He was shot right in front of me and I didn't do anything."

There's the sound of heels clicking against the tile floor, they sound urgent. I peek out from being wrapped in Tobias' arms and see Christina staring at me. Her eyes are red and puffy as if she's been crying. "Tris? Tris, what happened? What happened to Uriah?"

Images flood my mind of finding him on the ground, blood soaking his shirt, me pressing down on his chest and crying out his name. It all hits me at the same time and it's too much to bear. My body starts to shake and I can't stand the sight of Christina anymore, so I bury my face in Tobias' shirt.

"Uriah Pedrad?" There's a doctor standing at the entrance of a hallway, clipboard in her hands that her eyes are glued to.

Breaking free from Tobias' grasp I walk over to the woman. "Yes, that's us." I gesture to Tobias and Christina. "How is he?"

The doctor smiles ever so slightly. "As you could imagine he lost a lot of blood. But there was also a collapsed lung which was punctured." Her face becomes remorseful and she casts her eyes downward. "I'm so, so sorry… but he didn't make it."

There's a tightening in my chest that hits me like a ton of bricks. It squeezes so tightly that I can barely make out my next words, "Your lying." My cracks. "He's not dead. Uriah isn't dead."

She shakes her head.

"Your lying! Tell me your lying!" Christina, who stands beside me, covers her mouth to muffle a cry. "Uriah isn't dead!" I'm gently pulled aside by Tobias. He turns me around to face him but tears are on the verge of spilling out, making it difficult to see. "Tell me he's not dead. Uriah can't be dead." I don't even bother to stop the tears that pour out. Tobias wraps his arms around me and presses my head into his chest. "Please, please tell me he's not dead!" Sobs wrack my body and fist my hands into his shirt.

No matter how many times I beg or scream for someone to tell me he's not dead I know no one won't. Because Uriah is dead.

My best friend is dead.

Uriah is dead.

And it's all my fault.


	23. Chapter 23

**Fair Warning: Brace yourselves...**

* * *

 **Chapter 23**

A week has passed since Uriah's death. As anyone could imagine, I haven't taken it easy. Night after night, for seven days, I have drowned my pain, my guilt and my sorrow in different bottles of booze. Whichever is the strongest, it becomes my crutch. I want the pain to go away, it's too much for me to cope with. The alcohol only goes so far. When I get drunk, I'm in another world. I'm in a paradise where nothing gets to me or daunts me. But I always have to wake up and start right back at the beginning. What I want to do is crawl into a hole and die. I wish I would've been the one to get shot instead of Uriah. I wish I was the one who would've died.

The sound of knocking at my door breaks the comfortable silence that looms in my apartment. I look up from the picture of Uriah and I wondering who would want to be bothering me. I gently place the picture on the table and get up from my chair. Before making my way to find out who's knocking, I grab the bottle of whiskey that sits next to the picture frame. When I start to walk my head spins in circles and I find it hard to distinguish my left from my right. But eventually, I reach the door and open it. Tobias stands there, in his black coat looking as handsome as ever. He's the _last_ person I wanted to see.

"W-what do you want?" I ask, my voice sounding harsher than I intended.

"I haven't heard from you in a couple of days and you weren't at his funeral today. I wanted to check on you."

"I thought I told you I wasn't going."

He steps into the apartment and shuts the door. "That's what you said, but I didn't know if it was true."

I smile sarcastically at him. "Well, I think you've gotten your answer now."

"Are you drunk?" He asks, eyeing me. I take a swing of the bottle of whiskey as an answer. He scoffs. "What are you doing to yourself?"

I walk away from him and into the kitchen. "You have your way of dealing with grief and I have mine."

"You're not dealing with anything!" He snatches the bottle from my hands.

"Give it back!" I yell. I attempt to grab the bottle from his hands but my efforts prove worthless. Tobias pushes past me and heads into the kitchen. Turning the bottle over, he drains the whiskey down the sink. "What are you doing!"

The bottle clatters against the sink as he tosses it. "Why are you drinking so much?" His eyebrows knit together. "And don't tell me the obvious."

I chew on my bottom lip and screw my eyes shut to hold back the tears. "It's my fault." My voice is quiet and frail as I speak. "Uriah is dead because of me."

"Is that what you think?"

"That's what I know, Tobias!"

"You couldn't have known they would've followed you to that park."

"No, it's not just…" I groan in frustration. "That wasn't the first time they followed me. They had started threatening me, telling me to stay away from Kathy. Then the bombing at your job and the attack at the gas station. It was all them."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tobias steps closer. "Why didn't you tell the police?"

"I didn't want anyone else to get hurt. I thought I could deal with it on my own, but I couldn't. You were always around and I found it extremely difficult to concentrate on anything. But yet, I went on with everything." I look him in the eyes. "And that caused Uriah's life. I didn't do anything to save him."

"What could you have done Tris?"

"Something, anything, to have my best friend right here beside me! Why don't you understand that? I lost my best friend! Don't you get how that feels!"

"Do you really think you're the only one who lost a loved one?" He asks but it's more of a statement. "Did you forget that Uriah was my family? Did you forget that he was my _family_? When I had nothing I had them Tris! You're not the only one who is grieving! But at least I'm not being selfish."

"And I'm selfish! Tell me, Tobias, please tell me how the hell I am being selfish!"

He opens up the cabinets and lays out all the bottles of liquor on the counter, slamming each one. "All of this Tris! This is what I am talking about!" He slams the cabinets shut. "Every time a challenge comes your way, all you do is drink. You're a drunk!"

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I know I have problems!"

"It's not just you Tris. You are hurting everyone around you whether you see it or not! Everyone who loves and cares about you is being effected by your actions. They're selfish. You've pushed people away and I have seen it with my own eyes." He walks over to the table and picks up the framed picture of Uriah and I. "Do you think that Uriah would've wanted you to do this? Do you think he would've wanted you to lock yourself in this apartment and drink your life away?"

Images flash in my mind of Uriah bleeding out, begging me to live my life but I push it aside. Instead, anger flares inside me. "You have no right to say anything about that!" I step in front of him. "Will died because of me! Uriah died because of me! All the people I care about are dying because of me!" My eyes flood with tears but I force them to stay put. "And it will continue to happen. That's why I am telling you to leave!" I immediately regret my choice of words. That's not what I meant, but yet, it's true. I can't have anyone love me, or myself being able to love anyone else.

"What?" Tobias asks quietly.

I shut my eyes and swallow thickly. Opening them, stare at his chest. "You need to go now. I can't have you around me."

His fingers lift my chin up, forcing me to look at him. "Tris what are you saying?"

"I can't have you here. I can't be with you." My voice is powerless, and I don't even recognize my own words. It seems so effortless to express the words but it weighs down my heart. I want him here. I want him to always be around me, to be with me. I want his touch, his lips, every inch of him. But not at the cost of bringing him sorrow. "You don't deserve me. You deserve someone better than me. Like you said, I have issues. I have severe problems that won't ever go away and it would be best if you left now. Before things get serious."

 _Too late._

"You don't know what I deserve. That will be my right to choose who I want to be with and love."

"Please, just go." A sob breaks through my voice. "I need you to leave."

Tris –"

"Just go already!" Finally, I meet him in the eyes. What I didn't expect was for them to show nothing but hurt. His deep blue eyes, the ones that made me relieved or flooded my body with love, those eyes are agonizing. I can't look at him any longer.

He draws a shaky breath. "Is that what you want?"

"Yes."

 _No._

"Alright then, I'll go."

More tears flow from my eyes but I don't let him see. Heat radiates through my body as his lips connect with my forehead. I screw my eyes shut and my throat burns from holding back my cries. Feeling his touch makes this more torturous than it already is.

"I'll go." He murmurs.

Where there was once heat is now empty. I feel his body leave from in front of me. I wrap my hands around my arms to brace myself from tipping over. "Don't come back," I whisper but I know he hears me.

"Whatever you want." He says simply. That's the last of his voice I hear before the door shuts behind him.

There's a stillness in the air, the world seeming to have stopped rotating. I can contain them no longer. The tears fall and I start to hyperventilate. My chest tightens and it feels as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I'm sure this feeling is worse than death itself. My fingertips wrap around the top of the vodka bottle and I hold it for dear life. Letting out angered scream, I fling the bottle across the room. It hits the wall and shatters into microscopic pieces, the liquid oozing down the wall. I press my hands to my chest to try and slow my beating heart but to no prevail; I make matters worse.

I turn my head slowly and stare at the photo of Uriah and I. I cover my mouth as a disgusting and unnatural noise escapes from within me, most likely from holding back my cries. My hands quivering, I pick up the picture. Uriah is beaming at the camera as he holds me in a headlock. It was during our college years when we were "experimenting" with life.

"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I am so sorry." Tears splatter onto the glass endlessly. I can't seem to stand so I falter my way to a wall and slide down until I sit on the ground. "I failed you, Uriah."

I failed Will.

I failed Christina.

I failed Uriah.

I failed Tobias.

No one who comes close to me can ever be happy. That's why I am better left alone. My inner demons and I.

* * *

 **I warned you.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hi, guys! It's been awhile since I've done a proper Author's Note, so I just want to address a few things. One - thank you, thank you, thank you for your amazing support. It has truly been keeping me on my toes about our fandom with DT. Two - sorry about the late update, some of you were asking for another chapter so here it is. I hope it meets your standards, especially with that last chapter... :/**

 **So with all of that said, I hope you enjoy the chapter. And keep in mind for this reading, everything happening occurs in _one week_. **

* * *

**Chapter 24**

The ticking originating from the clock on the wall pisses me off to no end that I almost reconsider waiting here. The small room is warm and inviting, housing several love seats and chairs sprawled out in an orderly fashion. There's a library near the door stacked with books and magazines, varying in topics. I'm the only one sitting in the room. My hands balled into fists to try and stop it from shaking. I open it and see that I've crumpled the little piece of paper inside.

 **Johanna Mason  
Lincoln Center – 8 am**

I had scribbled the words down after the woman on the phone had told me the earliest time she'd be available to see. Two days after I ended things with Tobias, I was sorting through my laundry when I found the card to the support group stuffed into one of my back pockets. The one Uriah had given me. I hesitated in calling her, telling myself that my drinking is just a stage I'm going through and soon, when all the grief and drama had passed, I'd be okay. Deep down I knew I was only kidding myself. The day after, I called Lincoln Center and asked if I would be able to see Johanna, which leaves me sitting in the waiting room.

"Tris Prior?" A soothing voice speaks, though it still makes me jump. Johanna chuckles at my behavior. "I'm sorry to have frightened you. It's just when they said a new patient wanted to see me, I didn't expect it to be you."

"Hi, Johanna." I get up from my chair. "Believe me, I don't even know what I'm doing here either."

"Well, I'm glad you came." She smiles at me. "Please follow me and we can begin our session.

Johanna leads me past several rooms, all the doors closed. No doubt holding private sessions. She opens the door to one of the rooms and invites me in. I seat myself hesitantly on the loveseat and Johanna sits on the chair across from me, a desk behind her.

"So, what brings you by?"

"I… needed to get some things off my chest."

"Proceed." She gestures to me.

I look at her confused. "Don't you need a notepad or something?"

She laughs at my question. "That's not how I operate Tris. Everything you say stays in this room and up here." She gently taps on her temple. "What did you need to get off your chest?"

I sigh deeply and rub my hands on my jeans. "Do you remember that man who, uh, who called you telling you about me?"

"Of course," She beams. "Uriah right?"

"Yeah."

"How is he doing? He was such a sweet guy, great sense of humor."

I smile lightly at her. "He's dead."

"Oh." Johanna's smile fades and the room falls into a silence. How do you respond to something like that?

"I'm a private investigator," I say softly. "I was investigating a case of a missing teenage girl. Turns out it was something bigger than I had expected. The men responsible for the kidnapping stalked me. My every move." My throat becomes dry. "Uriah was caught in the crossfire." Tears fill my eyes and my voice cracks when I speak again. "They shot him. I didn't do anything about it."

There's silence for a long minute.

"I'm sensing a feeling of guilt." Johanna looks at me. "Why?"

"Because it was my fault. Everyone tells me differently but I don't believe them. I was there, he was shot because of my clumsy behavior. I killed my best friend." I laugh humorlessly. "And that hasn't even been the first time either. I also killed my friend Will. That took a toll on my life. I lost contact with my best friend Christina, Will's girlfriend. I became a drunk. I shut people out. I became heartless and cold; I became a different person. A person I didn't recognize or know but it stood with me. If it wasn't for me, for my actions, my friends would still be by my side. And there not. They're not here. Everyone who wants to love me, I push away and I don't understand why." I don't know what's making me say all of these things so soon. Maybe it's because I've been keeping all of these things bottled up and can't contain it anymore. I appreciate Johanna staying quiet through all of this.

"Guilt can be a liability and an asset. Let's say for example you were to beat up an old man on the side of the road and take every single penny he had on him. You run and don't turn back but that doesn't stop the sickness you feel knowing you left someone on the side of the road to die. The fact that you are feeling that guilt means you still have your sanity. And hopefully, that guilt will cause you to take action and turn yourself into the police. This is where the guilt can be an asset. You will use it to do the right thing. But let's say you don't feel a thing after what you did, no remorse nor guilt. This is where your guilt is a liability because if you don't have that guilt, then you will keep doing those things and will dig yourself a hole that you can't dig your way out." She leans forward in her chair. "Now if you're really as cold hearted as you say you are… why do you feel the guilt?"

I stare at her, the words caught in my throat. _Why do I feel guilty?_

"I know I don't even have to ask you if you really killed Will because I can tell you didn't. You don't have to tell me what happened, and that's okay. The guilt that you have will never go away. But you can learn to control it. At the end of your dark tunnel, there is hope Tris."

"How do I find that hope?"

* * *

My hand hovers above the door I'm about to knock on. It's not something I want to do but in order to get over how I feel, I need to do it. Johanna invited me back that same week three times. She took things slow with me and looked at my viewpoint of things. Baby steps, she told me. One by one, I was able to get rid of the alcohols in my cabinets excluding one bottle of wine but I'm working on it. I think it was more of a longing that made me get rid of the bottles so quickly. I couldn't stand the feeling of knowing that they were sitting there, waiting to be popped open. Johanna also told me to try and reconnect with people of my past, to try and amend things. This was a definite barricade for me but after yesterday's session, I knew it was a must.

Swallowing my pride, I knock hard on the door. There're footsteps heard behind the door. "Who is it?" She asks.

"It's me. Tris."

She starts to unlock the door and it feels like an eternity waiting for her. Suddenly the door swings open and Christina stands there with a surprised look on her face. "Tris. Hi, um… I wasn't expecting you to… drop by?" She furrows her eyebrows at her unknown statement.

"I know." I cast my eyes downward. "I just… I just thought we could talk. About something other than a case of missing teenage girls."

"Like talk, talk?" She asks with widened eyes. "Or like just a talk?"

"Look, I could just leave right now." I point behind me and back up.

"No, no, no. Come in." She opens the door wider for me.

I walk in shyly and make my way straight to the kitchen. Being here over a billion times before, I know where everything is. "I can't believe you still live here."

Christina shrugs as she walks around the island and opens a cupboard. "Water?"

"No thanks," I respond as I sit on the barstool.

She sits a bottle in front of me and I quirk an eyebrow. "I know how indecisive you can be."

"Thanks," I grumble and drag the bottle closer. Biting my lip, I toy with the wrapping of the bottle as I try to come up with something to say. It's proving to be an extremely difficult task.

"I took the role of being the Smith family's lawyer," Christina speaks.

"What do you mean lawyer?" I shake my head. "Why do they need a lawyer?"

"They want to go after Davidson. They say that he was one of the well-known customers for the girls."

"But the police… they let him go."

"He's not in custody but there is a court hearing next week and I will be representing them. I'm not yet sure, but I think the court date will be addressing the whole investigation, not just Kathy's."

"Oh. Well if there's anything going on with Davidson, I know you will win the case." I smile half-heartedly. A heavy silence dominates the room. Neither of us knows what to do or say and who can blame us. We haven't been on the most social level, especially since Uriah's death. "How are you taking things?" I blurt out.

"With what?"

"Everything. With Will, your job… Uri. How do you handle things?"

"I take it one day at a time. Some are harder than others, but who doesn't have those." She sighs. "I miss them _so_ much."

"I know what you mean. Sometimes I can still hear their laughter. Like how Will use to memorize all the street names and then quiz us. And how Uriah use to carry around his water gun and pretend he was a soldier." I smile at the memories.

"Uriah did that until he was in his early twenties."

"Yeah."

"I remember you in high school. You were the obvious nerd out of Uri and me with your braces, and big framed glasses." I chuckle. "You had _really_ bad acne."

I laugh out loud as I remember my appearance before puberty hit me. Christina joins my laughter. It lifts the atmosphere around us, the awkwardness gone. "I'm sorry," I whisper after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry for everything I've done and haven't done. I have been a horrible friend and don't deserve your forgiveness. I just… I just need you to know that I want to try and amend things but if you don't want to I completely understand."

"Tris," She grabs my hand from across the counter. "I forgave you a long time ago. It's you who hasn't forgiven yourself and I am willing to help you recover from that."

I smile at her. "I've been going to private therapy sessions. The one Uriah asked me to take actually. It's… been helpful."

"What have you learned?"

"Johanna says to start slow and work my way from there. She also told me to reach out to those I've pushed away which is why I came here."

"Fixing broken relationships?" I nod. "Then I may have a suggestion." She gives me a knowing look and I instantly understand what she means.

* * *

The nurse leads the way as we walk down the hallway in silence. I try to calm my ragged breathing as I pull my hair behind my ear. My legs feel numb and the walls feel like they're closing in on me. What am I supposed to say? I didn't write a speech to announce my present. Fear runs through my body as the nurse starts to slow down her steps.

"Right here." She points to the door.

I silently thank her and she walks away. The door separates us, serving as a barrier too vast to overcome. _You have to learn to fight for yourself Tris. No one can do it for you._ Tobias' words ring in the back of my mind. It amazes me how, even though he's not with me, his enchantment still holds me close. Inhaling deeply, I knock on the door.

"Come in."

With shaky hands, I slowly push the door open. The first thing I see when I enter is a large window displaying the small pond outside. I walk further into the room before I see her. She lays in the bed with a book on her lap. The sun hits her at just the right angle displaying her natural, yet beautiful, features.

When she sees me, she smiles gently. "Hello, Beatrice."

I bounce on my heel and force the words out of my mouth. "Hi, mom."


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Hesitantly, I sit on the chair that rests across from the bed and beside the window. My mother's eyes don't leave me as if the moment they do, I'll disappear. I observe her from my seat. Her brown hair is tied into its usual bun, slicked back, not one strand out of place. She's developed some wrinkles around her eyes but other than that she looks exactly the same.

"It's been awhile, Beatrice. How have you been?" I choke on my words and stare at the ground. "You don't have to be afraid of me. I am your mother." She laughs.

I look at her through the tears that have formed in my eyes. "And I'm your daughter." She nods. "But what kind of daughter leaves her mother in a nursing home? What kind of daughter abandons their own _mother_?" Some tears fall onto my cheeks and I angrily brush them away. "I-I don't even know what I'm doing here."

"Whatever the reason is, I'm glad you came."

"Even if those reasons were selfish? Even if I told you that I only came her to give myself inner peace? Not because I wanted to truly see you. You can't be happy to see me under those circumstances."

"What matters is that you came. Beatrice," She reaches out for my hand that lays on the bed. I flinch at the contact and she retracts her hand while frowning. "I don't care about the reason you came. I care about you, my only daughter." Tears fill her eyes. "Beatrice, I haven't seen you in over _five_ _years_."

"I know. And I am so, so sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you but I was scared and didn't know what to do. I was young and stupid, but gives me no excuse to do what I did."

She sighs. "After what happened, we only had each other. Even with what happened to me, I didn't need to focus on that because I had you. When the doctor suggested that I be put in a nursing home to be assisted, you didn't hesitate in taking up the offer. I was hurt at first, yes, but then I realized who would want to look after their mother when they had their own life to live. Like you said, you were young. No one would want to have to care for their paralyzed mother and I had to accept that."

I stare at her in disbelief as she explains herself to me. Is that what she thinks? "No, I didn't do that because I didn't want to care for you. I did, I wanted it to be you and me against the world. But I felt weak and inadequate for doing that and I sought the easy way out. I didn't mean to drift away from you, it happened gradually." The tears fall from my eyes as I pour everything out in the open. "And I hate myself so much for putting you through that."

This time, she doesn't hesitate in pulling my hand into hers. "Why do you hold onto so much guilt? Sweetheart, what happened wasn't your fault, none of it is. Don't ever think that you could've done something to change anything. We all make mistakes but we have to learn from them."

Sniffing, I nod my head. My eyes land on the picture frame of them on the nightstand by the bed. "Do you ever think about them?"

She follows my gaze. "Everyday. I usually wonder what they'd be doing now, in this life."

"I wonder how we were the only ones who survived the car accident," I whisper. "Well, I was the only one who got lucky." I motion to her legs.

"We all have questions that can't be answered. That's how life is."

I pick up the picture with my free hand. My fingers run over their faces, both of them smiling. My father and brother. It was a family picture we had taken before the accident. My parents wanted to keep it to always remember us. "I miss them so much," I say as I place the frame back on the table.

"As do I." She sighs. "Beatrice," She pronounces my name and I look up at her. "How have you been?"

"Good." I nod my head. She looks at me skeptically; it's as if she can tell I'm lying. "I um… I solved a case. Some people were prostituting teenage girls against their will. And in the process of all this… Uriah was killed."

My mom gasps and covers her mouth. "Oh, my god. _Please_ tell me that's not true."

"I asked them to tell me the same thing. He's gone."

She releases a shaky breath and closes her eyes. "I am _so_ sorry Beatrice." She looks at me.

"So am I."

"How have you _really_ been?" My mother asks again, this time with understanding in her eyes. "How are you holding up?"

"I um…" I trail off trying to find the right words to explain how I've been feeling these past few weeks. "Do you remember Christina and Will?"

"Of course I remember Christina and Will," She looks at me as if I've grown two heads. "I also know what happened. I know that Will was murdered at the hands of a Dauntless member. I know that you blamed yourself for it, and because of that, you pushed Christina away and became a drunk. I also know that Uriah was the only one who you just couldn't shake. He was so determined to stick with you despite what happened."

I look at her, mouth agape and mind baffled. How does she know all of this? I've left her for five years and suddenly she's summed up my life since then in thirty seconds. "How…" I can't find the voice to continue.

Tears brim her eyes as she speaks, "Christina and Uriah came by often to check on me. They became like children to me. Since he was the only one in your life, Uriah filled us in on what had been happening to you." Some tears escape her eyes but she still smiles. "I broke my heart to know that my baby was going through that and there was no way I could help. I felt so useless and all I wanted… all I've ever wanted for these past years is to have our family _whole_ again. I miss those times."

"Mom…" My voice clogs with tears and I immediately scold myself for being so weak in front of her. She doesn't need this right know; she needs me to be strong for her. So, I swallow my tears. "Don't blame yourself for what _I've_ done to my life. Please. This isn't your fault and honestly, if you had been in my life these past few years, you would be _miserable_. The best option was for you to stay away from me. It was in your best interests."

"You were suffering." She argues. "A mother is supposed to be there for her children at all costs."

A hint of a smile reaches my face. "Would it make you feel better if I told you that I'm taking therapy? I'm… I'm trying to turn things around in my life."

"Good," She says simply. "I'm glad you're making the needed changes."

"Yeah, so am I."

A lone tear escapes my eye and slowly trails down my face. My mother takes her hand and cups the side of my face, wiping away the tear. She looks at me endearingly as her thumb skims my cheek. A ghost smile makes its way to her face and more tears start to form in my eyes but they don't spill over. All of this, her comforting touch, her soothing words, remind me of better times. Times when I still had my family. We weren't perfect, in fact, we were far from perfect. But the thing that mattered was that we had each other; we had each other's backs through thick and thin. All of the memories flood my mind, seemingly no chance at stopping, and for the first time, they bring something that I thought they never would – contentment.

"I'm just sorry you had to face it alone." She whispers softly.

"Who said I was alone?"

* * *

 **Are you guys now seeing an alternate reason for Tris being a drunk? ;)** **You guys are _awesome_! Thanks so much for the kind reviews, and support on this story! This chapter is short, but I hope you guys still like it. :) **

**See you all in the next chapter.**

 **~Mal**


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

The sound of my alarm ringing brings me out of my groggy sleep. I groan and turn over, turning off the aggravating sound originating from my phone. I sigh as I cuddle back into my pillow and blankets, its warmth providing much-needed comfort. It's at times like these when I miss _him_ the most. _He_ was all the comfort I ever needed, and now he's nowhere near me. I don't let my mind dwell on the matter, and decide it's in my best interests to get up now before I dive into self-pity mode.

I definitely don't want that.

After washing up, I find myself hungry. I haven't been eating well since Uriah's death, alcohol being my only remedy. But now, I crave actual food. Sighing, I rummage through my kitchen until I find what I'm looking for – bananas. After I finish cooking and inhaling my banana pancakes, there's a knock at the door.

I immediately stop cleaning my countertops and wait. Was that an actual knock? _Maybe I'm just going crazy._ Then the sound comes again and there's no mistaking that someone is at the door. Slowly but surely, I make my way to my door.

"Who is it?" I ask forcefully.

"U-um, my name is Adam. Y-you probably don't know me, but I'm your next door neighbor. I've been living here for the past four years. But um… I-I need your help."

I scrunch up my nose trying to see if any "Adam" rings a bell in my mind. It doesn't. "And what makes you think I can help you?"

"Well… you are a private investigator, right?"

At hearing this, I start to unlock the door. I hear a sigh of relief from the other end, meaning that this is the answer he wanted. "Yeah," I say once I've opened the door, though I still keep it close to me, only allowing my head to poke out.

"I heard how you solved the case of the missing teen girls and figured it could do no harm in asking you to look into something for me."

I eye him hesitantly before opening the door wider, allowing him to come in. He takes in my apartment as he enters, most likely considering to walk right out. This isn't the most "professional" way of explaining you're a professional PI.

"Sit down Adam," I say firmly, seeing that he's taking quite a while to find the seat near the desk. I slam the door, causing him to jump. "Don't worry… I'm in the process of relocating my office space. This is just temporary." I lie. That's what I tell most people when they question my business area. Though, I should consider making it a reality.

"O-okay," He stutters as he takes a seat.

"What seems to be the problem, Adam?" I ask, staring at him from across the table.

He fidgets with his hands, wiping them on his jeans as he starts to rock back and forth in his chair. "I-I think that I know the whereabouts of someone who could possibly be dangerous."

I arch an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Adam gulps. "Um… two months ago, my girlfriend was murdered in her apartment because of a break in. The man got away, but I've been trying to find him ever since with the little evidence the police have given me. But, I've got nothing."

"And, if I were to help you out, what would you want me to do?"

"I want you to find this man and bring him to justice. Just like you did for those teenage girls. I know this is a lot to ask… but my girlfriend deserves to be avenged. I can't sit back and just… let this man get away! I need a peace of mind knowing he's behind bars."

"Okay, the first thing I'm going to need you to do is to calm down," I tell him firmly. "Take deep breaths." Adam starts to follow my instructions precisely and I can see him relax. "For starters, bring me whatever information you have on the man, and I'll see what I can do."

Adam hastily stands from the chair. "Thank you so much! This really means a lot. I-I didn't know who to call or turn to. The police wouldn't help me at all and… and I thought all hope was lost. But… but thank you so much!"

I smile slightly as he rambles on. His use of pleonasm is quite overwhelming as he continues on and on as if I've already solved the case. "No problem. Just bring me back the information and I'll see what I can do."

* * *

Curse. Banana. Pancakes.

That's all that goes through my mind as I kneel in front of my toilet. Something that I desperately love and can practically live off of has finally caused me pain. Or maybe it's the fact that I haven't eaten properly and only have consumed alcohol the past week; and now that I've finally put actual food in my system, it's seemingly foreign to my body.

When I finally finish giving my guts out to the toilet, I lean back, feeling every ounce of my energy drain from my body. I feel utterly exhausted right now and it's not even noon. I rake a frustrated hand through my hair, suddenly angry with myself. _How long will it be like this?_

I screw my eyes shut, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I start to rock myself back and forth hoping to get the nauseating sense out from me. After regaining my composure and strength, I stand, flushing the toilet in the process. I sway a bit, the room starting to spin before focusing once again.

I know I won't be able to concentrate for the rest of the day. I know I won't be able to concentrate on this upcoming case for the rest of the day. Not unless I get some things off my chest.

* * *

"I'm surprised Tris," Johanna smiles gently as she looks at me from her chair. "I didn't expect to have another session with you today."

I return her gesture half-heartedly before responding, "Thank you again for seeing me on such short notice."

"Ah, yes. It's just been one of those quiet days."

"I wish I could say the same."

This seemingly captures Johanna's attention as she arches an eyebrow. "Would you mind elaborating on that please?"

I breathe out deeply, furrowing my eyebrows at her. I came here for a reason; I know that much. But now that I'm here, I don't know what to say. What exactly am I supposed to tell her? I begin to feel uncomfortable and it flashes through my mind if I can make it out the door without her ever noticing. I shake my head of the thought and bite my lip, something I usually do when I'm nervous or excited.

Johanna recognizes my discomfort and smiles reassuringly. "Why don't we try a different route?" She asks gently and I look up at her. "What did you do today?"

 _That's easy enough._

"I um… I may have received another case to solve." I start out slowly. "I actually ate for the first time in a few days. Before I was just… using booze to get by."

"And how did that feel? Actually doing something good to your body."

"Awful," I snicker remembering my episode back at home. "It all came up." My mind starts to ridicule me, the same insulting and disruptive thoughts seeping its way inside. "I was so _angry_ at myself for it. Why do I do it? Why did I put myself through that?"

"I'm afraid the only one that can answer that is yourself Tris," Johanna says firmly. "You are responsible for you and your actions. That means excepting the good and the bad that comes from them. You can't expect yourself to get better overnight. It takes _time_ and _patience_. Don't beat yourself up because of something you couldn't even control."

"But why couldn't I control it? I've been through this a thousand times Johanna, and trust me it's the same ring around the rosy deal. I… I have this voice in my mind telling me that I'm doing something right, and then… I'm right back to square one." I keep my voice steady, yet inside, I'm breaking. "I've tried to stop before. It didn't work. I don't want that to be me again. I don't want to be _that_ again."

"But are you?" She asks plainly. At first, I don't understand her words but soon she explains herself, "You're not telling me something. There's something you did, and you're not telling me."

My mind races with possible answers to her petition, and when I find it, I allow the smallest of smiles to make its way to my expression. "I visited my mother for the first time in five years," I whisper but she hears.

"Would the person you were one, two, three or four years ago have done that?"

"No."

"Then you're not who you used to be. You've changed, and for the better. You help people Tris, that's what you do. You're a helper. But for a change, help yourself. Do something for yourself, something that is going to make you happy. Just because you've made a mistake, doesn't mean you get to deprive yourself of something you enjoy."

Being with Tobias made me happy. It made me the happiest I've ever been in my entire lifetime. But I can't think of him now. He deserves better than a girl who's trying to pick up the broken pieces of her life. I quickly push the thoughts aside before it can drill into my mind more.

"Even if those mistakes are many?"

"It's called being human, Tris."

I sigh and rake my hand through my hair. "You don't understand how it feels Johanna."

"You're right. Maybe I don't." She pauses and looks at me boldly. "And maybe I do."

"What do you mean?" I snap unintentionally. " _No one_ understands what I'm going through right now."

Despite my sudden harsh response, she smiles politely. "When you first walked into my class, I noticed you staring at this," She moves her hair out of the way and soon, her scar is on display.

"Your scar," I say dumbly. _Of course it's her scar._

"How do you think I got this scar, Tris?"

Then it hits me. I don't know Johanna's story, so I can't judge. I'm assuming she's been through a lot. It would be idiotic to think that what I've experienced could be worse than hers. Still, I don't see how she could ever understand what I've been through. "Okay, so what's the story?"

"Domestic abuse. Drug abuse. Alcohol abuse. Rape. Miscarriage."

I can't help myself when my eyes widen as she speaks. Now I just feel stupid. I don't even come close to what she's been through. She stares at me plainly; no sense of pain or regret written on her face. I fumble at my words when she says nothing, hoping to cut the sudden tension in the room.

"Johanna I…"

"Don't." She tells me sternly. "I don't need pity or words of consolation. What happened to me was a _long_ time ago. I'm not who I used to be."

"How did you do it?" I ask quietly, the carpet on the floor suddenly becoming enchanting.

"I kept fighting." Johanna's words hit me with such force I feel like I may have had the air knocked out of my chest. "I got back up after I fell, no matter how many times that was. No matter how _painful_ it was." Finally, I look back up at her. Her eyes soften as she speaks, "I'm telling you this Tris because I have faith in you. You have such a stubborn attitude. I doubt anything would ever hold you back from what you want."

"But…" I shake my head and draw a shaky breath. My throat burns as I try to form the proper words to speak. I clench my eyes and jaw shut to control my now blazing emotions. "It hurts… it hurts so much."

"That pain is only temporary. It does get better. You just have to keep fighting, and then… it'll all be over. It hurts now, but what you get out of it… you'll find that it's all worth it."

Finally, when I can find my voice, it barely reaches a whisper, "I hope you're right."

* * *

 **Finding it hard to keep up with updates. Please forgive me, I haven't abandoned the story. I won't be able to update next week because I won't be in town, but I'll make sure I have something good to make up for it when I come back. ;)**

 **See you in the next update (whenever that is)!**

 **~Mal**


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

It's an unusually slow day in the city of Chicago.

I can't help but wonder if everyone has been evacuated and I'm the only one left here. Or maybe it's because it's a Sunday and everyone is at home with their families. Except me. Obviously.

The cool air from the police station hits me as I enter the building. Surprisingly, it's a ruckus in here, contrasting from the outside world. I perch my sunglasses on top of my head as I walk towards the counter. The receptionist doesn't even see me approaching, her eyes trained on the computer in front of her. Her fingers dash each key in what seems to be a matter of milliseconds. That's the only sound that is heard for about thirty seconds, and yet, she still doesn't see me.

"Excuse me," I finally speak, breaking her concentration. She jumps in surprise.

"Oh my god," She gulps thickly as she places a hand over her heart. "You scared me." She mutters, mostly to herself. "I'm sorry. How can I help you today?"

"Is Amar in?"

"Yes, give me one moment." She looks around her desk hesitantly as she eyes the mess of papers everywhere. Eventually, she perks up, as she moves some paperwork and finds the telephone.

I can't help but smirk when I can hear Amar sigh when I tell the receptionist my name. She smiles kindly at me as she hangs up the phone.

"You can go on back."

Once I'm standing in front of his office, I don't even bother knocking before walking in.

"What do you want Prior?" He growls, his eyes trained on two sheets of paper in his hands.

"It's nice to see you too, Amar," I tell him sarcastically as I approach his desk. "I have a question."

At hearing this, Amar slowly puts down the papers and turns to me. He stares at me blankly before asking, "You're disrupting me from my work because you have a _question_?"

I don't bother answering his annoyed petition before I toss the thick yellow envelope onto his desk. He arches an eyebrow, gesturing that he wants an explanation. "Chelsie Grant. Murdered two months ago due to a break in. The murderer got away and now the boyfriend is out for justice. He said the police could find very little information on the man so I did my own digging…" I sigh lazily as I fiddle with a stack of papers on the desk. Amar stops looking through the envelope and looks up at me. "There's more that you're not telling Adam."

Furrowing his eyebrows, Amar snaps, "And what am I not telling Adam, Prior?"

"You know who this man is. He isn't a simple thief." I challenge, not wanting to be intimidated by him. "Wallis Clint is a murderer and gambler. He's committed several murders and the police have yet to catch him. So, why doesn't Adam know about this?"

Amar crosses his arms over his chest. "So you think after you've done a little bit of digging you can come in here and demand information?"

"Seems like déjà vu doesn't it?"

Soon Amar is up on his feet, eyes boring into my own, fists placed firmly on the table. I do the same as well, not going to submit to his pressure. "Not everyone needs to know everything."

"Adam's girlfriend of five years was murdered and you're telling me he doesn't have a right to know what happened to her? That seems a bit hypocritical. Adam deserves to know just what kind of man killed Chelsie."

"And what kind of man killed Chelsie, Tris?"

I already know what he's trying to do. He's manipulating the situation so that I back out of fear. I know that the police have been trying to crack the case of Wallis Clint for several months now, and have yet prevailed. But I don't hesitate in answering him, "A man who is having a gambling match at six tonight at one of his little hook-up bars. Bars where he gets women, money, drugs, information on what his next kill will be."

Amar steps back unbelievingly. "How…"

"Tell your men they need to do a bit more digging. It isn't that complicated."

All is quiet in the room for a long moment. I can't help but smirk at the bewildered expression on Amar's face. "I'm guessing you didn't come all this way just to tell me this." He grumbles.

"No."

"Then what else do you want?"

"Full access to bringing in Wallis." Amar snorts at my answer. "I have a client who is waiting for this man to be brought in. This is my responsibility as much as it is yours."

"That's if even what you say is true."

"And why wouldn't it be? I didn't come all this way just to see you."

Amar glares at me long and hard. "I'll send a squad of men over there and if what they say is true, then I'll consider your request."

"No," I say through gritted teeth. "I go with your men, but we do things _my_ way. I know what goes on in that bar. I know what happens there. You can't just send your men in or Wallis will escape. Is that what you really want? For him to slip through your fingers again?"

"And how do you know what goes on in that bar?"

"There was once a gang reigning terror over Chicago."

I tilt my head to the side as I watch Amar. I can tell gears are turning in his head as he weighs his options. It isn't the first time I would be partnering up with the police to solve a case.

"You know I'm right." I cut through the silence. "Let me help you."

"I can't just let a civilian be put in danger."

"I'm a big girl. I can handle myself, thank you very much."

Amar sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to regret this."

I turn on my heel, a triumphant smile on my face. "I'll be waiting in the front."

* * *

My heart thumps in my chest as I approach the familiar bar. Its foul appearance isn't settling my nerves as I recall the numerous times I came here looking for information on the Dauntless gang. But I put those thoughts aside as I enter the building. A bell rings, indicating my arrival. The smell of smoke and alcohol engulfs me and it takes all of my restraint not to run outside and spill my guts out. I start to chew on my mint gum harder, hoping that it makes a difference.

"You're doing great so far Tris." Amar's voice sounds through the earpiece. "Just keep calm."

"Next time you put a vest on me, please make sure it isn't so tight," I grumble in response.

"Can't have them finding out you're with us… can I?" I can practically hear the smirk in his voice, probably lauding over my discomfort.

I don't answer him but instead, make my way through the bar. I already know where my destination is. I try to remain as neutral as possible, blending in with the small number of people.

"You must be a newcomer," I hear a gruff voice behind me and suddenly I'm facing a man, his hand wrapped tightly around my arm. "I would remember someone with your body walking through that door."

"Get your hand off of me." I hiss, ripping his grip from my arm. Thankfully after that, he seems disgusted with me and rolls his eyes, turning his attention away. Good; we can't afford to cause a scene.

Because of my sunglasses, the bar seems darker than it probably is so I have trouble distinguishing the door towards the back from the rest of the wall. I knock on its metal surface forcefully. Soon, the small slit slides open and eyes are glaring at me.

"What do you want?"

"I'm here for a piece of the game."

The covering closes and after a few moments, the door opens. A man stands behind it, one hand on the knob and another by his waist, not doubting holding a gun in place. I avert my eyes and instead focus my attention on the staircase leading downwards. I curtly nod my head at the man before descending the stairs. As I draw closer to its end, the smell of cigarette smoke is almost unbearable. In lighting speed, I'm able to pop two more pieces in my mouth to help me before walking into the limelight.

Three men are gathered around a small round table, dealing cards and gambling chips laid out in front. There are duffel bags stuffed with money scattered around the small basement as well as different types of liquor. The men turn to look at me. Since there's no extra seat by the table, I drag one from the corner. Its legs let out a shrill screech before I plop it in front of the table.

"Who are you?" One of the men growls as I sit down.

"Who are you?" I echo arching an eyebrow. "I'm just here for some action."

"You here for the game?" I turn towards the man who asked the question and find myself staring at Wallis Clint.

"Obviously," I mutter.

He smirks before pushing some chips and cards toward me. "Here. I'm sure you can follow along… if you even know what we're playing."

At this moment, I am eternally grateful that I am still wearing my sunglasses so that he can't see the worry flash through my eyes. I have absolutely no idea how to gamble. Amar must sense my discomfort because he then speaks, "Hold him there Tris. We're on our way."

I do just so. I perch my feet on top of the table and lean back in my chair. "You're a very famous man among the streets of Chicago… Wallis. Word gets around quick."

He squints his eyes at me. "What's your name?"

"Natalie," I answer without hesitation. Right now, with the recent finding of the missing girls, my name is most likely plastered over every local news station. Again. I can't have that risk out in the air.

"I don't think we should trust her." The man to left murmurs.

I look at him, tilting my head towards the side. Some strands from my messy updo fall into my face but ignore him. I stare at him long enough to blow a bubble from my gum. It pops loudly and all the men stare at me hesitantly. So far, I'm doing a pretty good job keeping them distracted. I know Amar and his squad was situated at least two blocks away so I have to hold their attention just a bit longer.

"What's your name?"

"Alex."

"Well, Alex…" I say lowly, stretching to grab one of the cards of the table. I smile when I see – a king. I flip it towards them before speaking, "It would seem your _king_ is the one you shouldn't trust."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We're almost there Tris. Try and get out while you still can." Amar tells me.

I know I should. It's dangerous to stay in a situation like this. But I can't help the smirk that covers my face; I want to have my own little fun. "Wallis, you are a very talented man." I chuckle. "Murder, burglary, gambling, smuggling drugs and God knows what else. Does the name Chelsie Grant ring a bell?"

"What do you -"

Placing my feet on the ground, I sit up in my chair. The silence that surrounds us is so thick, it could be cut with a two-edged sword. I can hear the sound of faint footsteps from upstairs and I know that Amar is already here. I smile as I finally lift my glasses, allowing them to finally see who they've really been sitting next to all along. My smile only broadens when I see the realization and horror cross their face. "Gotcha."

Wallis curses under his breath and at that exact moment, the upstairs door bursts open and shouting is heard. I swiftly turn my head to see the man that was guarding the door tumble down the stairs, a gunshot wound in his leg. He groans, holding his wound. Wallis and his men abruptly stand from the table, Clint's friends each grabbing a bag of money. They run towards the other exit but they don't make it before police bust through that one as well. I can see the frustration course through Wallis, and before I know it I'm in his arms, a gun to my temple.

I groan and struggle in his hold, but his grip around my arms and chest tighten to the point that it almost hurts. Amar faces us, gun pointed directly at Wallis.

"Drop the gun." He demands.

"You first." Clint challenges.

"Drop the gun, or I shoot."

"Are you sure you wanna do that?" He asks, pushing the gun harder against my head. I wince as the cold metal digs into my temple.

"I've given you a warning. Drop the gun and turn yourself in. It's over Clint, don't make this harder on yourself by taking another life."

Amar's words send an unwelcoming chill down my spine. I hate feeling helpless in situations like these, but I know I've already done my part and now the police have to do theirs.

The sound of a gun cocking in place echoes through my ear. "Oh, I'll shoot."

I squeeze my eyes shut as I gulp thickly. _Do something Amar!_

"Drop your gun now!"

As an answer, Wallis shoves me roughly causing me to stumble in my footing. The next thing I know, I hear the sound of gunshots and then an intense pain in my stomach. I groan as I hit the floor and my hands immediately find my side. I almost chuckle to myself when I feel the vest under my shirt through the small hole that was made from the bullet.

Amar rushes to my side, worry clearly written all over his face. "Tris, are you okay?"

"Woah, who knew you could actually give a damn about me." I snicker as I slowly pull myself into a sitting position. I pull the bullet from the vest and it clatters as it drops to the floor. "Thanks for the vest."

Amar breathes out a chuckle as he dips his head. "No problem."

I look up to see policemen escorting Wallis out of the bar. Blood trickles from his shoulder and it's clear that he's in pain from his hands positioned in the handcuffs, but he'll live; it's just a flesh wound.

"Good job, Prior," Amar tells me with a small smile. "Good job."

* * *

I grimace as the EMT bandages my bruised side. It hurts like there's no tomorrow, but at least I'm still alive. A bruised rib is better than a casket at a funeral home… I guess. The EMT smiles kindly at me before putting her equipment away. I slowly lower my shirt and adjust myself in the back of the fire truck.

Night has already fallen so it's easy to see the lights from the police cars and firetrucks dance through the streets. I shiver and run my hands up and down my arms as a cool breeze cuts through my jacket.

"Looks like you could use this."

I turn around to see Amar handing me a thick wool blanket. I shake my head as I take it from him. "You're really surprising me today with your kindness." He chuckles. "But thank you."

"I should be the one thanking you. You're the one that solved this case."

"Couldn't have done it without you guys."

Amar nods his head solemnly. The thick, frigid air develops around us until he breaks through it, "How are you holding up?"

"Bruised rib," I respond casually. "Nothing I can't handle."

"And somehow, I believe you."

I snicker. "I was right about Clint."

"Yeah, yeah. It's in the past, let it go."

"Speaking of, what's going to happen to him?"

"The usual. A court hearing will determine his actions." I nod stiffly as someone calls Amar over. He turns to me apologetically. "Sorry, but I gotta take this. Thanks again for your help Tris."

I give him a faint smile as he walks away. Another case solved.

* * *

 **Surprise update! :D Hope you enjoyed this extra long and juicy chapter; it was definitely one of my favorites to write! And a massive thank you for the support my previous chapter received, I love hearing your feedback - _each_ and _every_ one of them. But now I tell the truth when I say I won't be updating next week, I kinda got my dates confused... oops. ;) **

**See you all as soon as I can! I promise!**

 **~Mal**


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

"So, how have things been on your end? It's been awhile since I last saw you."

I smirk at Christina as I eye her from my peripheral vision. She sips on her water innocently as she looks at me intently. Most likely trying to peer into my soul.

I lay my fork down, careful to not let it clatter against the plate. I sigh before speaking, "This thing is harder than I expected."

She furrows her eyebrows, seemingly confused. "What is?"

"Moving on."

"Yeah," She says quietly with a small smile. "It can be difficult."

I barely manage a nod. Instead of giving her a verbal answer, I turn to face the streets of Chicago from inside the restaurant.

Christina was the last person I expected to call for comfort, but right now, I'm feeling vulnerable. It's not an easy feeling to explain; I myself don't even know what's happening. But all I can do is be thankful that my friend is sitting beside me when I need her most.

"Tough day at work?" I ask as I watch her scan over the menu for alcoholic beverages.

"You can say that." She mutters. Her eyes scan over the menu for a few more seconds before they widen. The thick leather book clatters against the table as she tosses it. Her eyes flick between the book and myself for what seems like an eternity. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"What?" I interrupt her, smirking. "Live your life? Don't let me get in the way of you having some relaxation. Go ahead – order a drink. I honestly don't give a damn."

Christina furrows her eyebrows and looks at me wearily. "Somehow I don't believe you."

I shrug. "Suit yourself." She stays quiet for a moment, and I can tell she's trying to phrase what she's about to say next. I roll my eyes playfully before calling her out, "You can talk to me, Chris. I don't bite."

She smiles lightly before softly speaking, "You know that's the first time you've called me by my nickname since you came back." She chuckles and shakes her head. "I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but… I missed that. Every time you called me by my name, it sounded so stiff and emotionless. I guess I… I guess I just missed the easiness we had as best friends. I miss my best friend."

"Why?" I ask plainly as a broad smile overtakes my face. "You still have her."

Christina abruptly looks up from the table and stares at me blankly. "What?" She whispers.

"I don't know why you're sounding so surprised. I couldn't go long without your… friendship ways rubbing off on me."

"Are you messing with me? Is this some sick joke?"

I shake my head whilst taking a sip of my water. "No joke, Chris," I reassure her. "Just someone who's looking to reunite with her best friend."

I'm sure anyone looking at us from both inside and outside the restaurant would think we're crazy with the way we're smiling. But at this point, I don't care. For so long, I pushed Christina away and didn't look back. And now that I'm willing to work things out, it's proving to be better than I ever imagined.

"At first, I didn't know why I called you exactly," I start off, gulping thickly. "But, I knew I had to. I knew I needed to."

"You don't know how many times I thought about calling you when Will… passed. I knew you were hurting, and I wanted nothing more than to be there for you. And then… and then when you started to avoid me… god, it was painful. I had lost my boyfriend and best friend all at once. So I just busied myself in work all the time. It didn't really help, but it got me along."

"Are you sure you don't need that drink?" I tease her, but my voice is thick with emotion.

She laughs quietly, and I can tell she's holding back tears of her own. "No, I'm okay. I've got my best friend."

* * *

I breathe in deeply as fresh air fills my lungs. Living in a busy city like Chicago can really make you miss the outdoors. Of course, my mother's nursing home is still located in the bustling city, but right now I enjoy taking advantage of its secluded garden. Nature's flora surrounds us, the sun gently soaks us through the clouds and it's almost as if I can forget everything.

"You seem happy."

I turn to my chuckling mother who sits beside me in her wheelchair. I smile at her and she immediately returns the gesture. Grabbing her hand, I gently reply, "I am happy."

It amazes me – the way she can read through me like a book. It's as if the five years of us being separated never happened, and we've been the closest. Unfortunately, it's not true, and it's taking me some time to adjust to that thinking. If I could, I would delete the past five years without a moment's hesitation.

"Something is bothering you. What is it?"

"Nothing," I try to defend myself but it comes out high-pitched. I clear my throat and reaffirm my statement, "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Beatrice."

"I'm here with you. I'm fine."

I can tell by the look she gives me that she doesn't believe me – and frankly I don't even believe myself. Although these past few weeks have been nothing but refreshing and guilt-lightening, there's still something that I feel is missing. Or rather, someone. I try not to think about it much – about him, but lately, it's been more than a difficult task.

"Do you remember how it felt when you fell in love with dad?" I ask suddenly. The need for an answer from her is suddenly overwhelming, but my mind and heart are eager for an answer. "Do you remember?"

The question obviously catches her off guard. But, after she's gotten over the initial shock, she replies without reluctance, "Absolutely. I remember it _perfectly_." She smiles softly, the memories no doubt bittersweet for her. "We were young, of course, and before that I never believed love could exist before children. He was nineteen and I was sixteen. I was on the cheerleading squad and he was captain of the football team… so a relationship was bound to form between us. But your grandmother… well, let's just say she wasn't so happy about my relationship with your father, and at one time, we had to hide it from her." She shakes her head, chuckling. "But, I don't regret anything. We did it for something great – we did it for love."

"How did you feel when you knew?"

She doesn't ask me to elaborate as she answers, "It's funny actually… I knew it from the very beginning. The feeling is…"

"Indescribable," I say softly. "It's not attraction or lust, but actual love. It's as if you're complete when they're with you, and when they're gone… there's this big gap in your heart that can't be fixed. You just… you just know by the way they treat you, that they love you. And you love them."

"Now, I know that wasn't just a wild guess." She looks at me with concern and hesitance. "Who did you fall in love with?"

"Someone beautiful… on the inside and out."

"I always wondered how it would be to find out my daughter fell in love." Her smile is brighter than the sun itself at this point. "Well… why didn't you tell me about him sooner? Why haven't I met him?"

"Mom, you know what happens when someone gets too close to me. You know what happens when I love someone."

The joy abruptly leaves from my mother's face and is instead replaced by a flinty appearance. "Beatrice, tell me something that I'd like to hear." I don't meet her intense gaze but instead, busy myself at looking at anything other than her. "He left because of you."

I sigh exasperatedly, finding it in myself to finally look at her. "You don't think I know that! I know that he left because of me. I know that I pushed him away, and that just adds to list of mistakes that I've made."

"What happened?" She asks quietly.

"I don't want to really talk about it."

"Beatrice, you've been holding something inside you for a while now. Maybe talking about it will help."

I absentmindedly wrap my arms around myself and perch my knees on the bench, bringing it closer to my chest. I feel small in this position, inferior to everyone and everything. This is how I would act through most of high school when I was teased about my appearance. Now I've adopted the same mentality that I had back then – maybe if I just give up, maybe if I just stop fighting, it'll all go away. I tighten the grip around my knees as I begin to think of the things I told myself to stay away from. I begin to think of him.

It wasn't some fling that we had – at least I don't feel that way. I _know_ Tobias. I _had_ Tobias. And now I've lost him, most likely for good. And since then, I've been fighting very hard to control my blazing emotions; anger, self-pity, regret, guilt, and misery all wrapped into one tiny little person. It's starting to become too much for me to take on. But, maybe if I just stop fighting, it'll all go away.

"Beatrice…"

Startled, I look towards my patiently waiting mother. I was telling the truth when I said I don't want to talk about it. If it torments me now, without speaking a word, then I can't even begin to imagine what it will feel like expressing my feelings and concerns.

But even with this thought in mind, I manage to find my voice, "It was um… it was after Uriah died… and I didn't want to see anyone, not even him. Of course, I blamed myself for what happened, and it didn't get any better when he came to see me." Tears start to brim my eyes, memories of that painful day racing through my mind.

 _You need to go now. I can't have you around me._

"I told him he deserved better. He deserves a woman who isn't an alcoholic, one who doesn't have a past, one who doesn't let her past control her. He deserves someone worthy of his _love_. I wasn't that girl."

 _That will be my right to choose who I want to be with and love._

"He wanted to stay with me, for some odd and stupid reason. I didn't want him to suffer… so I let him go."

 _I can't have you here. I can't be with you._

"I didn't give him a choice. He's better off without me anyways."

After what seems like eons of stillness, my mother speaks, "I'm so sorry that things didn't work out," She starts off, but I can tell there is more to come. "But Beatrice… I don't _ever_ want to hear you say that you don't deserve love. Don't _ever_ say that."

"It's true."

"No, it is not." She wheels in front of me and grabs my chin, not unkindly, but with determination and firmness. "You are worth so much more than you think you are. You are deserving of everything good and beautiful. You deserve love. You deserve love from whom you love." Despite her words, I still cannot find it in me to look her in the eyes. My mother sighs. "Beatrice… you are the strongest person I know."

I scoff. "Really?"

"Yes, really. You've been in pain for _years_ and yet you're still here. You've been fighting this problem -"

"I've been embracing it! I haven't fought it."

"And you recognize that. You've realized that you have a problem, and you're getting help. It takes a courageous person to admit their mistakes, and make amends for them. It proves just how strong yet humble you are."

The words _strong_ and _humble_ aren't ones I would usually put in the same sentence. If you're strong, nothing can bring you down or hurt you. If you're humble, you are a modest person, someone who wouldn't flaunt or even acknowledge their strength. Those are also two words I'd never use to describe myself. But it is only common sense to see a slight truth in my mother's words, even if she is referring to me.

"I don't know Mom," I hesitate in my words, not really sure if I am trying to convince her or myself. "I don't think I'm like that."

Her smooth hand gently caresses my cheek as she smiles at me. "Right now, you don't see it. Right now, you're just going through the pain, and it's so strong that it's the only thing you can focus on now. But, there will come a time where it won't be like that anymore. And then you'll be able to help not only yourself but others too."

I doubt that will ever happen, but I don't want to push any unnecessary anxiety onto my mother, so I just settle for a nod.

"Good." She says, dropping her hand. "So tell me… what was he like?"

I can't help the smile that overtakes my face at the question, nor do I hide it. "He was… he was amazing." My mind races for words to describe the man I fell in love with. "At first… he was so confusing. Infuriating almost. Then, he found out I was a drunk… and I actually cared what he thought. I tried to stay away, I did, but it did _not_ work out."

"Clearly."

I give my mother this _look_ , one that is neither annoyed or humored, and she just laughs. It brings a small grin to my face. "And then… we started seeing more of each other… and then we kissed… and then... things just escalated."

The question that comes out her mouth next is not what I was prepared for.

"Was he good?"

I stare at my mother, completely horrified and dumbfounded. My eyebrows knit together and my mouth falls open slightly as I ask, "What?"

"You heard me, Beatrice."

"Yeah but… I don't want to hear you right now. That's disgusting."

"So he _isn't_?"

"Yes… I mean no!" I shake my head rapidly attempting to clear my thoughts. "Mom… we didn't… we didn't _do_ anything."

"Oh," She frowns slightly at my answer. "Well… was he at least a good kisser?"

"Yes, he is." I sheepish smile makes its way to my face and I have to clamp down on my lower lip in order to hide it. My god… how I've missed his lips. "He's… talented in that department."

My mother gives me this devilish smile that causes me to laugh.

"But… I've really missed him, Mom." I admit softly after my hysterics have died down. "I thought I could do this without him… and I wanted to forget about him… but I _can't_. It's impossible."

"Beatrice…"

"When I let him go… it's like a chunk of me left with him. I don't understand _why_ , though. I don't understand why it hurts so much to not have him with me." At this point, tears are starting to form in my eyes and bitter memories are replacing the ones that were brining me comfort. "He's just another guy and… I'm not dependent on anyone, you know that. Mom, I'm so _scared_."

"Beatrice…" She speaks softly, brushing my hair behind my ear. "I am truly sorry that you have to be going through this right now." I close my eyes and lean into her warm touch, stray tears escaping. "And I know you care more about this boy then you're letting on… but as of right now, you have to let him go."

My eyes fly open and I stare at her through my glassy vision. "I've never felt this way about _anyone_." I choke out. "I-I love him."

"I know you, sweetheart. And that is okay. But right now, you have to worry about _you_ and your situation. You need to fix yourself first before bringing someone else into the picture." I nod my head slowly, understanding her point of view, but still finding it painful to admit. "And I'm not saying you can't ever love someone… but just give yourself some time. When you're ready, you'll know it."

I know she's right; she's always right. But that doesn't change the fact that I _miss_ him and _want_ him. I _need_ Tobias in my life right now. I know I have things to work on, but now I'm wondering if these things can be conquered through a team effort.

* * *

 **Does this make up for not updating? ;) And I am on the same level with you guys... I miss Tobias so much! And I'm the author of this story! But who knows... maybe he'll come back soon and maybe he won't. You'll just have to wait and see. ;D**

 **Till next time!**

 **~ Mal**


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

I don't exactly know why I keep coming back here. Well, I know why… I just don't want to admit it to myself. I come here just for the view and to get away from everything when it all becomes too much. But I know that is only half of the truth. I come here, hoping and praying, that somehow I'll run into him. It's merely wishful thinking.

But today is different. Today I just want some peace and tranquility.

My breaths are visible as I stare down below from the hill. The brisk air nips at my skin, but it's bearable. The sun started to set some time ago, and I should really call Chris to come pick me up, but I can't find myself to do anything right now. I shudder and stuff my hands in my jacket pockets when a cool breeze passes by.

Despite myself wanting to get away from it all, I can't help but wonder about the amazing times I had here – on this very ground. I often find myself thinking about times like that frequently, especially since the conversation with my mother three weeks ago.

 _"_ _It's beautiful." I stared at him to find his eyes already on me. "How'd you find it?"_

 _"_ _I had a bad day once so I just walked. I walked out of the city, away from people. I came here and stumbled upon this."_

 _I crossed my arms. "You seem like you have a lot of those."_

 _He turned to me. "You can say that."_

I sigh deeply, scolding myself for being so weak. Though, I can't bring myself to stop.

 _"_ _No I'm serious. You act all tough and intimidating when people first meet you but I know deep down that you're just a big pile of fluff."_

 _"_ _You know?"_

 _I bit my lip. "Yeah I know. You want to protect yourself from being hurt so you put a barrier around yourself. I think that's why you also have your one night stands."_

 _He stared at me for a long moment before he shut the door._

I'd say it's pretty pathetic the way I have his eyes burned into my memory. It's created this fear of mine – the fear that one day I'll wake up and not be able to remember just how blue they really are. They aren't _blue_ , but more like a combination between blue and black. I reminisce on how I use to stare into those orbs and fall into that endless pit. People refer to the eyes as a window into the soul – and I couldn't agree more when it came to his eyes.

My god, I sound like a hormonal teenager.

When another frosty blast hits me, I decide it's time to head home.

"If I knew someone else was going to be here, I wouldn't have come."

My hand stops in midair with my phone braced in it. I screw my eyes shut and hold in the raged breath that threatens to slip out. I've been daydreaming too much, obviously, because I didn't hear what I just heard. Holding my breath proves to be a grave mistake because my throat tightens and trembles. I bite my lip to keep from crying out, wondering why I'm going through all of this trouble of concealing my emotions if I'm dreaming. I _have_ to be dreaming.

That's what I keep telling myself as I cautiously turn my head around, still not prepared for what I then face. Our eyes immediately lock together, and as much as I want to look away and run, I don't move. But neither does he.

That damn seductive smirk plays out on his lips as he looks at me, probably humored by my bewildered expression. "Hi Tris,"

I don't respond. My mouth twitches to say something in return, but nothing is coming to mind at the moment. I bite my lower lip and avert my eyes towards the ground, suddenly finding it too intense to continuing our unspoken "staring contest".

"I was just leaving."

I can't stop the words before they blurt out of my mouth. _What the heck was that?_ _What did I just say? I couldn't even tell him a simple hello! Crap._

"So… you can stay… is what I'm trying to say."

"You have a car now?"

I shake my head softly, still not fully looking at him. "No,"

"So you plan on walking all the way back to your apartment?"

Suddenly feeling bold enough, I give him a smug look. "I'll find a way."

He chuckles and it sounds like music to my ears. "I'm sure you could."

The air surrounding us suddenly becomes thick and tense. I fidget on the ball of my feet and wrap my arms around me, quickly feeling inferior right now.

He smiles at my nervous behavior. "How have you been, Tris?"

The question catches me off guard and I spend more time than normal coming up with the simple answer of, "Okay." He nods his head and I wonder if we're both thinking the same thing right now. It's not every day you run into your ex, much less have a normal conversation with them. "How have you been, T -"

I stop myself short, not sure if I should finish my question. I remember when he told me his name, and that was a milestone in our relationship. By trusting me with his name, he was giving himself fully to me. He trusted me that much to open up, and I pulled the rug right out from beneath him.

"You can call me by my name." He says so quietly, it startles me. "It's alright."

I smile despite my nervousness, more than eternally grateful that he's still giving me an opportunity. Soon, I find myself standing a mere few feet from him. "Thank you," I whisper. "Thank you so much."

He solemnly nods his head. I can tell he wants to say something else, but he must decide against it as he quickly diverts the topic of conversation, "I heard that there's a court hearing for the Smith's…"

I feel myself deflate at the boundary he's put up, but I am in no position to blame him. "Um, yeah. They're going after Davidson and then after that, there'll be a court of the public versus Eric, the guy who was behind the kidnapping."

"The trial for Davidson was moved up, right?"

"Yeah, the court thought it would be better to place the two trials side by side. The media's saying that this is the biggest court case in Chicago history."

"So I've heard." He mutters. He's thoughtful for a moment as he gazes at me. I've seen this look before and am very familiar with it. It causes a shiver to race up my spine. "How have you been holding up?"

Tensing, I immediately know he isn't just talking about the court cases that are slowly spiraling out of control with their fame. It would be foolish of me to try and avert this conversation in another direction; for one – I have no idea what I would tell him, and secondly – I am unconfident in my ability to verbally translate my thoughts. Instead, I feel a shudder run through my entire body, chilling me to my very bones. And it has nothing to do with the wind and cold temperature.

Tobias lets out a small grin, but it's far from being amused or cheerful. Rather, he looks uncomfortable and almost… ashamed of himself. My thoughts are clarified when he rubs the back of his neck, a habit he has when he's nervous.

"I'm sorry." He says quietly, not quite looking at me. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, you…" I trail off, somehow becoming too flustered to look at him. "You didn't upset me. I just… was caught off guard. That's all."

When I finally look back up, his eyes are already on me. He stares at me for so long that I think time may have frozen and the Earth is now standing still. During this time of awkward silence, my breathing restricts yet again and my heart rate increases dramatically. I'm about to open my mouth, going to say what I still don't know, when he beats me to it.

"Things aren't the same, Tris." His voice is unsettling; it's vulnerable and inferior, two words that you _do not_ use to describe Tobias. "We both can see that. We aren't going to be able to stand here and act like nothing happened." His snickers, and brushes a hand over his mouth. "We don't… we don't have a relationship anymore. It's over, and lying to ourselves isn't going to make anything better."

His words take me by extreme force. I can literally feel a sharp pain in my chest, right where my heart sits. My stomach constricts and it's almost as if I may pass out at any given moment right now. When I turn to look at where Tobias stands, I gape at his retreating form, already making its way to the trees. And it pains me so much to see him walk away once again.

But this time, I don't want to let him go.

"But that's not what we want." My voice is surprisingly stronger than I expected it to be. He stops walking, so I take that as a sign to continue. "That's not what _I_ want."

"Yeah, and what do you want, Tris?" His voice becomes bitter and I know that his pain is running deeper than I thought it ever could.

Swallowing a shipload of tears, I answer him, "A fresh start? Another chance?" I start to approach him, but slowly and carefully, not exactly sure how he's going to react. "Tobias, I know I hurt you -"

"You know?" His voice is a breathless whisper and I immediately begin to retract my steps. He turns around to face me, and his expression is stone cold. It reminds me of when I first saw him – when he was nothing but a stranger to me. "You know? Tris, you don't know anything. Because all you can think about is your own problems. Not what you do to others."

Ignoring his comment, I still stand my ground. "Okay, and you're right. But please… give me another chance. Give me a chance to redeem myself. Please."

I cannot believe myself. Actually begging to be with the man I love and risking everything I've worked so hard to take control of. It's only now that I definitely know that I want nothing more than to have Tobias back with me. However, I don't know if it's the right choice, and it may be rash… but I simply _don't care_.

"Redeem yourself? It's been over a month, and now all of a sudden, you're ready to _redeem_ yourself?"

"Yes,"

It's a simple response. Possibly, not the one he would have hoping or expecting, but it's the best I've got at this point.

"I… Tobias I…" My words fumble on my tongue and suddenly, I can't bear to hold anything in anymore. "I'm sorry." The words slip out with such emphasis, with such magnitude, and emotion that it surprises me how much of an impact two small words can have. "I am so sorry."

"You're sorry?" He asks though it's not as harsh as how he sounded moments ago. I take that as a good sign.

"I'm sorry." I reaffirm, determined to get my point across. "Tobias, before I met you… it was just me. Only me. I had Uriah… but I was so _alone_. And after a while, you get used to that feeling. You get used to not having anyone to take into account. No one to consider, no one to have worry about… no one to be there for you. And… and when you came along… I didn't know what to do. I didn't… I didn't know how to handle it. It was hard adjusting to, having someone who was actually there. Everyone that I love was in my life one moment and gone the next. So when… so when you showed up… something just… something told me that I had to have you. I had to have you in my life. I can't explain it but, I also I couldn't ignore it."

My god, I don't know where I'm going with this.

"And when… when we kept seeing more of each other, I knew that you were… you were one of those people I wanted in my life." I almost use the word _love_ , but I hold it in at the last moment. "At first, I didn't know what I was doing – what we were. I was… going through the moment I guess. But then… but then you gave yourself to me." I internally curse myself for the wetness I feeling in my eyes and my throat stiffening. "You told me _everything_. You trusted your deepest and darkest secrets with _me_. And I did the same, which I have _never_ done before. It was then that I knew that I didn't want you to be one of those people that vanished from my life."

It probably happened subconsciously, but now we're standing so close that I can literally reach out and touch him. I don't though. I want to. But I don't.

"But when Uriah died, it was like déjà vu. Everything just came back to me. And then I remembered all of the people I pushed away, all of the people that I love. And it suddenly became too much for me to handle." The tears start to brim my eyes and I try; I try so hard to keep them in, but my body is warring against me. "But during all of that… I wasn't there for you. I was not there when you needed me. You were hurting, and I was so selfish that I only cared about what I was going through. You were there for me… numerous of times and I didn't return the favor when you needed it the most! And I am so sorry, Tobias! I am sorry that I hurt you! I am sorry that, for the life of me, I could not help you! I am sorry that I was selfish and I dragged you down with me! I am sorry that I pushed you away!" I can't manage to make out a clear picture of him though all of the salted tears, but I'm sure it's nothing I want to see right now. "I couldn't be there for you! And ever since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how I abandoned you. Every night, I go to sleep wondering what I could have done to still have you with me… to still have you there with me. And every chance I get, I reprimand myself for not being the woman you needed -"

It happens in the blink of an eye. The movements are so lighting quick, that if I didn't feel what I'm experiencing now, I wouldn't believe it's really happening. The tears fall harder when I feel his body pressed against mine. His arms wrap around me so tightly that I feel myself completely sheltered from the outside world. My mouth falls open and I try to say something, anything, but nothing comes.

It's in this moment when I just stop. I stop thinking. I stop worrying. I stop breathing.

My body numbs, but it is the most incredible feeling in the world. His scent, that for some absurd reason I find so comforting, instantly puts me at ease. It takes a moment, but when I am finally able to regain feeling in my hands, they slowly travel up his body. Even through his thick coat, I'm able to feel his robust physique. My grip becomes more sturdy as I clamp down onto his coat like a lifeline, as if I were to let go, he would be gone in an instant. His own hands move too; where they were once wrapped around my torso, they are now holding my upper back and cradling my head.

"Breathe," His words are a faint whisper in my ear, but they're powerful. My grasp on him only tightens. "Breathe."

As if on cue, my chest starts to rise and fall with steady breathing. I close my eyes and dig myself further into his embrace, never wanting to leave. For so long I've dreamed about this moment. For so long, I've longed for his touch. And now that I have it, I never want to let go. I never want to leave. It's bizarre how he can enchant me with just one touch. Over a month of not seeing each other, and all it takes is one touch, and I'm putty in his hands.

"Are you breathing?"

I release a small giggle and nod my head against his hardened chest. "Yes,"

"Good." But I nearly stop again when he takes ahold of my hand and guides it up along his rib cage. I'm flustered at first, but when he stops, it all makes sense. His heart beat is steady and vibrates against my hand. "I'm here. I'm here, Tris. I'm right here."

I can't stop the smile that overtakes my expression. "Why is your heart beating like that?"

"It's what happens when I'm around you."

His lips come to rest against my forehead, and if it's even possible, I lean in closer. I can feel my cheeks heat up, remembering when we exchange the exact words some time ago. At that time, I remember the quickened pace of his heart beat. Now, though, his heart seems to be at peace. And that's' when I feel my heart beating in the exact same way. It no longer beats in pain.

"It hurts Tris," He says quietly, and for a moment, I think he's referring to our break up. "It kills me knowing that's what you go through. You carry such a load on your shoulders that isn't yours to handle."

Sighing, I close my eyes and shake my head. "Choices have consequences. I'm dealing with mine right now."

"But you don't have to do it alone." His lips travel from my forehead to my temple and he presses them firmly against my skin. "You asked me once to help you, and I told you that this was your own war that you had to fight. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. But now Tris, _I_ am asking for a second chance. Please, let me help you. Let me be there for you. You are deserving of help. Let me be the one that you give yourself to. All of you."

Finding the strength in me, I raise my head. Grey meets blue in such an intense gaze that I momentarily forget what I was going to say. "If I let you help me," I start out slowly. "will you let me help you? Will you let me get to know you better? Will you give yourself to me? All of you?"

"Scars and all?"

"Scars and all."

His arms wrap around me once again and I smile up at him. "I think we got our second chance."

* * *

 **Hehe... does this answer my lovely reader's requests? I hope it does, but there are some things I want to go over:**

 **\- I delayed having Tobias in the story for some time because I really wanted to focus on Tris as an individual and on self-healing. But, now it seems that she'll have a helper. :)**

 **\- I did not want this reunion to be a bunch of fluff balls... let's have a reality check. They broke up, they were hurting immensely... I wanted to capture the angst of that. (I'd also like to thank Sam Smith for giving me songs that help me have actual emotions.)**

 **And to address one of my _guest's_ reviews:**

 **1) Yes, I did hear that Theo James will no longer be starring as Tobias in the Divergent series (worse decision ever; _no one_ can play Tobias the way Theo can. And look incredibly good doing it too.)**

 **2) If my readers would like for me to do several chapters in Tobias' POV, then I will be happy to do so. The only thing is, I will create an entirely different "book" for this. I want this version to be completely written from Tris' perspective. But, just let me know if you all would like to see that. ;)**

 **And with all of that said... I'll see you in the next chapter!**

 **~Mal**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

"My god, I am so pathetic."

I gaze at myself in the mirror, my eyes squinted and my hands placed on my cheeks. I start to tap them – maybe too rough – to calm my facial muscles. It doesn't work. I cannot stop smiling. Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would be smiling like I'm high because of a man. I despise myself for it.

 _It may have been my imagination. I could have possibly been daydreaming. But I swear that I felt both of us leaning in. My breathing hitched, and our lips hadn't even touched. Then again… this all could have been a dream. But it was when his arms around me tightened that I knew I wasn't hallucinating. My hand subconsciously moved to cup his cheek, and my thumb started to skim his defined cheekbone that had grew a stubble. We were so close. So incredibly close that our breathing became one. I couldn't believe it. After all of this time, I was finally going to be able to kiss him._

 _That was when my phone started to ring._

 _The aggravating sound cut through the building tension like a chalk being dragged across a board. Neither of us moved, only stood with our eyes locked. I could see amusement dancing in his. The ringing stopped and still, neither of us moved. And then it started again._

 _A low chuckle emitted from somewhere deep inside him. "I guess you should get that."_

 _I smiled softly, not daring to break his gaze. "Yeah… I probably should."_

 _But I didn't. I felt him draw me closer, so much in fact, that our noses brushed together. That was close I was to getting what I wanted – him._

 _My phone started going off again._

 _Knowing that whoever was calling wasn't going to stop, I dug out my phone from my jean pocket. When I saw the caller ID, I wanted nothing more than to strangle her. It was only because Tobias was behind me that I didn't explode. "Hello?" I asked with such a façade of patience when I picked up the phone. I could tell Tobias saw right through me as he started to chuckle. I shot him a playful glare._

 _"_ _Tris!" Christina practically shouted my name. "What is wrong with you? I have been calling and calling, and you haven't picked up! Are you alive? Are you okay?"_

 _I blinked as she rushed out her concerns, trying to decipher which question I should answer first. "Um, considering that I am having a conversation with you right now, I'd say I'm fine."_

 _I could hear her breathe a sigh of relief. "Well, I'm here… wherever I dropped you off earlier. My god, I don't know what you find peaceful about this. There could be a murder or rapist here, you know that!"_

 _"_ _Alright Christina," I rolled my eyes. "I'm coming now."_

 _With a sigh, I hung up and stuffed my phone back in my pocket. When I turned to Tobias, he had his arms crossed with a smirk on his face. "Looks like you won't be walking home today."_

 _I hummed in agreement. "Don't be too depressed about it."_

 _His smirk grew into a smile as he uncrossed his arms. "It was… it was good to see you again, Tris."_

 _The grin on my own face quickly disappeared. I didn't want this to be goodbye; I didn't want to have to leave him. Not again. Before I could even register a cohesive response I blurted out, "What are you doing tomorrow?"_

 _Tobias was quiet for a long moment as he blankly stared at me. Sure… great way to scare him away._

 _"_ _What am I doing tomorrow?" He echoed hesitantly._

 _"_ _Well… yeah." I admitted, seeing that there was no possible way I could rephrase my petition. "Are you busy… are doing anything… do you have a date… I mean, I don't know."_

 _It was impossible to miss the humor that danced in his eyes. "Yeah, I'm busy tomorrow. Why?"_

 _"_ _Oh," I had to keep my expression neutral, but I didn't attempt to hide the disappointment within me. "Okay then… I guess I'll… I guess I'll see you around then."_

 _Before I could walk away, he reached out and gently gripped my arm. "But the day after that… I'm free."_

 _"_ _Really?" I asked with a bright smile. I'm positive I seemed like a four-year-old in a candy store with the way I was beaming up at him, so I quickly regained my composure. "I mean… that's cool. If you're not doing anything… and I'm not doing anything…" I trailed off with a nonchalant shrug._

 _"_ _Are you asking me out, Prior?"_

 _"_ _W-what?" I scoffed, hoping he couldn't see my blush. "I-I mean…"_

 _"_ _Because that is the lousiest pick-up line I have ever heard."_

 _"_ _Well we can't all be Horn Dogs like you, can we?"_

 _He didn't respond to my teasing. Instead, he just stared at me with this look in his eyes… I couldn't place it – but all I knew was that it was so intense, causing a shiver to race down my spine._

 _"_ _I'll pick you up."_

 _"_ _What?"_

 _"_ _I'll pick you up for our… date." He clarified. "Two days from now, I'll pick you up."_

 _I tried to contain my smile but desperately failed. "How should I dress? What time will you be coming by?"_

 _"_ _I dunno. You're that's taking me out."_

 _I rolled my eyes at him whilst shoving him – although it didn't work. He didn't even budge, that stupid man of muscle! "Whatever. I'll see you then?"_

 _Tobias simply nodded. "I'll see you soon, Tris."_

 _I wasn't sure if I should've given him a hug or a hive-five, so I just settled on a handshake. He looked at my hand as if it were a foreign object, laughter filling his blue orbs. I cleared my throat awkwardly, signaling for him to shake my hand. He did so with reluctance, and I had to hide the blush on my face as the feeling of his hand in mine sent a longing through my body._

 _"_ _Okay then… I guess I'll see you later." I didn't give him a chance to respond as I walked away, triumph coursing through me._

 _This time I was walking away from something I loved… but I was walking away with hope._

That happened two days ago, and Tobias had already called me to let me know he was on his way. I'm freaking out and don't know why. I shouldn't be nervous around him, not around Tobias. I just don't want anything to go wrong. I've been given multiple chances to fix the relationships I've broken, and ninety-nine percent of the time, those times have failed. I love Tobias, and I don't want that to happen this time. For once, I want to be selfish and satisfy my heart's desire.

My phone ringing is what brings me back to reality. Without having to look at it, I already know it's him. I look back at the mirror and let a shaky breath go.

I point a finger to the mirror. "Don't screw this up."

* * *

You know, I thought I was the one taking you out."

"And yet, I'm the one driving." He responds, casting a short glance my way before turning his attention back to the road.

I smile slyly. "So, where are we going?"

"That's a surprise."

"Is it another one of your 'secret spots'?"

"You could say that."

I would have asked him to clarify what he meant, but something told me to keep quiet. And now as we pull into an isolated part of the city, I'm internally thankful that I'd done so. I stare at my surroundings with uneasiness, risking a peek at Tobias. As he turns the truck off, I can sense his tenseness. He sits back in his seat for a short while, sighing in the process.

"Tobias…"

Slowly, he turns to me. "Come on." He softly jerks his head, gesturing to the outside.

I'm hesitant in opening the car door, knowing that once I do, there's no going back from this. But as we make our way towards to docks, and sit on the pavement with our feet dangling over the rushing water, I know that if I want my relationship with him again I must go through with this.

I distinctly remember how it felt opening up to him. It was horrid; not knowing what he was going to think of me, not knowing how he was going to react was absolutely terrifying. That was the first time I had voluntarily told someone about me – the real _me_. And I realize that it must have frightened Tobias the same way when he told me about his past as well.

I study him as he looks out into the distance. He seems so rigid, and yet, he has never seemed more defenseless in my time of knowing him. This must be highly uncomfortable for him; it is for me right now, and I'm not even the one who brought us here.

"Tobias," I speak softly. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to tell me right now, it's okay. I understand."

He turns to me with the tiniest of smiles – and that look again. If only I knew what that _look_ was! Shaking his head slowly, he mutters, "No, I told you that I would open up more. There's no use of hiding it anymore."

"I'm here." I try to reassure him to the best of my ability. "Whatever happens… I'll be right here when you finish. I'm not going anywhere."

 _And there goes that look again!_

He doesn't say anything for a while; all we do is stare out into the gloom that settles over Chicago. I want to help him; I want him to feel comfortable enough with me to tell me more. I want to know more.

"It's hard… isn't it?" I can't stop the words from slipping past my lips. He doesn't look back at me, but there's a small smirk on his face. He agrees with me. I struggle to find something else to say; something that will let him know I understand what he's going through. "A struggling person isn't a _bad_ person. At least that's what I've been told."

This phrase catches his attention as he peers at me with those haunting eyes. "Do you believe that?"

I shrug innocently but my face contorts into one of disbelief. "I'm trying to," I answer honestly. So much for trying to cheer him up. "I think… I think there's something in all of us. Something that's worthy of being proud of, even if we don't believe it ourselves."

"How far do you think we'd have to look?"

I didn't notice it before, but somehow we had drawn closer to each other so that we were solely focused on one another. Our faces are so close that it caused my breathing to hitch. Without thought, I reach out and grab his face so that our foreheads press against each other.

"Not very far if we have each other," I tell him quietly. "If we have each other, we've got a helper."

My eyes fall close as I feel his hand wind through my hair and down the side of my face. I want to say so much more; there's something deep within me that needs to tell him how I feel. But for some odd reason, I don't.

"Are you sure?" He asks me and I open my eyes, giving him a disoriented face. "Are you sure you want to help me?"

"Yes," I answer without hesitation. "Yes, please. Let me help you like you've helped me. Tobias please… if there's a way I can repay you, tell me. Let me help."

The words that come out of his mouth next aren't what I expect.

"You are amazing." He says softly. "Do you know that?"

I release I shaky breath, not knowing if it's because of the tears forming or laughter rising from my throat. "No, I don't. But I'm relieved that someone sees some good in me."

"Anyone would be insane not to."

Before I can say anything else, I feel the sensation of softness against my lips.

I freeze. There's nothing else I can do at the moment. I'm positive a few seconds pass with no movement on my end of the table. I would kiss back – I _want_ to kiss back – but my brain doesn't seem to be comprehending that Tobias is kissing me.

He pulls back, and I can see the hesitance in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I -"

He doesn't get another word out before I slam my lips against his in a moment of haste. Words cannot even begin to describe the intensity of the situation. Even if I wanted to, I can't explain how every bone, muscle, and fiber in my body explodes at the feeling of his lips against mine. I have spent countless amounts of time wondering and fantasizing of how it would feel to kiss him just once more.

And now I am actually experiencing it.

The tears that had collected in my eyes pour out in an unending stream. For so many nights I had berated my own self for pushing someone I love away. For so long I had blamed myself for what happened; I still do. But all I can think about now is how much I've missed his tender caress, his lips.

It doesn't take long for the kiss to become heated, and I just about melt when his tongue slips into my mouth. I give a small whimper of satisfaction, not knowing where this feeble side of me is coming from but also not caring.

When we break apart, we're both panting from the passionate kiss. His hand immediately cups my face, brushing my stray tears away and I immediately close my eyes at the gentleness of his touch. I can literally feel the blood drain from my hands due to how intensely I'm clutching at his jacket.

"Tobias, please…" I inhale a sharp breath before continuing, "Please tell me you won't leave. Please say you'll stay with me."

I feel him plant a kiss on my cheek before his lips brush against my ear. "I won't leave you, Tris. No matter what happens… I'll never leave you. I promise."

I find it so cliché how he seals his words with another kiss.

* * *

 **...**

 **It has come to my attention that I have not updated in over a month. I AM SO SORRY! I have been struggling with a severe writer's block, and it is only until recently that I am starting to break away from that horrible, disgusting pit. I literally sat in front of my computer, looking over this story, deleting things I did not like, and internally crying because I could not write a single word. Hence, this is why there is no revealing of Tobias' secrets in this chapter. If I did not post this chapter today... Lord knows it wouldn't come for some time. But guys, please bear with me and just keep reviewing because every time I look at them, it makes my day a bit brighter knowing that I can make you guys smile and that makes _me_ smile. **

**Hopefully, the next chapter will not take as long to publish (it is undergoing some _serious_ editing and revision). **

**See you guys... when I see you**

 **~Mal**


	31. Chapter 31: Part 1

**Chapter 31: Part 1**

I don't waste any time in hurrying over to Christina's couch, falling back into it. Sighing, I close my eyes leaning into the cushions even more. I feel the couch dip next to me, and I don't have to open my eyes to know it's Chris. I hear the thump of her heels as it hits the ground, but I make no move to speak. I'm in too much shock for that.

"There's enough for a trial."

Her voice is just a whisper, but seeing as we're the only two people in the room, it doesn't pass my ears. Finally, I open my eyes and turn to look at her. Her bleak expression catches me off guard, and I'm left wondering why.

"Isn't that a good thing?" I ask hesitantly.

"Depends on how you look at it." She shrugs, running a hand through her short hair. "Yeah, it's great that there's enough evidence to present to a judge, and I'm glad the DA was able to help with that." She hesitates, her brows knit together tightly. "But if there's enough evidence, that means he did it. Davidson actually did it. Kathy was raped. Other teenage girls were raped. I don't see how anyone could be happy about that."

And that's when it finally hits me. I almost feel the breath get knocked out of me at the realization of it all, and I curse myself for not being able to see it sooner. This wasn't just another one of my cases; this affected many other people. I bite my lip as my heart starts to ache at the thought of what Kathy, Kimberly, and the other girls are going through right now. Not even when Tobias and I had found them in the lot, not even when I witnessed how grateful Kathy's parents were when they got to hold their daughter again, not even when Christina and I went down to the DA's office to gather all the evidence for the preliminary hearing have I felt the way I do now. And it hurts; it hurts knowing that I wasn't thinking about what the others were going through. Once again, I was only thinking about myself.

"I should have found her sooner." I only register that the words are out of my mouth when Christina shoots a glare at me. Confused, I turn to face her. "What?"

"Don't start with this now." She says, rather unkindly for her to be talking to me.

"Don't start _what_ now?"

"The guilt trip. That thing you do when you start to blame yourself for things that you had no control over."

"Christina, I was hired to find Kathy. It was my _job_."

"It was the police's job too. And last time I checked… Kathy's safe and sound, at home with her parents."

"Not without a price being paid," I growl under my breath. "And what about Kimberly and the other girls, huh? What about them?"

"They're _safe_ , Tris!" Before I can interject she continues, "What is with you? Whenever something awful happens, you start to blame yourself for it – even when you had nothing to do with it!"

"Well, I'm sorry if bad things keep happening and I'm a part of it."

"But it's not your fault, Tris! Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

"I don't know!" I shout, causing both of us to flinch away. I bite down on my tongue until I can feel the stale taste of blood. I wince as I open my mouth to speak, "I _don't_ know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You have to know."

My voice low and meek, I answer her, "No. No, I don't. I don't understand why I always blame myself for things happening, Chris." My eyes drop from hers as I sigh, standing up from the couch. "It's late already, I should get going. You have court tomorrow."

Christina stands too, stepping closer to me. "Look, Tris…"

"You don't have to say anything. It's alright."

Giving her a small smile, I turn on my heel. She follows me all the way to the door but says nothing. I highly doubt there's anything she could say that would lift this weight off my chest.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" She asks, hope evident in her tone of voice.

"Yeah," I nod. "I'll see you there."

* * *

Never in my entire time of living would I have thought a building could scare me. That a structure made by man could be so terrorizing. But as I stood in front of the courthouse, I couldn't find it in me so walk up its steps. Today was the day. Today was the start of it all, and I need to be there. I need to be there. Maybe it's not the building I'm scared of; maybe it's what I know I'll find inside that terrifies me.

But when I raise my sunglasses from my face, the building's imposing figure seems to worsen. Come on feet… any time now.

"You ready?"

I don't answer verbally but instead nod stiffly. I turn to Tobias and give him a hesitant closed-mouth smile. He returns the small gesture and slowly leads me up the stairs. A heavy knot fills my throat as he pushes the door open; I already know what's going to be waiting on the other side.

And my suspicions are confirmed when the brightness of flashing cameras invades my eyesight. I immediately shield my eyes with my sunglasses, all of it already becoming too much. It's all déjà vu. I can feel Tobias' grip on my hip tighten, and a feeling of reassurance races through me knowing things aren't exactly turning out the way they did last time. I can hear the reporters spit out all of their questions, too many of them to actually get a clear understanding of what they're saying. And even if I wanted to answer their questions, now isn't the time.

Somehow – I'm sure it's only because of Tobias – we make it into an elevator. The doors slide close and it's only when I feel it start to move that I take off my glasses. I release a shaky breath, slumping against the wall of the elevator.

"It's just like last time," I say quietly, not knowing if that was meant to be a private thought or if I'm trying to tell Tobias something. "Exactly like last time." I almost smile when I see the confused look on his face. "With Will. With Dauntless."

Before he can respond, the elevator doors open and I quickly walk out. I know Tobias would never pity, he himself isn't like that. But, there's still this unnerving feeling I get when someone knows my weakest thoughts. It's just how my twisted mind works, I guess.

The courtroom itself isn't much different when I walk in. Everyone freezes, turning their attention to me. All they know is that I'm the investigator who solved the case – as well as who destroyed Dauntless. All the undue attention causes me to squirm in place. I hurry across the room to the only person who looks remotely familiar here.

She doesn't even hesitate in opening her arms to me and I immediately rush into them. She holds me close and all the energy, as well as tension, drains from my body. Perhaps I'm being overdramatic and making myself suffer for no reason. Her hand smooths down my hair as I intake deep breaths.

"How are you holding up?"

I shrug lazily. "Okay… I guess. I just… forgot how much I hate the spotlight."

Christina releases me with a small smile on her face, though no traces of joy or humor grace it. "Just keep in mind that you're here for Kathy and all the other girls who suffered."

"Yeah," I mutter. "Yeah, I know."

Her attention then flicks to something else behind me and she furrows her brows in something like disgust. She looks back at me for a moment before returning to whatever it is behind me that has her flustered.

"Um, Tris…" She says quietly. "Don't look now, but there is a guy standing right behind you. And he isn't moving."

My own brows furrow as I turn around with curiosity. A tiny smile escapes as I find Tobias standing behind me, his hands stuffed in his pockets and lips compressed into a thin line. He stares at me expectantly and I swear – it is the cutest thing ever.

"Oh, um…" I scratch my head as I motion him closer to us. "Um, Chris… this is Four. My," I pause looking to him for permission I assume. He just smirks and presses his lips to my hairline. "boyfriend." I finish, eyeing her with anxiousness.

Her mouth falls agape but other than that she says nothing. Her lips move, though nothing comes out Finally, she sighs pressing her hands to the desk in front of her. "God…" She murmurs. "These are too many surprises for me to handle in one day."

"Christina?"

What I don't expect is for her to hit me in the arm, with more force than was necessary. I wince, but for the first time today, a genuine smile breaks out on my face.

"Why didn't you tell me?!" She hisses, studying us both with critical gazes. "What is wrong with you?! You don't withhold this type of stuff from your best friend!"

"I'm sorry." I chuckle, a flame spreading across my cheeks. "I… we… we just got back together a few days ago."

"Wait," She says, placing her hands in the air. "You mean to tell me that there was a before that you didn't tell me about too?!"

I press my lips together bashfully. "Well…"

"I can't believe you." She places her hand over her heart as she scoffs. "You really hurt me, Tris. You've been going out with this incredibly hot guy and didn't tell me. I don't think I can forgive you."

Beside me, Tobias clears his throat. I look up at him with a teasing grin and he diverts his attention to Christina. "Nice to meet you." He reaches out his hand and she returns the gesture.

"You too." She murmurs, completely enchanted by him. "You seem really familiar. Have I met you before?"

"Uriah." Is all he says and both of our bodies tense.

"Right," Christina's voice drops and she nods her head stiffly. "You were at the hospital, and his funeral."

"That's me."

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Well, it's nice to officially be introduced… Four."

I narrow my eyes at her but all Tobias does is emit a low chuckle. He bids her goodbye, squeezing my hip in the process before walking towards the back and sitting down. My eyes follow him all the way there.

"You're in love," Christina says in a sing-song voice. It startles me; one, because I don't understand how she could have figured it out already and two… because it's what Uriah use to do.

"What?"

"Oh god," She moans. "You have got it bad. You have fallen in love. And I'm pretty sure he loves you too."

I can feel my cheeks set ablaze, and I cast my glance toward the floor in hopes she won't see. "Um…" I shake my head, trying to come up with an answer. "I-I… I don't know."

"That's not a denial. And besides, I know you. You're in love, so don't try to deny it."

"I don't think my love life is to be today's focus, Chris. We have more serious things to talk about."

She hums suspiciously before nodding in agreement. "You're right."

All at once, my demeanor shifts and I turn grim. "Do you have what I gave you?"

"Yeah, I have it."

"I really hope it can do something for you. For Kathy. I'm afraid it won't be enough though."

"Please, Tris." Her eyes shift about the room as she crosses her arms. "If I know anything, it's that Davidson is getting put away for a very long time. There's no objection there. There's plenty of evidence to lock him up."

"Have you seen Kathy at all?" My interest is suddenly peaked as I start to shift on my heels. "Is she alright?"

"Yeah, I saw her earlier in the back." She sighs, shaking her head in disgust. "But Tris, the girl is a mess. I don't know how she'll be able to testify later. When I explained to her what happened at the first appearance, she… she just broke."

* * *

 **TADA!**

 **It's been a while since I've written one of these. But hopefully, I will be able to keep up my said schedule of updating every Monday from here until the end of the story (which may be closer than ya think) ;). I just want to thank all of you for your continued support, even through my slight hiatus.**

 **PS: For anyone who is going through a writer's block as well, here's a tip: _just keep writing_. Even if you don't like what you're writing, _just do it_ and then you'll be able to progress from there. **

**See you all in the next update!**

 **~Mal**


	32. Chapter 31: Part 2

**Warning: There is a small mention of rape and assault in this chapter, so if this is a sore subject for you, then I suggest skipping the last part of this chapter (where Kathy is being interrogated). I'm sorry for any grammar errors. :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 31: Part 2**

"Ms. Alvarez, please approach the witness stand." The judge – Judge Matthews – orders sharply, her glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. I watch anxiously as Christina stands, smoothing out her jacket. "Ms. Alvarez, what evidence do you have against Mr. Davidson?"

Without a word, Christina reaches behind her, gathering a pile of documents and folders into her hands. As she gives them off to the bailiff, who in turn passes it to the judge, the room somehow grows quieter. Judge Matthews shuffles through the paperwork and opens up the envelopes all with the same heartless expression. Not even when she looks back up does an ounce of emotion show.

"Proceed, Ms. Alvarez."

"Patrick Davidson is here for many reasons but I'd have to say the foremost is because of his indecency toward multiple teenage girls." Christina throws a sharp glare to Davidson and his attorney. "A man who has a position as a teacher for a secular job gives him the opportunity to practice his vile acts. Don't be mistaken by his charm. We were able to recover multiple reasons, multiple facts, of why he's guilty. This man has been sexually involved with these young women, one of who you'll listen to today. I just hope that you all with be able to sympathize with her."

"Mr. Wilde."

As Christina sits, Davidson's attorney takes her place in front of the jury. He shifts his tie nonchalantly – as if we aren't in a court trial – and clears his throat. Locking his hands together behind him, he speaks, "As horrific and distressing as that sounds, it is untrue. Patrick Davidson is a morally clean and trustworthy man. Just the accusation of this is perplexing but now that these people are saying that they have evidence against him is just downright arrogant. Mr. Davidson is a loving husband who wouldn't hurt a fly - much less a human being - a teenage girl. Today, these lies that are being told against him will be proven false."

"Your honor," Christina says, cutting the stillness so abruptly that it causes me to jump in my seat. "I'd like to call my first witness."

I can't help it. As Meghan walks into the room and stands beside the judge, I grab Tobias' hand and squeeze it with all of the strength in my body. It probably isn't much of a burden for him, as he squeezes back gently. But I barely recognize the act, as I listen to Meghan give the pledge.

"Mrs. Smith, when did you first notice that Kathy was behaving oddly?"

It visibly takes Meghan a few moments to understand the question, as her face remains blank for too long. She seems so _exhausted_ with her slouched posture, the bags lining her eyes, and the wrinkles appearing at the corner of her eyes; she looks completely different than when I first met her.

"It was over four months ago. Before she disappeared."

"And what was she doing that was different?"

"I didn't recognize my little girl anymore." She breathes out. "She seemed indifferent with both my husband and me. She was closed off and rarely stepped out of her room. We only saw her when she went to school and when she came home."

"How long was she like this?"

"For about two weeks. Then…" Trailing off, she swallows thickly. "then she disappeared."

I watch as John takes her place, then Emily, Andrew, and even Kathy's swim coach. Each one receives the same set of questions, and they all respond with answers that complement the others. I sit, as stiff as a board, listening intently to each of them. I almost give a shout of annoyance when Judge Matthews lightly taps her gavel.

"Alright, we are going to take a small will resume in thirty minutes."

* * *

I just need a moment with her. Please."

Meghan and John look at each other hesitantly; their words are unspoken as they make their decision. Turning back to me, John starts to slowly shake his head. "I don't know, Tris…"

"Please. I just want to check up on her. Nothing more."

Tapping her husband's shoulder, Meghan nods her head. I can see his body slightly relax at her gesture, and I take that as a good sign. Giving them a small smile of gratitude, I walk towards the wooden doors. My hands tremble as I reach for the knob, and I have to mentally reassure myself that it's just a teenage girl who needs someone to talk to. Releasing a heavy breath, I slowly open the door.

The wooden door gives a slight creak, announcing my arrival long before I had intended. My heart aches as I close the door behind me, my attention solely focused on the scene in front of me. Kathy sits in one of the many chairs in the room, her back turned to me. The grey sky darkens the room and makes her figure appear to be nothing more than a shadow. She doesn't move and makes no intention of saying anything. I stand there, not knowing what exactly to do. _Maybe I should have thought this through better._

Gaining a few ounces of courage, I make my way towards her. Even still, she doesn't turn around to face me. It's only when I sit next to her does she seem to notice me, her body barely shifting. I take a deep breath – prepared to say something – but nothing comes out. Absolutely nothing. Instead, I just settle for gazing out the window too, staring at the city of Chicago from up high. _Nice job, idiot._

I try not to show too much emotion when she finally speaks, "So, I'll be testifying soon?"

"Yeah," I reply quietly. "I'm sorry."

"About what?"

"What's going on around you. What happen _to_ you."

Kathy shrugs lazily. "There's nothing you can do about it. None of us can do anything about it."

I find myself giving a small smirk, a humorless chuckle escaping my mouth. "If only there was something we could do."

"Yeah, but there's nothing."

I finally turn to face her. I should have prepared myself more for the sight. If I thought Meghan looked bad, then Kathy needs a whole different term to describe her appearance. I hadn't realized she had cut her hair, now her orange locks only brushing her shoulders. But beyond that, she no longer looks like a teenager. Rather, all she portrays is a _victim_. A victim of a dreadful situation. I know that feeling all too well.

"You know sometimes I wish that were the case," This statement catches her attention. "Sometimes I wish there was nothing that could be done. Because if nothing could be done… then you couldn't blame yourself for what happened."

"What…" Her voice cracks as she asks the question, "what do you mean?"

"Things happen. Things that no person should ever have to go through. And when these things happen to us… we always want some sort of justice to take place. But little do we know that sometimes the justice we want doesn't always come from who we expect. I know it didn't for me."

Kathy's eyes shine with both curiosity and misery, and I swear - an ounce of understanding. "W-where did you get help from?"

The corners of my mouth pick up, but they don't reach the smile I was attempting at. "Myself."

"I don't understand."

"I didn't either – at least at first. You see Kathy, all of the bad things that have happened to me, I blame myself for. Somehow, I can find the smallest detail in that situation and use it against me. And it worked. It worked for so many years, that I didn't even need to convince myself anymore. It was just second nature." I stare at the ground, refusing to let myself cry when I need to be helping Kathy. "But then… then I found a way to help myself. And you know what?"

"What?"

"It all started when I was hired to find you." Sighing, I scrub my face with my hands, the sudden need to have drink hitting me. "What I'm trying to say is that I thought – and still do – that I'm the source of all my problems. But I'm struggling to realize that if I want to move on, I can't blame myself for what happened. I can only blame myself for what _is_ happening – the self-pity mode."

There's a moment of silence in the room. Closing my eyes, I think I've confused her. But when I hear a sniffle, my eyes shoot open and I turn to look at her. With tears streaming down her face and red eyes, Kathy struggles to open her mouth.

That's when it hits me. "Is that what you do?" I whisper. "Do you blame yourself for what happened?"

Covering her mouth, she chokes out a sob. "Every night, I lay awake… wondering why I d-didn't do something. Wh-why didn't I _do_ something? All of t-this could have been avoided… if I just did something!"

It happens on reflex as I pull Kathy into a bone crushing hug. Her head rests on my chest as my arms wrap around her. Her sobs grow harder as her body starts to rake with the tears. And as she starts to chant the word "why", I can't help the few tears that collect in my own eyes.

Why?

Why didn't I do anything to stop all of this from happening to me?

It's a selfish question – I know – but that doesn't mean it still doesn't roam through my mind.

* * *

"Ms. Smith," Christina's tone is softer, more empathetic than the ones she used to question the others. She settles herself in front of the witness stand, her back now towards the rest of the courtroom. "can you please tell us what happened on the _nights_ in question?"

Kathy sits opposite of her, her attention focused on anything but the wide crowd. She hesitates in speaking at first and Christina has to call her attention once more before she opens her mouth, "Before I was… taken, it was just random men coming to… see me. Then… Mr. Davidson came. I-I was confused and frightened. I didn't know what to do."

"And what happened when he first visited you?"

For a brief moment, I catch Kathy's eyes lock with Davidson's before they immediately flick back down. "H-he… he um… told me that he needed to see me. At first, I-I-I thought," Her voice cracks as she regains her composure. "I thought he was there to take me home. But then… he crawled into my bed… and started ripping off my clothes…" She shakes her head repeatedly, almost trying to shake the odious thoughts from her mind. "H-he told me he loved me and always had."

"Were there any times that Mr. Davidson became hostile?"

I barely manage to see Kathy nod her head.

"Can you speak for the jury, Ms. Smith?"

"Yes," She says quietly. "I would get tired of having the other men come, so sometimes I would try to fight him off. That's… that's when he would hit me. Other times he would choke me. He said that if I wanted him, I had to be a _good girl_. After that… I didn't bother fighting it anymore. I thought I wasn't going to get out. I lost all hope."


End file.
